Mental Health Archives

October 7, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

What I Learned About Bringing A Real Change In Self

It wasn’t long ago that two of us friends visited a common friend and her family. As we all got chatting on a particularly interesting topic, I grew excited and participated enthusiastically. Everyone seemed to have a good time and I went back in good spirits pondering about some of the things we spoke about.

A few weeks later the friend who had accompanied me for the visit, gently pointed out to me that I had dominated the conversation that evening; chiming in more often than was necessary, cutting off others in my enthusiasm. As he shared his observation, I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Every cell in my body demanded that I put this friend in his place by giving free reign to the hurtful words that awaited their release from the tip of my tongue.

All through the din of my internal battle drums, a very quiet voice from somewhere close to my heart, stopped me. It calmly pointed out that may be this friend was not so completely wrong. But I still hadn’t reached a place of unconditional self-acceptance so as to receive such feedback with grace and gratitude. I was foaming at the mouth instead.

Just about managing to hold back the venom that was ready to spew through my words, I sat through the next 5 minutes in stoic silence letting my loving friend squirm in discomfort, though he deserved better for his courage and honesty. With the passing of minutes I managed to calm down sufficiently to be decent to him. We even managed to finish our coffee and share a few smiles before going off our different ways.

That evening I sat with my journal painfully writing down an honest account of what had happened on that particular evening — the evening of the get- together, when I was supposed to have been behaving like a self-centred loud mouth. As I sifted through the scenes, it became clear that my friend had been spot on in his feedback.

As all of us had engaged in discussing and debating on an interesting topic, I had kept pushing my point of view, expressing my thoughts and increasing my volume just a wee bit, enough to suppress any attempts by others to oppose me, not pausing for breath; almost as if I was scared that if I paused someone may take my place as the Prima donna.

I remembered observing and ignoring fleeting expressions of frustration and impatience on the listeners faces, as they experienced themselves being cut off half way through their sentences. I recalled the grace with which they chose to listen to me rather than express their irritation. I even remember having the nagging feeling that I should stop, slow down, pause and let others participate, but something kept egging me on. This “something” is what I was scared to confront. Because according to my judgment this “something” — the need to feel important, made me a pathetic person.

I felt embarrassment and anger course through me — Embarrassment about my appalling behaviour and anger towards myself for not doing better. After a few hours of internal battle, I came out relatively unscathed, resolving to work on changing my behaviour. I am glad to say that I have made progress since then.

As I looked back on that evening of introspection and asked – why was the experience so painful? What was it that helped me come out a better person, through it? This is what I learnt.

I had experienced shame and anger at the beginning because I had been judgmental about myself, telling myself that I was expected to be thoughtful and considerate at all times. Effectively I was holding myself up to standards that I may never be able to live up to — of not making mistakes. However after calming down with a few deep breaths, I had told myself what I tell many of my clients, who are trying to bring about change in themselves — You are more than your words and actions; acknowledging a flaw in a behaviour does not imply that you are a bad person. I had practiced with great difficulty what I preach to my clients — self-compassion and self-love.

I had held myself lovingly through the pain of knowing that in those moments I must have behaved like a selfish inconsiderate idiot, but had also assured myself that I still wasn’t any of that; that it was a behaviour demonstrated in a moment of ignorance and poor judgment; that I was capable of bringing about change. I had reminded myself that pain is the strongest indicator of growth.

Self-compassion and self-love had saved the day. And I will admit that it is not always easy to practice these. I had help — help in the form of all those friends and family who, in my life journey, not only showed me compassion but also let me know that I was loved, through my moments of weakness and strength; help in the form of those masters and authors who made themselves the instrument of change and generously laid out their life experiments for others like me, to learn from; help in the form of clients who dug deep into their being, to come up with the courage to care for themselves despite their flaws. I was grateful to them for allowing me to witness the transformation they brought in themselves with such love, for instilling in me the confidence that true personal growth needs a mix of honesty, courage, love and self-compassion and for giving me the inspiration to grow.

