emotional wellness Archives - Page 5 of 8

January 19, 2024 By Divya Thampi 2 Comments

5 Steps To Cure The “What Will People Think” Syndrome

You watch an invigorating dance performance on YouTube and feel your heart race and blood sing in your veins. Your love for dance has once again been roused. The image of you enthralling an auditorium full of people with your outstanding dance performance flashes through your mind – A dream you had nursed throughout your teens and 20’s. You close the door to your room, put on some music with fast beats and dance energetically in the safety of your room. You almost make up your mind that you are going to enroll for a dance class and perform to an audience sometime soon. But as the night passes and the new day breaks, you remind yourself that you have to be “practical”…

You consider yourself overweight. You are convinced that your family, friends and even strangers would laugh at you. You imagine the looks of ridicule on their faces when they get to know about your dream to dance. The decision is easy – “People see me as a responsible father, husband and professional. What would they think if they found out that I was training for dance and planning to perform in public?” And another dream is sacrificed at the altar of “What will people think”.

In my work with people, I have lost count of the number of times I have heard them say that they suppressed their needs & desires or gave up on their dreams, wishes, and hopes for a better life, because they were worried about what people would think. These wishes and dreams varied from wanting to cut their hair short or allowing themselves a weekend trip, to dreaming of starting an enterprise or wanting to walk away from an abusive relationship. I strongly suspect that “What will people think” syndrome is the single biggest killer of hopes, possibilities and dreams.

What’s Behind The Fear?

If you have had this syndrome or still do, it just shows that you are human. This is driven by our evolutionary history. Thousands of years ago when humans were hunters and gatherers, avoiding disapproval from others was important for our survival. And of course we have been further conditioned by our families and schools to see others’ approval as the gauge of our worthiness. But then how does one overcome this fear?

Some Ways To Beat The “What Will People Think Syndrome”

1. Remember, people really don’t think or care that much about you
We humans are too busy obsessing about our own lives and spend very little time thinking about others. Even when we do think about others, it is in the context of how that impacts “me”, otherwise those thoughts are momentary. If you are not convinced, consider this – how much time of your day do you spend thinking about others’ (people who you are not close to) choices about their lives, particularly what may be deemed as stupid or poor choices? 5 hours? 2 hours? Half an hour? 2 minutes? 30 seconds? I am guessing it is more like the last figure. See what I mean? And here you are trying to conform to what you assume is others’ expectation of you, just so that for those few flashing moments people may approve of you (in your imagination). When you conform to imaginary rules so as to not attract disapproval, the only thing you manage to do is live a life of insignificance and make yourself invisible. On the other hand living by your own priorities and needs makes life more meaningful and engaging.

2. Stop judging and gossiping
We have a tendency to second guess other people’s reaction based on our own. Hence if you are in the habit of making judgmental, insensitive comments about others and are easily given to reveling in juicy pieces of gossip, it’s only natural for you to worry about others’ judging you the same way. So when you make it a practice to think compassionately about others, your worry about others’ judgment also diminishes.

3. Be accepting and kind to yourself
The people who fear judgment the most are the ones who judge THEMSELVES very harshly. When you are disapproving of yourself, then it is only natural for your mind to look for approval from others. That’s the only way to survive. I recently heard a well known actress admit during an interview that she used to constantly worry about her acne and imagined that when people spoke to her they only saw her acne. And she then went on to do her first movie while the acne still existed and she was amazed at how no one seemed to care about her acne. When we judge ourselves harshly we are constantly looking for cues for others’ disapproval and find it even where there is none. So spare yourself the torture by being kind and accepting of yourself.

4. Protect your dreams from harm
Many times it is our very own families and loved ones that plant the fear about other people’s opinions. They are just projecting their own insecurities on to you. Hence when you have ideas that you want to try out and suspect that your immediate family may not be thrilled about the idea, don’t share it with them till you have a clearer plan about how you want to take it forward. But do share it with one or two people who you know would support and encourage you. Your dream is like a seed. Once planted you need to water and nurture it and protect it from weeds and pests. Once the sapling grows into a strong plant and then a tree, it can withstand the strong sun and the storms. Same applies to your ideas and dreams.

5. Feel the fear and do it anyway
Rather than trying to avoid fear altogether, focus on taking action even when you feel worried or scared about other people’s reactions. Two things happen. One, you will realise that your anticipation of how others would react is either unfounded or exaggerated. Secondly you will feel more confident about the direction you want to move in, once you take the first few steps, rather than feeling confused and stuck.

Conclusion

You owe it to yourself to give yourself a chance and live a life that is genuinely joyful and meaningful. Your values and desires exist for a reason. Get out there and experiment with life, allow yourself to perspire, attract some unfavourable attention, fail a few times, laugh at yourself, get your hands dirty, stain your clothes; use up all those ideas, talents and gifts that you came to this earth with, because the best gift you can give this world is to be truly yourself!

