About Divya Thampi

As an Emotional Wellness Coach, Counselor and Learning Facilitator, Divya provides individuals and groups with the guidance to lead an emotionally healthy and empowered life. She is a workplace counselor and an emotional wellness consultant who has completed Post Graduate studies in Counselling from Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Mumbai. She is also a Narrative Practitioner, having engaged in over 2000 counselling and coaching conversations and hosted 500 plus interactive live videos on GOQii on Emotional Wellness. In the last 2 decades, Divya has worked across multiple domains and been part of organizations like Nissan India, Carnival UK, Dell International Services and Oberoi Hotels. As a certified leadership trainer, she has facilitated training workshops for thousands of multi-national audiences across countries, over the years and continues to design workshops around emotional intelligence and wellness.

Hugely influenced by Carl Rogers and Robert Fritz, her purpose in life is to help people have better relationships with themselves, with others and live life to the fullest. Besides professional work, she is also a runner, fitness enthusiast, an avid reader, writer and a nature lover.

October 28, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Your Mental Health Guide To Work From Home

It wasn’t that long ago that working from home was considered a luxury that only a few could afford. But with the pandemic setting in, working from home (WFH) became the norm. And suddenly it doesn’t feel like all that it was made out to be. To start with, the pandemic forced most people to switch from work-from-office to WFH, irrespective of their preference, and studies show that perceived lack of choice can add to people’s overall sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Secondly, even for those who may have preferred WFH, the suddenness of the change deprived them of the opportunity to plan and prepare for it. In many households, the added responsibility of children being at home, with the schools going online, only added to the chaos.

But Work From Home need not be all distress, challenges and constraints. If we follow the right set of guidelines, it can be a pleasant experience for most even in the current situation. Here is a list of 7 guidelines to change WFH into a boon rather than a bane!

1. Follow a healthy routine

Having a healthy routine is one of the most underrated mental health tools. For the uninitiated, WFH seems to bring out the worst in people. From starting work before even brushing teeth to sleeping with one’s laptop still turned on by their side, there is no dearth of unhealthy routines in people’s lives. This can be disastrous for your mental health.

Follow a well-defined healthy routine. Start with sleeping and waking up at a set time each day, followed with a personal hygiene routine (shower, change), moving on to some stretching or exercise, followed by small rituals (like a cup of tea/ breakfast with family or meditation) to ease into the work day. Begin work at a scheduled time and as far as possible, stop at a pre-decided time. Take short breaks every 30-45 min and make sure that you take proper breaks for your meal.

2. Focus on all the benefits of Work From Home

Changing the way we think about WFH can bring about a significant shift in the way we feel about it. Instead of allowing your thoughts to routinely worry about how you dislike the current situation, deliberately list down and focus on all the opportunities and benefits that the WFH situation presents. From closer proximity to family members through the day or having more chances to invest in learning new skills, to finding more time to focus on your health and relationships, this situation presents a lot of openings to live a more deliberate and meaningful life.

3. Invest in your home office

Do not under any circumstances work from your bed and avoid working from that favorite couch you like to lounge on. It was okay to do so when you were doing that odd hour of Work From Home, on the weekends, but it is not going to fly when you are working from home every day. A separate work room that can shut out distractions while you focus on work, would be ideal. But if that is not possible, designate a particular corner or side of the room from which you will be working. Invest in a worktable (you could also opt for a second hand or inexpensive but sturdy collapsible table) and a chair that supports your back well. Your posture and physical comfort while working makes a big difference to how you feel about the work you do and how energized you feel through the day.

4. Get physically active

Your physical health and mental health are intricately linked. When you are involved in physical exercise, not only does that make you physically stronger but also stimulates the production of endorphins – chemicals in the brain that act as mood elevators and painkillers. Physical activity also reduces stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. So, whether it is practicing yoga or shaking a leg to Zumba or going for the good old brisk walk, make sure to add a dose of physical exercise to every single day.

5. Connect with nature

Spending more time in green spaces and/or bringing nature into your everyday life, whether it is by growing plants or exercising outdoors or being around animals, is known to benefit mental as well as physical health. It helps reduce stress, increase relaxation, boost self-esteem and improve your mood. For city dwellers, having tea in the balcony each day or taking a walk in the open air (even within the building complex) could be ways to make interaction with nature a part of your daily routine.