As I write this I wish and hope that more of us can practice self-compassion and self-love because we need it, we deserve it and because I am convinced that the only way we can bring about substantial change and growth in ourselves, is through love and compassion.

#BeTheForce

October 2, 2020 By Anusha Subramanian 1 Comment

GOQii’s Mental Health Study Reveals 43% Indians Plagued With Depression

The current Pandemic situation across the world has taken a toll on people and Indians are no different. It has led to fear, panic and anxiety among people. The corona-stress is taking a toll on the mental health of people world over. To add to it, social distancing – key and essential steps taken to curtail the spread, is leading to minimal human contact and negligible physical social connections. The pandemic has only intensified depression.

With the fear of losing livelihood and going out, insecurity for oneself and loved ones, anxiety, health scares and the overall volatile environment, stress levels are at an all-time high. Copious amounts of stress can lead to depression.

A recent study undertaken by GOQii indicates that 43% of Indians are depressed and are learning to cope with it. Another 26% Indians are facing mild depression, 17% face a more strenuous kind. It is concerning to note that 6% Indians are severely depressed, the study indicated.

How Has The Lockdown Affected Mental Health?

The study was conducted by GOQii, across 10000+ Indians, to understand how COVID has changed lifestyle and how Indians are adapting to the new normal. This is a comparative study and highlights the glaring difference in lifestyle habits pre-corona and post lockdown. As per the study, a large section of the population has little interest in doing things in the current scenario.

There is a cause of concern with more than 59% of the population having little pleasure in doing things these days, out of which 38% have this feeling on a few days and 9% feel so more than half of the days. 12% of the population have little interest almost every day in these times.

“Anxiety is one of the symptoms of depression. Most people are anxious on various counts. For some it is about not having a regular routine as they did in normal times,” says Divya Thampi, an Emotional Wellness Coach on GOQii Play, the interactive video coaching platform.

As a counsellor, she has found that for many individuals, it’s related to the work from home (WFH) situation. Work hours have invariably extended, there is lack of boundaries, lack of sleep, lack of motivation to work and lots of nervousness – all leading to anxiety.

Many are experiencing the ‘MEH’ feeling. This is an emotion that says a lot without saying much. It is a feeling where one has little interest in doing things, does not want to get up from the couch, wants to eat copious amounts of food and especially the urge to eat sugary things, procrastinating to do certain tasks that need to be done and many such things.

Key Insights of the Study

As per the GOQii study, approximately 10% feel down and depressed more than half of the days or nearly every day. The study further indicates that a large section of the population has little interest in doing things in the current scenario. There is a cause for concern with more than 59% of the population having little pleasure in doing things these days, out of which 38% have this feeling on a few days, 9% feel thus on more than half of the days and 12% of the population have little interest in anything almost every day.

The fact that there are no boundaries, no routine to follow and also that many have yet not been able to adjust to the new normal is creating problems for some. “Most people feel energetic when there is sense of purpose or a goal to achieve,” Thampi adds.

Counsellors and mental health practitioners say that from a pandemic perspective, the number of people reaching out for help is increasing and many are newcomers. The common feeling among most is that of ‘not feeling okay’.

Given The Situation, How Does One Cope With Depression?

What are the coping mechanisms that can ease the stress of those going through some or the other mental condition?

Coping mechanisms are varied. Under normal circumstances, walking in nature is advised, as it calms you and relaxes your mind. But in the current scenario, being indoors and not being able to step out is a challenge for many. Also, most look for a safe place to be able to talk to someone or their counsellors. Mental health practitioners say these days many are unable to do that. Given such a scenario what is the way out?

Thampi says, “When there a purpose or a goal set for yourself, you will be occupied to get that task or goal completed. Taking up something as a challenge works well as it gives you some engagement. Secondly, if you cannot go out, having plants around you is a good option as that is a connection to nature as well.”