We hope this article helps you overcome the “What will people think” syndrome. Do let us know your thoughts in the comments below. For more from our Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her LIVE sessions on GOQii Play. Subscribe now!

#BeTheForce

December 16, 2023 By Divya Thampi 1 Comment

Setting Myself Free from Grudges

Having arrived half an hour ahead of time, I settled in with my laptop, a bottle of drinking water and adjusted the client’s chair carefully at the right angle. With 5 more minutes to go for the first client to arrive, I made a call to the account manager of the company which had hired my services for this project. The arrangement was that I would visit this client’s premises once every fortnight for a few hours. As I had been travelling for the last few weeks, I was resuming service after a month’s interval, and saying “hello” to the account manager seemed like a good idea. With a smile on my face and a tune on my lips, I dialled his number and waited for the response. After about five rings, I heard his voice say “Hello”. With a widening smile, I asked about his health and went on to update him about my arrival at the client site.

There was a pause on the other side of the line. Wondering if I had lost him, I checked “are you there?” He confirmed that he was. Then sounding sheepish he told me that there had been an oversight on his part and he had forgotten to update me about a change of schedule. Essentially, he was telling me that I wasn’t supposed to be there that day. My smile faltered and eyebrows knitted together, while my mind tried to make sense of what he said. I could hear him carry on saying that my travel expenses would be reimbursed and that he really was sorry about the mix-up. As the full implication of what he was saying dawned on me, I sensed the blood rush to my face. But, before my protests could leave my lips, he repeated his apology and bid a hurried goodbye.

In a matter of seconds, my breath had quickened, my jaws had clenched and I could feel anger bubbling up within my chest. Thoughts about how unprofessional he had been, how his company was taking me for granted and how his apology didn’t sound sincere, added fuel to the already burning fire.

The thing about being a practicing Emotional Wellness coach is that while you can choose to not practice some of the things you preach about regulating emotions, awareness of the feelings rising and falling within the self, is not something you can completely ignore, even if you wish to. It was almost as if there were two of me. One experiencing the anger and frustration and the other observing the first, calmly. This ‘calm me’ gently pointed out to the ‘upset me’ that just a few weeks back I had promised myself that I would let go of chaotic thoughts and feelings, that had the tendency to drag me down and drain me of vitality. I tried hard to ignore that quieter voice. But it persisted.

Parallelly, my mind had been busy plotting revenge by considering demanding pay for my lost time, writing detailed emails about unprofessional behaviour of the manager to the top boss and eliciting a sincerer apology from him. Suddenly, the quieter voice in my head took control and drew attention to the ridiculousness of all these plans (a sincerer apology? Really). It occurred to me that the situation couldn’t be reversed. No matter how much I seethed, the schedule was not going to change. Recognizing the futility of holding on to anger towards the manager, helped me consider the choices I had at this moment. I could either go on being upset, telling myself stories about how unfair others had been to me and how I deserved more respect, OR then I could spend this spare time on something more rewarding.

“Every ego confuses opinions and viewpoints with facts. Furthermore, it cannot tell the difference between an event and its reaction to that event. Every ego is a master of selective perception and distorted interpretation. Only through awareness – not through thinking – can you differentiate between fact and opinion. Only through awareness are you able to see: There is the situation and here is the anger I feel about it, and then realize there are other ways of approaching the situation, other ways of seeing and dealing with it. Only through awareness can you see the totality of the situation or person instead of adopting one limited perspective.”–Eckhart Tolle

As I calmed myself down by slowing down my breathing, an option to view the situation from a different perspective, presented itself – Maybe there had been a genuine and unintended oversight and maybe the manager was truly sorry? I thought about all my past interactions with him and it was evident that he was indeed a sincere person who took his work and responsibilities seriously. I reflected further and was convinced that the oversight couldn’t have been deliberate. ‘He is only human and we all make errors’, I reflected, ‘I have been there too. How would I feel if I made an unintended error and someone tried to rub my nose in it?’ Turning my attention back to me, I studied my own waning anger with more compassion and recognized my emotional patterns that tended to play out on automatic mode whenever my awareness was low. As my empathy towards myself increased, so did my compassion towards the manager. Taking deep breaths, I allowed these calming thoughts to wash over me.

“As I look back on my life, I realise that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.” – Steve Maraboli

As the moments passed I could feel the smile returning to my lips and with a sudden sense of adventure I mentally ran through the many exciting options I had for spending this newfound time, in what had been an especially packed week. I eventually decided to meet a longtime family friend who stayed close by. A quick call confirmed that they would be more than happy to have me over for lunch and with a spring in my step I set out to explore the day!