6. Take Digital breaks

Technology has saved the day by making many things possible in today’s world. And yet, we all know that excessive screen use can disrupt the delicate balance of our body and mind. Consciously take breaks from screen for at least 1-2 hours during the waking hours. It could be for some time soon after waking up and during your meal times or an hour before hitting the bed and your time with family or exercise time.

7. Socialise and nurture harmonious interactions

We humans have a strong need to feel emotionally connected with others, irrespective of our gender, class or age. While following the physical distancing rules, make sure that you have relaxing chats with friends, family or even colleagues on a regular basis; chats that go beyond the transactional interactions. Regular audio or video calls with close friends or a sibling or a grown-up child, who resides in a different city or engaging in planned catch up sessions with friends can help fulfil the much-needed connection.

Allow yourself to be more relaxed in your interaction with colleagues. Setting the intention to not get upset with unplanned events & unpleasant interactions, at the start of each day, can set you up for success and making a choice to pause and breathe deeply each time you notice feeling stressed, can do wonders for your mental well-being.

We hope this article helps you! For more on maintaining good health during Work From Home, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by experts on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce

October 7, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

What I Learned About Bringing A Real Change In Self

It wasn’t long ago that two of us friends visited a common friend and her family. As we all got chatting on a particularly interesting topic, I grew excited and participated enthusiastically. Everyone seemed to have a good time and I went back in good spirits pondering about some of the things we spoke about.

A few weeks later the friend who had accompanied me for the visit, gently pointed out to me that I had dominated the conversation that evening; chiming in more often than was necessary, cutting off others in my enthusiasm. As he shared his observation, I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Every cell in my body demanded that I put this friend in his place by giving free reign to the hurtful words that awaited their release from the tip of my tongue.

All through the din of my internal battle drums, a very quiet voice from somewhere close to my heart, stopped me. It calmly pointed out that may be this friend was not so completely wrong. But I still hadn’t reached a place of unconditional self-acceptance so as to receive such feedback with grace and gratitude. I was foaming at the mouth instead.

Just about managing to hold back the venom that was ready to spew through my words, I sat through the next 5 minutes in stoic silence letting my loving friend squirm in discomfort, though he deserved better for his courage and honesty. With the passing of minutes I managed to calm down sufficiently to be decent to him. We even managed to finish our coffee and share a few smiles before going off our different ways.

That evening I sat with my journal painfully writing down an honest account of what had happened on that particular evening — the evening of the get- together, when I was supposed to have been behaving like a self-centred loud mouth. As I sifted through the scenes, it became clear that my friend had been spot on in his feedback.

As all of us had engaged in discussing and debating on an interesting topic, I had kept pushing my point of view, expressing my thoughts and increasing my volume just a wee bit, enough to suppress any attempts by others to oppose me, not pausing for breath; almost as if I was scared that if I paused someone may take my place as the Prima donna.

I remembered observing and ignoring fleeting expressions of frustration and impatience on the listeners faces, as they experienced themselves being cut off half way through their sentences. I recalled the grace with which they chose to listen to me rather than express their irritation. I even remember having the nagging feeling that I should stop, slow down, pause and let others participate, but something kept egging me on. This “something” is what I was scared to confront. Because according to my judgment this “something” — the need to feel important, made me a pathetic person.

I felt embarrassment and anger course through me — Embarrassment about my appalling behaviour and anger towards myself for not doing better. After a few hours of internal battle, I came out relatively unscathed, resolving to work on changing my behaviour. I am glad to say that I have made progress since then.

As I looked back on that evening of introspection and asked – why was the experience so painful? What was it that helped me come out a better person, through it? This is what I learnt.

I had experienced shame and anger at the beginning because I had been judgmental about myself, telling myself that I was expected to be thoughtful and considerate at all times. Effectively I was holding myself up to standards that I may never be able to live up to — of not making mistakes. However after calming down with a few deep breaths, I had told myself what I tell many of my clients, who are trying to bring about change in themselves — You are more than your words and actions; acknowledging a flaw in a behaviour does not imply that you are a bad person. I had practiced with great difficulty what I preach to my clients — self-compassion and self-love.

