About Divya Thampi

As an Emotional Wellness Coach, Counselor and Learning Facilitator, Divya provides individuals and groups with the guidance to lead an emotionally healthy and empowered life. She is a workplace counselor and an emotional wellness consultant who has completed Post Graduate studies in Counselling from Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Mumbai. She is also a Narrative Practitioner, having engaged in over 2000 counselling and coaching conversations and hosted 500 plus interactive live videos on GOQii on Emotional Wellness. In the last 2 decades, Divya has worked across multiple domains and been part of organizations like Nissan India, Carnival UK, Dell International Services and Oberoi Hotels. As a certified leadership trainer, she has facilitated training workshops for thousands of multi-national audiences across countries, over the years and continues to design workshops around emotional intelligence and wellness.

Hugely influenced by Carl Rogers and Robert Fritz, her purpose in life is to help people have better relationships with themselves, with others and live life to the fullest. Besides professional work, she is also a runner, fitness enthusiast, an avid reader, writer and a nature lover.

January 13, 2021 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

The Unexpected Cause Of Ageing And Stress

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and been surprised at the ever-increasing wrinkles or the swiftness with which the salt in your hair seems to be overtaking the pepper? Have you found yourself feeling tired at the end of a not so busy day? Found yourself hating the thought of Mondays and eagerly waiting for Saturdays every week? If you have, then you are not alone. There’s a huge percentage of population in their late 30s and 40s who feel stuck in their current jobs despite it seeming like they are living a successful life.

So you followed the life script of studying hard to get good scores, scrambling to get placed in the best of companies, chose your life partner carefully (or your family helped you with that), went on to have kids as per every one’s expectation and suddenly you are here with what looks like a happy family, decent lifestyle, a good designation at work, month on month salary, plus that void that you feel in your chest. That void is the only thing no one warned you about. Hence, not only are you at a stage in life where it feels like you are living someone else’s dreams but you experience pangs of guilt for feeling so deflated and dissatisfied.

Recently, while watching an interview of Dr. John Demartini, a world-renowned business consultant and author, the interviewer asked this wise 66 year old speaker for the secret to his youth and without blinking an eyelid he replied “I live in congruence with my highest values and that maintains my vitality at the peak levels”. It was a bulb on moment for me. This highly successful man who could easily pass off as a 40 year old, didn’t talk about his diet, his workout regimen or his skin care routine when asked about his youth. He spoke about his values and priorities instead! He said that he lives his life in congruence with his most important values and spends his time doing the things that he feels passionate about.

And the absence of that is the exact hidden cause of ageing and stress. When we are living life in a way that is in NOT in sync with what we value most, we are easily overcome with distraction, boredom and frustration. When we are doing things that don’t match our values, we are not playing our ‘A’ game and this leads us to second guessing our own motivations and capabilities. While confidence and enthusiasm evades us, we feel like fakes and suffer from the imposter syndrome. And is that surprising? No! If we are not doing the things we value most, we are being fake (though not deliberately) and trying to do things that doesn’t fit with who we truly are!

So, are you living a life of congruence? The gauge for whether you are or not is your level of satisfaction and enthusiasm in your day to day life. But, in case you are not living such a life of authenticity, don’t despair! Here are 5 questions you can ask yourself which will help you to get some clarity about what are those things that you value most and what your true priorities are.

Make sure that you give yourself an undistracted 30 minutes to read through and reflect on these questions because this could change the way you see yourself and your life ahead. Adapted from Dr. Demartini’s methodology, following are the five questions:

Look at your physical surroundings at home and observe the three things that you tend to surround yourself with. You have to choose three. Are they your work material? Or books on poetry? Or paintings that depict nature? Or is it clothes and accessories? Or maybe somethings to do with a particular sport? Or photographs of your loved ones?
What 3 things do you spend most of your time and energy on? Is it your workout regimen? Or music? Or reading about astrology? Or watching programs/videos on a certain topic? Or maybe it is socializing with friends? Or may be checking out recipes or cooking something new? Or is it solving people’s problems? Or on having the right look? Or it is financial planning?
What are the 3 things that you spend most amount of money on? Leaving aside the basic necessities of life that are needed for survival, what things do you end up spending your money on and feel excited every time you are about to buy it? There may be things that you may be spending money on reluctantly, those don’t count.
What are the top three things that you think most about? Whenever you are not focusing on an assigned task, where does your mind drift to? What does it spend a lot of time automatically focusing on and feeling energized about?
What are the areas in your life where you are most disciplined and organized? You may think of yourself as a disorganized and undisciplined, but there are areas where you are neither. It could be the way you organize your work files or the way you maintain your shoes and clothes or the way you plan your holidays or the way you organize meetings. You will have to think a little to identify these areas because they exist.