After a wonderful time with friends and some additional time to catch my breath at home, I felt revitalized for my next assignment that evening. When the day turned to night, I received a text message from the account manager expressing his sincerest apologies and acknowledgement for the frustration I must have experienced during the day. I hastened to let him know that I had been upset for all of 2 minutes. I went on to elaborate that I trusted his sincerity and that I was not upset in the least. Saying this, flooded me with a sense of gratitude and realized that this experience had been a gift; an opportunity to practice letting go.

“One thing we do know: Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know that this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

It doesn’t come this easy every time. Each time I start to bask in the assumption that I have mastered the art of calming down, yet another episode pops up to remind me of my fallibility. But it is in those very humbling experiences, where I have been beaten by my own resentment and upset feelings that I have learnt the most valuable lessons on setting myself free from my own grudges!

For more on Mental Health, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi’s classes on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce

October 10, 2023 By Divya Thampi 5 Comments

Let’s Talk About Mental Health

In 2020, we released a study that revealed how 43% Indians are plagued with depression. But surprisingly, even in large metros like Mumbai, awareness of mental health is low, stigma is high and discrimination against people with mental health concerns is a harsh reality. The very recommendation that one should see a therapist or a mental health professional is received with distaste at best and anger at worst.

What is Mental Health?

The world over ‘Mental Health’ week is being observed but do we understand ‘Mental Health’? It is important that we first understand what “Mental Health” means. It does not just refer to the absence of illness, rather it denotes a state of mind that allows people to believe in their abilities, work productively, cope effectively with day to day stressors, reach out for help when feeling overwhelmed, relate to others, and to work towards their highest potential.

While the mental health condition of a person is established by the individual’s ability to manage his/her thoughts, feelings, actions and interactions with others, mental illnesses and disorders are often caused by a combination of factors including social discrimination, lack of protective policies, poor working conditions, poverty, lack of education, below average living standards, abuse (verbal, physical and sexual) and absence of familial or/and social support systems. It is true that certain genetics and specific personality attributes can make people more vulnerable to mental health issues, however contrary to popular belief, these are neither the only nor the most significant contributors to mental illnesses or disorders.

According to a survey conducted nationally, in 2018, on the attitudes towards people affected by mental health concerns, the top three attitudes prevalent in India were found to be the following:

People with mental illness should not be given any responsibility
One of the main causes of mental illness is a lack of self-discipline and will-power
Mentally unhealthy people should have their own groups – healthy people need not be contaminated by them.

If one is diagnosed with cancer or with Malaria, would we ask them to get their act together and get better or expect them to use will-power to cure themselves? In terms of its prevalence and the number of people impacted by it, mental health issues are no different to physical health concerns and they need to be addressed with the same care and concern that is adapted to tackle a physical ailment, rather than with disdain and scorn.

With the existing attitudes, it comes as no surprise that the affected people, as well as the families, refrain from talking about their concerns or seeking the support they need due to the fear of being judged or labelled. But there are changes each of us can make that will help in creating an environment that promotes positive mental health.

Here are four steps you could take to do your bit in reducing social stigma attached to mental health concerns:

1. Educate Yourself About Mental Illnesses

General beliefs that people with mental illness are dangerous or are violent are myths which have unfortunately been propagated by movies. Often people with mental illnesses are victims of violence and abuse themselves. Question every stereotype and treat people with respect, irrespective of their diagnoses.

2. Stop Using Labels

Often people say things like ‘she is depressed’ or ‘he is schizophrenic’. The mental illness that someone deals with, is just one aspect of their lives and not their identity. Hence use language that separates the person from the health issue. For example, we could say “she deals with depression” or “he’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia”. Use language that’s respectful and sensitive.

3. Support People

Remember that people who deal with mental health issues make important contributions to the world. Did you know that Mr. Kjell Magne Bondevik, the ex-Prime Minister of Norway had suffered from a depressive episode in August 1998 while he was still in power? He took some time out to recover and continued as PM till March 2000. Do not judge people to be incompetent or dismiss their capabilities based on a mental health condition they may be suffering from. Treat people with dignity, just like you would like to be treated yourself, had you been in their position. Encourage the actions that your own family members and friends take to overcome mental illness, support their efforts to get well and lead productive lives.

4. Encourage & Initiate Open Discussions

If you yourself have dealt with or are dealing with mental health issues, talk about it. Your courage will help in creating awareness and empower many others. If it is a family member or friend who is dealing with it, talk openly regarding the illness with their permission and in doing so, you will take away the shame attached to it.

The first Director-General of the World Health Organization (WHO), Dr. Brock Chisholm, in 1954, had quite aptly declared that “without mental health, there can be no true physical health.” On this very important day, let’s pledge to do our bit by becoming advocates to reducing the stigma surrounding mental health concerns and promote a world of inclusion and sensitivity.