I had held myself lovingly through the pain of knowing that in those moments I must have behaved like a selfish inconsiderate idiot, but had also assured myself that I still wasn’t any of that; that it was a behaviour demonstrated in a moment of ignorance and poor judgment; that I was capable of bringing about change. I had reminded myself that pain is the strongest indicator of growth.

Self-compassion and self-love had saved the day. And I will admit that it is not always easy to practice these. I had help — help in the form of all those friends and family who, in my life journey, not only showed me compassion but also let me know that I was loved, through my moments of weakness and strength; help in the form of those masters and authors who made themselves the instrument of change and generously laid out their life experiments for others like me, to learn from; help in the form of clients who dug deep into their being, to come up with the courage to care for themselves despite their flaws. I was grateful to them for allowing me to witness the transformation they brought in themselves with such love, for instilling in me the confidence that true personal growth needs a mix of honesty, courage, love and self-compassion and for giving me the inspiration to grow.

As I write this I wish and hope that more of us can practice self-compassion and self-love because we need it, we deserve it and because I am convinced that the only way we can bring about substantial change and growth in ourselves, is through love and compassion.

#BeTheForce

September 23, 2020 By Divya Thampi 1 Comment

The One Practice That Can Change Your Life

As she drifts between sleep and wakefulness, her mind brings along a sense of dread; just like a faithful pet would bring a rag doll, and wait, panting in anticipation, for her to wake up. Even before she can start to tell the difference between her own snores and the chimes of the alarm clock, the phone nudges her with notifications about the never-ending list of things to be done. She almost falls off her bed, phone in hand, stumbling from one task to another, trying to keep up with the demands of the day. She races against time, determined to make progress. But as the clock ticks on, her attempts to swim through the sea of distractions, hardly seem to work. She finishes her day feeling exhausted, with a nagging sense that very little has been achieved.

If such stress laden days, sound all too familiar, you are not alone. But knowing that many of us feel this way, hardly brings any reprieve from reality. However, one simple daily practice has the potential to change this experience quite drastically.

How Would You Like Your Day To Begin?

Before we talk about that practice, let’s look at what kind of day we would ideally like to spend – Personally, I would like to wake up feeling rested and refreshed, feeling excited and hopeful and in spite of the zillion things that need to be completed during the day, I would like to feel at peace with myself. Does that resonate with you? If it does, read ahead!

What’s That ONE Thing?

The one activity that could change the way we start and end our day, is Meditation. According to the Buddhist definition ‘Meditation practices are techniques that encourage and develop concentration, clarity, emotional positivity, and a calm seeing of the true nature of things.’

It is the one activity which will not change the circumstances or the people of your life, but has the potential to change the weather inside your mind. In 10 to 20 minutes, it could help your internal weather to change from grey, cloudy and chilly to pleasantly sunny, warm and hopeful.

How Meditation Helps!

When you meditate regularly, you get better at holding your attention in the present moment. This automatically leads to less distraction. It also improves your ability to process sensory information. Personally, I find myself more capable of holding back angry retorts and loosening the hold of obsessive thoughts, much more now than when meditation was not a part of my life. This is not surprising given the research which shows that regular meditation enlarges the pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking, and decision making) and reduces the Amygdala activation (the key brain structure known as the emotional or fear center of the brain), leading to improved emotional regulation! According to Dr. Keith Holden, in his book “Power of the mind in health and healing”- “Regular meditation may even help prevent age-related brain atrophy, which has the potential to protect against memory loss and improve brain function as you age.”

In broader terms, a regular meditation practice helps you feel better about yourself, bring more harmony in your relationships, develop your ability to perform better at work, improve your creative thinking and foster the ability to stay calm in the face of uncertainty, not to mention adding to your overall sense of wellbeing.

Yes, You Are Already Good At It!

Before I started practicing meditation, I used to think that it is meant for people who have a lot of time at hand. For someone who has retired from work life for instance, or someone who doesn’t have much to do. But I couldn’t be farther from the truth on both fronts! (being retired from work life doesn’t mean one is not busy). Meditation is beneficial for every single one of us. The busier you are, the more beneficial it is for you. You may not realise it, but whenever you are in a state of “flow” i.e. when you feel happily engrossed in a task, that you feel competent to do, and enjoy doing – you are meditating; you are meditating on that one task, with absolute focused attention and there’s this feeling of being in a different plane. You are meditating every time you sleep deeply. So, you are already practicing certain forms of meditation in your life and are good at it. Hence saying that “meditation is not my cup of tea” doesn’t hold water (or tea).