Mental practitioners recommend that individuals in this condition should talk to people with whom they feel safe. One should also reach out for therapists if necessary. The positive factor is that people are reaching out for counselling. Counsellors and Mental Health practitioners echo one point that mental health is now being discussed openly by families, parents and even corporations. It is being taken seriously.

Mental health is an important part of overall health and wellbeing. It affects how we think, feel and act. It may also affect how we handle stress, relate to others and make choices during an emergency. We need more conversations around the issue and people need to realise its ‘okay’ to talk about it.

September 23, 2020 By Divya Thampi 1 Comment

The One Practice That Can Change Your Life

As she drifts between sleep and wakefulness, her mind brings along a sense of dread; just like a faithful pet would bring a rag doll, and wait, panting in anticipation, for her to wake up. Even before she can start to tell the difference between her own snores and the chimes of the alarm clock, the phone nudges her with notifications about the never-ending list of things to be done. She almost falls off her bed, phone in hand, stumbling from one task to another, trying to keep up with the demands of the day. She races against time, determined to make progress. But as the clock ticks on, her attempts to swim through the sea of distractions, hardly seem to work. She finishes her day feeling exhausted, with a nagging sense that very little has been achieved.

If such stress laden days, sound all too familiar, you are not alone. But knowing that many of us feel this way, hardly brings any reprieve from reality. However, one simple daily practice has the potential to change this experience quite drastically.

How Would You Like Your Day To Begin?

Before we talk about that practice, let’s look at what kind of day we would ideally like to spend – Personally, I would like to wake up feeling rested and refreshed, feeling excited and hopeful and in spite of the zillion things that need to be completed during the day, I would like to feel at peace with myself. Does that resonate with you? If it does, read ahead!

What’s That ONE Thing?

The one activity that could change the way we start and end our day, is Meditation. According to the Buddhist definition ‘Meditation practices are techniques that encourage and develop concentration, clarity, emotional positivity, and a calm seeing of the true nature of things.’

It is the one activity which will not change the circumstances or the people of your life, but has the potential to change the weather inside your mind. In 10 to 20 minutes, it could help your internal weather to change from grey, cloudy and chilly to pleasantly sunny, warm and hopeful.

How Meditation Helps!

When you meditate regularly, you get better at holding your attention in the present moment. This automatically leads to less distraction. It also improves your ability to process sensory information. Personally, I find myself more capable of holding back angry retorts and loosening the hold of obsessive thoughts, much more now than when meditation was not a part of my life. This is not surprising given the research which shows that regular meditation enlarges the pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking, and decision making) and reduces the Amygdala activation (the key brain structure known as the emotional or fear center of the brain), leading to improved emotional regulation! According to Dr. Keith Holden, in his book “Power of the mind in health and healing”- “Regular meditation may even help prevent age-related brain atrophy, which has the potential to protect against memory loss and improve brain function as you age.”

In broader terms, a regular meditation practice helps you feel better about yourself, bring more harmony in your relationships, develop your ability to perform better at work, improve your creative thinking and foster the ability to stay calm in the face of uncertainty, not to mention adding to your overall sense of wellbeing.

Yes, You Are Already Good At It!

Before I started practicing meditation, I used to think that it is meant for people who have a lot of time at hand. For someone who has retired from work life for instance, or someone who doesn’t have much to do. But I couldn’t be farther from the truth on both fronts! (being retired from work life doesn’t mean one is not busy). Meditation is beneficial for every single one of us. The busier you are, the more beneficial it is for you. You may not realise it, but whenever you are in a state of “flow” i.e. when you feel happily engrossed in a task, that you feel competent to do, and enjoy doing – you are meditating; you are meditating on that one task, with absolute focused attention and there’s this feeling of being in a different plane. You are meditating every time you sleep deeply. So, you are already practicing certain forms of meditation in your life and are good at it. Hence saying that “meditation is not my cup of tea” doesn’t hold water (or tea).

Conclusion

There’s no aspect of your life that goes untouched by the benefits of meditation. As an emotional wellness coach and counsellor, I get to hear hundreds of mental health concerns from people on a regular basis. No matter what the complaints are, meditation almost always features in the list of ways in which people can overcome those issues and move towards short term and long mental wellness. So, when do you plan to start?