For more on Mental Health, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi’s classes on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce

July 12, 2023 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Three Powerful Relaxation Techniques For Immediate Relief From Stress

Tight deadlines, erratic working hours and sometimes being unable to manage the work-life balance can take a toll on your health. There are many factors that contribute to stress and if you find yourself feeling sad, anxious, angry, confused or scared without explanation, you are not alone. The specific reasons for stress are as varied as the people themselves but there’s hardly anyone who can escape the clutches of stress. How does one remain grounded and feel a sense of equanimity? Here’s help!

Powerful Relaxation Techniques You Can Practice

Following are three go-to relaxation techniques that therapists use to help their clients relax. Not all techniques may work for everyone but at least one of these should work for you.

1. Progressive Muscle relaxation

This exercise is very effective in lowering stress levels and can also reduce physical problems like headaches or stomachaches that accompany feelings of stress. This practice also improves sleep. When you are stressed your muscles tighten without your conscious awareness. Regular practice of PMR helps you to become aware of the difference between a tensed muscle and a completely relaxed muscle, thus improving your ability to recognize your bodily response to anxiety and mitigate it.

Sit down on a chair with a backrest such that you are sitting erect but not tensed.
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
Once you breath slows down, progressively tighten one muscle group (neck and shoulders or upper arm and lower arm) at a time for about 10-15 seconds.
Once the time is up, release the tension in the muscles completely with a long exhalation and observe the sensation in the relaxed muscles.
Continue this with each muscle group from head to feet.
You could do this 2-3 times a day and even before going to bed.
Avoid doing this with any part where there is a sprain or other injury.

2. Diaphragmatic Breathing

Also known as belly breathing, it is the optimal way of breathing as it actively engages your diaphragm. Belly breathing leads to improved oxygen flow to the rest of the body. This kind of breathing triggers a relaxation response by stimulating the vagus nerve, the longest nerve emanating from the brain. This nerve has a significant role to play in reducing blood pressure, heart rate, improving calmness, relaxation, and digestion. When engaging in breath based meditations most people practice belly breathing. Chest breathing is something we learned to do as a reaction to stress. For belly breathing, follow these steps:

Sit comfortably or lie flat on your bed or any other comfortable surface and relax your shoulders.
Place one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
Breathe in through your nose for 2-10 seconds (according to your capacity).
Feel the cool air moving through your nostrils into your abdomen, making your stomach inflate. During this type of breathing, make sure your stomach is moving outward while your chest remains relatively still.
Press gently on your stomach, and exhale slowly for about 2-10 seconds.
With every exhalation you will notice the stomach deflate under your palm
Repeat these steps several times and observe your body relax.

3. Guided Imagery

This is a focused practice that involves all or most of the 5 senses, to kindle calming responses in the mind and the body. Guided imagery uses imagination to take one to a calm, peaceful place, internally. This is a powerful tool that has a positive impact on blood pressure, breathing, oxygenation and heart rate. It can reduce pain and also improve the healing process of the body and mind. Our body reacts the same whether we experience something in reality or imagine it. So when you imagine yourself sitting in a beautiful green meadow and watching a clear stream of water flow over smoothened rocks, your body responds as if you were actually in the meadow.

Sit down or lie down comfortably and close your eyes.
Take a few deep breaths to help you relax.
Imagine a scene that is calm and peaceful. This could be a beach, a meadow, a valley, the mountains or a riverside, according to your preference.
Visualise the scene and slowly add some details, like a gentle breeze, fragrance of the grass, gurgling sound of water or the chirping of birds. Is the sky a clear blue or do you see fluffy white clouds?
It helps to visualise you walking through the scene and experiencing the beauty and serenity using all your senses.
And as you walk through the scene and go deeper you feel more and more relaxed.
Continue to breathe slowly and experience the sense of peace that envelops your body and mind. Think of a word or sound that you can use in the future to help you mentally return to this place.
When you feel ready, gently bring yourself back to the present. Tell yourself that you will feel relaxed and refreshed when this is done and slowly open your eyes. Notice how you feel right now.
You could also use a recorded guided imagery audio, which is generally available on many of the free versions of meditation apps.

If these techniques helped you, let us know in the comments below! Find more articles to help you manage stress here. For further guidance on managing stress and lifestyle, speak to a certified expert by subscribing to GOQii’s Personalised Health Coaching.

#BeTheForce

Setting Myself Free from Grudges

Let’s Talk About Mental Health

What is Mental Health?

1. Educate Yourself About Mental Illnesses

2. Stop Using Labels

3. Support People

4. Encourage & Initiate Open Discussions

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Mayur Sutar’s Journey to a Healthier Life

Transforming Health and Life: Dhiren Matani’s Inspirational Journey to Wellness

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