When you answer these questions, you will see certain areas/ aspects that show up repeatedly. While it is important that you answer these questions in one sitting, keep reading them and going through the questions and answers over a few days or weeks because the real responses will emerge over a period of time. The list you thus form, are your true priorities and the things that you value most. Consider deliberately thinking more about those areas and how you can live by those values and watch your life change for the better. So, what are you waiting for? Let’s get started!

We hope this article helps you. Do let us know your thoughts in the comments below! For more articles like this, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by our Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce

December 31, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

4 Reasons Why Affirmations Are Not Working For You

What are Affirmations?

Affirmations are statements that firmly declare a positive intention, stated as a truth, so as to make these thoughts a part of your reality. For example, someone who wants to improve their physical health may use affirmations like “I am healthy and well”, “I radiate good health” or “I love feeling fit and strong” or all of them. Generally, affirmations are used repetitively at certain times of the day. The idea behind using affirmations is to bring about a shift in our thoughts and beliefs. We humans have approximately 60000 thoughts in a single day and more often than not, we are unaware of our thoughts, they just stream through our minds constantly. What we think repeatedly and frequently slowly becomes our beliefs. And beliefs have the power to change reality. Thus, by influencing our thoughts, affirmations have the power to change our beliefs and reality.

How Does It Work?

In a study, individuals diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa (an eating disorder characterized by an abnormally low body weight, an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted perception of weight) were asked to walk through a doorway that became increasingly narrower. They found that these individuals started turning their body when the doorway was 40% wider than their shoulders while another set of individuals, without the diagnosis, turned only when the doorway was 25% wider than their shoulders. This pointed to the self-talk of the diagnosed individuals which made them believe that they were physically bigger than they actually were. In another study a group of patients who were due for a surgical procedure of the knee for osteoarthritis were divided into 2 groups. One went through the surgery while the other had a sham surgery i.e they had an incision made on their knee and the procedure was faked so that these patients believed that a surgery had been performed on them. The results were amazing because both the groups recovered equally. This is proof that the human mind has the power to make things happen if it believes in them.

Due to something called negativity bias (the tendency to focus on potential threats and difficulties) we humans tend to focus on negative aspects of our day to day life. When affirmations are used correctly, they can slowly replace the negative thoughts and help our mind to focus on not just what’s going well but seed the image of a reality that fits with our hopes and wishes.

Affirmation can slowly become a subconscious part of our thinking and belief system and the changes we wish to make in our lives will happen effortlessly. This sounds really simple and effective. Then why doesn’t it work as effectively for some?

Reasons why they sometimes fail and what to do about it

Here are 4 reasons why their efficacy may be low for some:

Contradicting practice – Many people may repeat the affirmations verbally or in writing once a day but say things and behave in ways that contradict these affirmations. For example, someone who wants to get a great job may be using affirmations like “I see myself in my dream job” for 10 minutes in the morning but for the rest of the day may be saying things like “It is tough times and jobs are not easy to come by” or “With my qualifications I don’t know if I can get a job I want.” Pay attention to your day today thoughts and words and use them in ways that match with the affirmations.
Not focusing emotionally – A very important factor for the affirmations to work is that one should focus on experiencing the feelings that come with the affirmative thought. We may be parroting the words without truly focusing and thus failing to generate the emotion. Positive emotion is the fuel that will push your desires to reality.
Using future tense – The affirmations have to be in present tense. If you use an affirmation like “I will be healthy and fit” your subconscious mind will always see it as something that is supposed to happen in the future, a future that never arrives. Affirmations in present tense allow you to not only picturize the possibility but also help you in experiencing the feelings that would accompany the accomplishment.
Framing affirmations negatively – Many of us find it easier to talk about what we don’t like or don’t want in our lives and this may lead to people using affirmations the same way. However, our mind thinks in images and finds it difficult to process negative words, so replace an affirmation like “I don’t feel angry all the time” with “I feel calm and at peace”.

Affirmations have the power to change your habitual thinking and alter your beliefs for the better. Come up with affirmations for 2-3 areas of your life where you want to see changes. As you continue to use these affirmations correctly and consistently, your mind will come up with ways to make them come true and attract the exact opportunities required to fulfill your dreams.