Conclusion

There’s no aspect of your life that goes untouched by the benefits of meditation. As an emotional wellness coach and counsellor, I get to hear hundreds of mental health concerns from people on a regular basis. No matter what the complaints are, meditation almost always features in the list of ways in which people can overcome those issues and move towards short term and long mental wellness. So, when do you plan to start?

We hope this article helps you! If you want to begin your meditation practice, check out some interesting articles on Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE meditation sessions with experts on GOQii Play. Subscribe now!

#BeTheForce

September 10, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Suicidal Thinking: Facts You Must Know To Save a Life!

“Psychache” – It is a term coined by experts studying suicide. It refers to the unbearable psychological pain experienced by people, who consider suicide. Contrary to popular belief, suicide is less about attention seeking, manipulation or selfishness and more about an attempt to save oneself from excruciating pain (mostly psychological). People in the throes of suicide ideation, engage in such thinking especially when they are flooded by feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, inadequacy, social exclusion, anxiety, humiliation and ending their own life seems like the only way to save themselves from what appears to be inescapable suffering.

When feeling this way, the individual’s perception of reality is constricted and sometimes collapsing, thus making it hard for them to access logical thinking and rational consideration of the pros and cons of suicide. This probably answers some of the questions that pop up in our heads about suicide, like – How can people ignore their survival instinct? Why can’t they see that things will get better? What stops them from reaching out for help?

Most people are tempted to argue and attempt to convince a suicidal person that suicide is not a solution to their problems. Unfortunately, the more we argue using cold logic, the more we deny the pain experienced by the person, aggravating the feelings of isolation and hopelessness they experience and thus the argument has the exact opposite effect, almost adding to the person’s conviction that they should go ahead with the suicide.

Some Common Myths About Suicidal Thinking

The key to understanding suicide is to understand suicidal thinking. The following myths and facts might help you save a life!

Myth #1: People who say that they are going to suicide are looking for attention.
Fact: Suicide is an extreme step that a person is driven to by deep feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and desolation. If someone says that they plan to suicide, believe them, and do not dismiss it as attention seeking behavior. Threatening suicide is a way of asking for help. Support them by listening and offering to help. The support may prevent them from taking this step.

Myth #2: All suicidal people have some or the other mental illness.
Fact: Though some people are diagnosed with a mental disorder, concluding that an individual is suicidal because of depression or other mental illnesses, is actually overlooking the real issue. Not all people with mental illnesses attempt suicide and not all who attempt suicide have had a history of mental illness.

Myth #3: The only people who can help a suicidal person are mental health professionals.
Fact: Any person who can listen non-judgmentally and provide support can effectively intervene. Professionals often involve friends and family for interventions.

Myth #4: If a person tells you about their suicidal thinking, you shouldn’t betray their confidence by telling others about it.
Fact: If you become aware that someone is considering suicide, you must inform a family member or friends who care, so that they can provide support. Informing loved ones is an important step in preventing suicides. Knowing that others care for them and that they are valued and wanted, discourages people from taking the extreme step.

Myth #5: If you suspect that a person may be considering suicide, never directly ask them whether they have had suicidal thoughts.
Fact: People worry that asking a person whether they have had suicidal thoughts can plant the idea of suicide in their head. On the contrary, asking to find out whether a person is thinking about suicide may allow the person to share their concerns and worries, and prevent them from deciding to die. It also lets them know that you care and worry about their safety.

Myth #6: Once a person decides to suicide nothing can stop them.
Fact: Most people who consider suicide are unsure about the choice. More than 90% of suicides are preventable. “Should I hang in there for one more day?” is a question that they end up asking themselves often. If one feels supported while feeling suicidal, and gets help in finding therapy or other support services, it can prevent them from taking such a decision now and in the future.

Myth #7: Improvement after a suicidal crisis, is equal to no more suicide risk.
Fact: The weeks and months that follow a suicidal crisis are the most high-risk period because when the person who attempted suicide starts to feel stronger, they feel more capable of taking actions required to carry through the suicidal intention.

In the next part of this blog, we will help you understand suicidal thinking and ways to provide support to those who need it. Keep your loved ones close!

#BeTheForce