We hope this article helps you! If you want to begin your meditation practice, check out some interesting articles on Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE meditation sessions with experts on GOQii Play. Subscribe now!

#BeTheForce

September 10, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Suicidal Thinking: Facts You Must Know To Save a Life!

“Psychache” – It is a term coined by experts studying suicide. It refers to the unbearable psychological pain experienced by people, who consider suicide. Contrary to popular belief, suicide is less about attention seeking, manipulation or selfishness and more about an attempt to save oneself from excruciating pain (mostly psychological). People in the throes of suicide ideation, engage in such thinking especially when they are flooded by feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, inadequacy, social exclusion, anxiety, humiliation and ending their own life seems like the only way to save themselves from what appears to be inescapable suffering.

When feeling this way, the individual’s perception of reality is constricted and sometimes collapsing, thus making it hard for them to access logical thinking and rational consideration of the pros and cons of suicide. This probably answers some of the questions that pop up in our heads about suicide, like – How can people ignore their survival instinct? Why can’t they see that things will get better? What stops them from reaching out for help?

Most people are tempted to argue and attempt to convince a suicidal person that suicide is not a solution to their problems. Unfortunately, the more we argue using cold logic, the more we deny the pain experienced by the person, aggravating the feelings of isolation and hopelessness they experience and thus the argument has the exact opposite effect, almost adding to the person’s conviction that they should go ahead with the suicide.

Some Common Myths About Suicidal Thinking

The key to understanding suicide is to understand suicidal thinking. The following myths and facts might help you save a life!

Myth #1: People who say that they are going to suicide are looking for attention.
Fact: Suicide is an extreme step that a person is driven to by deep feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and desolation. If someone says that they plan to suicide, believe them, and do not dismiss it as attention seeking behavior. Threatening suicide is a way of asking for help. Support them by listening and offering to help. The support may prevent them from taking this step.

Myth #2: All suicidal people have some or the other mental illness.
Fact: Though some people are diagnosed with a mental disorder, concluding that an individual is suicidal because of depression or other mental illnesses, is actually overlooking the real issue. Not all people with mental illnesses attempt suicide and not all who attempt suicide have had a history of mental illness.

Myth #3: The only people who can help a suicidal person are mental health professionals.
Fact: Any person who can listen non-judgmentally and provide support can effectively intervene. Professionals often involve friends and family for interventions.

Myth #4: If a person tells you about their suicidal thinking, you shouldn’t betray their confidence by telling others about it.
Fact: If you become aware that someone is considering suicide, you must inform a family member or friends who care, so that they can provide support. Informing loved ones is an important step in preventing suicides. Knowing that others care for them and that they are valued and wanted, discourages people from taking the extreme step.

Myth #5: If you suspect that a person may be considering suicide, never directly ask them whether they have had suicidal thoughts.
Fact: People worry that asking a person whether they have had suicidal thoughts can plant the idea of suicide in their head. On the contrary, asking to find out whether a person is thinking about suicide may allow the person to share their concerns and worries, and prevent them from deciding to die. It also lets them know that you care and worry about their safety.

Myth #6: Once a person decides to suicide nothing can stop them.
Fact: Most people who consider suicide are unsure about the choice. More than 90% of suicides are preventable. “Should I hang in there for one more day?” is a question that they end up asking themselves often. If one feels supported while feeling suicidal, and gets help in finding therapy or other support services, it can prevent them from taking such a decision now and in the future.

Myth #7: Improvement after a suicidal crisis, is equal to no more suicide risk.
Fact: The weeks and months that follow a suicidal crisis are the most high-risk period because when the person who attempted suicide starts to feel stronger, they feel more capable of taking actions required to carry through the suicidal intention.

In the next part of this blog, we will help you understand suicidal thinking and ways to provide support to those who need it. Keep your loved ones close!

#BeTheForce