We hope you enjoyed this article. For more by our emotional wellness expert Divya Thampi, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her LIVE sessions on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce

November 6, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Three Powerful Relaxation Techniques For Immediate Relief From Stress

“The school just expects the parents to engage children all day, my son is hardly occupied for 2 hours with online classes!”

“Don’t step out of home for the next few days, the neighbors just arrived from their home town. They could be infected.”

“I have been sitting at my home study desk, attending calls all day, my brain’s fried!”

Those seem to be some common themes of many a conversation happening around us today. Is it any surprise that people are more stressed than usual? These are unprecedented times and if you find yourself feeling sad, anxious, angry, confused or scared without explanation, you are not alone. The specific reasons for the stress experienced during these times are as varied as the people themselves but there’s hardly anyone who can escape the clutches of stress. How does one remain grounded and feel a sense of equanimity in the midst of all that’s going on during these Covid times? Here’s help!

Following are three go-to relaxation techniques that therapists use to help their clients relax. Not all techniques may work for everyone but at least one of these should work for you:

1. Progressive Muscle relaxation

This exercise is very effective in lowering stress levels and can also reduce physical problems like headaches or stomachaches that accompany feelings of stress. This practice also improves sleep. When you are stressed your muscles tighten without your conscious awareness. Regular practice of PMR helps you to become aware of the difference between a tensed muscle and a completely relaxed muscle, thus improving your ability to recognize your bodily response to anxiety and mitigate it.

Sit down on a chair with a backrest such that you are sitting erect but not tensed.
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
Once you breath slows down, progressively tighten one muscle group (neck and shoulders or upper arm and lower arm) at a time for about 10-15 seconds.
Once the time is up, release the tension in the muscles completely with a long exhalation and observe the sensation in the relaxed muscles.
Continue this with each muscle group from head to feet.
You could do this 2-3 times a day and even before going to bed.
Avoid doing this with any part where there is a sprain or other injury.

2. Diaphragmatic Breathing –

Also known as belly breathing, it is the optimal way of breathing as it actively engages your diaphragm. Belly breathing leads to improved oxygen flow to the rest of the body. This kind of breathing triggers a relaxation response by stimulating the vagus nerve, the longest nerve emanating from the brain. This nerve has a significant role to play in reducing blood pressure, heart rate, improving calmness, relaxation, and digestion. When engaging in breath based meditations most people practice belly breathing. Chest breathing is something we learned to do as a reaction to stress. For belly breathing, follow these steps:

Sit comfortably or lie flat on your bed or any other comfortable surface and relax your shoulders.
Place one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
Breathe in through your nose for 2-10 seconds (according to your capacity).
Feel the cool air moving through your nostrils into your abdomen, making your stomach inflate. During this type of breathing, make sure your stomach is moving outward while your chest remains relatively still.
Press gently on your stomach, and exhale slowly for about 2-10 seconds.
With every exhalation you will notice the stomach deflate under your palm
Repeat these steps several times and observe your body relax.

3. Guided Imagery

This is a focused practice that involves all or most of the 5 senses, to kindle calming responses in the mind and the body. Guided imagery uses imagination to take one to a calm, peaceful place, internally. This is a powerful tool that has a positive impact on blood pressure, breathing, oxygenation and heart rate. It can reduce pain and also improve the healing process of the body and mind. Our body reacts the same whether we experience something in reality or imagine it. So when you imagine yourself sitting in a beautiful green meadow and watching a clear stream of water flow over smoothened rocks, your body responds as if you were actually in the meadow.

Sit down or lie down comfortably and close your eyes.
Take a few deep breaths to help you relax.
Imagine a scene that is calm and peaceful. This could be a beach, a meadow, a valley, the mountains or a riverside, according to your preference.
Visualise the scene and slowly add some details, like a gentle breeze, fragrance of the grass, gurgling sound of water or the chirping of birds. Is the sky a clear blue or do you see fluffy white clouds?
It helps to visualise you walking through the scene and experiencing the beauty and serenity using all your senses.
And as you walk through the scene and go deeper you feel more and more relaxed.
Continue to breathe slowly and experience the sense of peace that envelops your body and mind. Think of a word or sound that you can use in the future to help you mentally return to this place.
When you feel ready, gently bring yourself back to the present. Tell yourself that you will feel relaxed and refreshed when this is done and slowly open your eyes. Notice how you feel right now.
You could also use a recorded guided imagery audio, which is generally available on many of the free versions of meditation apps.

We hope these powerful relaxation techniques help you find relief from stress. Do let us know your thoughts in the comments below! For more articles on stress and stress management, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by experts on stress management, yoga and meditation on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce

October 28, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Your Mental Health Guide To Work From Home

It wasn’t that long ago that working from home was considered a luxury that only a few could afford. But with the pandemic setting in, working from home (WFH) became the norm. And suddenly it doesn’t feel like all that it was made out to be. To start with, the pandemic forced most people to switch from work-from-office to WFH, irrespective of their preference, and studies show that perceived lack of choice can add to people’s overall sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Secondly, even for those who may have preferred WFH, the suddenness of the change deprived them of the opportunity to plan and prepare for it. In many households, the added responsibility of children being at home, with the schools going online, only added to the chaos.

But Work From Home need not be all distress, challenges and constraints. If we follow the right set of guidelines, it can be a pleasant experience for most even in the current situation. Here is a list of 7 guidelines to change WFH into a boon rather than a bane!

1. Follow a healthy routine

Having a healthy routine is one of the most underrated mental health tools. For the uninitiated, WFH seems to bring out the worst in people. From starting work before even brushing teeth to sleeping with one’s laptop still turned on by their side, there is no dearth of unhealthy routines in people’s lives. This can be disastrous for your mental health.

Follow a well-defined healthy routine. Start with sleeping and waking up at a set time each day, followed with a personal hygiene routine (shower, change), moving on to some stretching or exercise, followed by small rituals (like a cup of tea/ breakfast with family or meditation) to ease into the work day. Begin work at a scheduled time and as far as possible, stop at a pre-decided time. Take short breaks every 30-45 min and make sure that you take proper breaks for your meal.

2. Focus on all the benefits of Work From Home

Changing the way we think about WFH can bring about a significant shift in the way we feel about it. Instead of allowing your thoughts to routinely worry about how you dislike the current situation, deliberately list down and focus on all the opportunities and benefits that the WFH situation presents. From closer proximity to family members through the day or having more chances to invest in learning new skills, to finding more time to focus on your health and relationships, this situation presents a lot of openings to live a more deliberate and meaningful life.

3. Invest in your home office

Do not under any circumstances work from your bed and avoid working from that favorite couch you like to lounge on. It was okay to do so when you were doing that odd hour of Work From Home, on the weekends, but it is not going to fly when you are working from home every day. A separate work room that can shut out distractions while you focus on work, would be ideal. But if that is not possible, designate a particular corner or side of the room from which you will be working. Invest in a worktable (you could also opt for a second hand or inexpensive but sturdy collapsible table) and a chair that supports your back well. Your posture and physical comfort while working makes a big difference to how you feel about the work you do and how energized you feel through the day.

4. Get physically active

Your physical health and mental health are intricately linked. When you are involved in physical exercise, not only does that make you physically stronger but also stimulates the production of endorphins – chemicals in the brain that act as mood elevators and painkillers. Physical activity also reduces stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. So, whether it is practicing yoga or shaking a leg to Zumba or going for the good old brisk walk, make sure to add a dose of physical exercise to every single day.

5. Connect with nature

Spending more time in green spaces and/or bringing nature into your everyday life, whether it is by growing plants or exercising outdoors or being around animals, is known to benefit mental as well as physical health. It helps reduce stress, increase relaxation, boost self-esteem and improve your mood. For city dwellers, having tea in the balcony each day or taking a walk in the open air (even within the building complex) could be ways to make interaction with nature a part of your daily routine.

6. Take Digital breaks

Technology has saved the day by making many things possible in today’s world. And yet, we all know that excessive screen use can disrupt the delicate balance of our body and mind. Consciously take breaks from screen for at least 1-2 hours during the waking hours. It could be for some time soon after waking up and during your meal times or an hour before hitting the bed and your time with family or exercise time.

7. Socialise and nurture harmonious interactions

We humans have a strong need to feel emotionally connected with others, irrespective of our gender, class or age. While following the physical distancing rules, make sure that you have relaxing chats with friends, family or even colleagues on a regular basis; chats that go beyond the transactional interactions. Regular audio or video calls with close friends or a sibling or a grown-up child, who resides in a different city or engaging in planned catch up sessions with friends can help fulfil the much-needed connection.

Allow yourself to be more relaxed in your interaction with colleagues. Setting the intention to not get upset with unplanned events & unpleasant interactions, at the start of each day, can set you up for success and making a choice to pause and breathe deeply each time you notice feeling stressed, can do wonders for your mental well-being.

We hope this article helps you! For more on maintaining good health during Work From Home, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by experts on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce