About Divya Thampi

Divya is an Emotional Wellness and Mid-Career Coach. Hugely influenced by Carl Rogers and Robert Fritz, her purpose in life is to help people have better relationships with themselves, with others and live life to the fullest. She is on a mission to help mid-career professionals discover and switch over to the career of their dreams using Emotional Intelligence. She believes that doing work that aligns with who you are at heart, has the power to bring about a palpable shift in the way you feel & the way you show up in this world!

Divya has engaged in over 2000 individual counselling and coaching conversations, helping people make significant life changes. She has hosted 600+ interactive group coaching sessions on Goqii Play, as well as numerous workshops and seminars for other organisations on Emotional health & Wellness. In the last 20 years, she has worked in multiple industries and facilitated training workshops for over 5000 multi-national participants from around the world.

Besides professional work, she is also a runner, fitness enthusiast, an avid reader, writer and a nature lover. Her favourite quote (source unknown) is “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

June 18, 2022 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Autism Spectrum Disorder – There’s More To It Than We Know

Photo by Anna Kolosyuk on Unsplash

“Anita starts fondling materials of certain textures, seemingly, without regard for where and on whom the fabric may be located”; “Vansh sometimes asks the same question over and over again, even when he had been given the answer”; “Suhas suddenly starts flapping his arms for no particular reason, and goes on for over five minutes without stopping”

These are descriptions of certain behaviours observed in people/children living with Autism.

The Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is not just a single disorder

The word “spectrum” refers to a wide range of symptoms and severity. ASD impacts the way the brain is wired and this difference in wiring can make people in the spectrum good at certain tasks that others find difficult, such as, maths, music or arts. It can also do the opposite, where they find the activities that other people find easy, incredibly difficult, such as socializing and making friends. As per a report published in 2018, one in 59 children will be diagnosed with ASD. Signs usually become evident in children by 2 years of age.

Children/ adults in the spectrum experience difficulties in three main areas – communication, social interaction and behaviour.

Following are some symptoms and types of behaviors seen in people diagnosed with ASD:

Failing to, or being slow to respond to someone calling their name
Resists cuddling and holding and seems to prefer playing alone, retreating into his or her own world.
Makes little eye contact and lacks facial expression
Doesn’t speak or has delayed speech, or loses previous ability to say words or sentences.
Can’t start a conversation or keep one going
Difficulty in understanding simple questions or directions.
Limited or no expression of emotions or feelings and appears unaware of others’ feelings.
Repetitive behaviours like repeating words or phrases.
Intense and lasting interest in certain topics, such as numbers, details, or facts.
Getting upset by slight changes in a routine.
Being more or less sensitive than other people to sensory input, such as light, noise, clothing, or temperature.

The person experiencing Autism Spectrum Disorder has no control over any of these but is often and easily judged by others to be stoic, uncaring, self-centered or many other unkind and unfair ways.

Alongside these symptoms most people experiencing Autism Spectrum Disorder also have to deal with biomedical problems like Seizure disorders, Gastrointestinal disorders, Psychiatric disorders, Metabolic conditions, Sleep irregularities and Obesity. However, these issues often go unaddressed and can aggravate behaviours that seem inappropriate.

As humans, our senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) are constantly sending information to our brain about our surroundings and about other people. This helps us to choose appropriate responses. And yet to cope with situations that feel uncomfortable or chaotic, each of us develop behaviours that help to calm us down, like fidgeting, biting nails or running our hand through the hair. In Autism Spectrum Disorder where the brain and its senses don’t communicate well, the brain can become overwhelmed and confused, impacting how the person sees the world. People in the spectrum may try to cope with a sensory overload like bright lights or loud sounds, smells or touch (which may feel normal to others, but extreme to them) by rocking themselves, flapping hands, swaying, spinning or doing a number of other things. These actions may seem unusual to others but it is just their way of trying to feel calm. When you see them this way, it means that they are having a hard time.

The kind thing to do is NOT to make it harder for them by getting angry, or ignoring or mocking them. Instead they need friends and family who take the time and patience to understand them and support them.

When in the spectrum, one may often have a difficult time understanding and processing societal norms, especially in terms of social interactions. It doesn’t mean that they are immature or that they don’t care. All it means is that sometimes they don’t know how they are supposed to act or respond. Impatience and misunderstanding by others can often leave people in the spectrum, feeling lonely, anxious and isolated.

They are not ill or broken.

They don’t need fixing.

They just have a different way of experiencing things around them and a unique view of the world. Contrary to popular belief people experiencing ASD also have feelings and care for others. They may not be able to pick up sarcasm but often make some of the best and most honest friends.

“I don’t want to be autistic. But I am, so don’t be mad. Be understanding.” – Carly Fleischmann

For more articles on mental health and emotional wellness, check out Healthy Reads.

#BeTheForce

May 24, 2022 By Divya Thampi 1 Comment

Making Sense of Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is one of the most misunderstood mental disorders in our society. Hence, let’s start with what Schizophrenia is NOT:

It is not split personality or multiple personality disorder
People dealing with schizophrenia are not “Mad”
A vast majority of them are not violent and do not pose a threat to others

With that out of the way,

Let’s Understand What Schizophrenia Is:

It is a major psychotic illness that impacts thoughts, feelings and behavior of individuals. Schizophrenia is in fact, an umbrella like diagnosis used for categorizing a wide range of symptoms, all of which may or may not be experienced by people with this condition.

The experience of schizophrenia is unique to each person. It impacts about 1.1% of the world population i.e. about 51 million people worldwide and symptoms generally start showing up during adolescence or early adulthood.

The Symptoms Include:

Social withdrawal: The person may avoid spending time with others and may prefer being alone.
Loss of Interest & Enthusiasm: There may be reduced sense of enjoyment. Things and activities that used to interest them may no longer give them pleasure.
Disorganized Thinking: Here, the individual switches from one track of thought to another abruptly and without warning. This may seem bizarre and illogical to the listener, and is one of the defining features of schizophrenia.
Delusions: These are beliefs and impressions that seem disconnected with reality. For example, the person may believe that they are part of royalty or in a position of power with special abilities, or that people are plotting revenge against them, or that a catastrophe is about to occur, or that someone is in love with them.
Hallucination: This refers to seeing or hearing things that don’t exist, but for the person experiencing it, it feels very real and vivid. While it could involve the sense of sight, hearing or smell, the most common hallucinations include hearing voices speaking, murmuring or whispering.
Emotional Blunting: This refers to reduced expression of emotion on face, speech and bodily movements. It may appear that there is reduced interest and personal warmth in the individual dealing with schizophrenia.
Cognitive problems: They may have difficulty focusing on any one thing for longer durations and may quickly lose interest when someone is speaking to them. They may forget to do routine things which most of us take for granted and the lack of attention could impact their performance at work, studies and other areas.

Like mentioned earlier, people dealing with Schizophrenia may experience some of the symptoms and may not experience others. Also, the frequency and severity of the symptoms varies from person to person. There may be psychotic episodes where the severity of the symptoms may be more and continue to be severe for the duration of the episode.

The exact cause of schizophrenia has not yet been established. Studies indicate that a combination of genetics, environmental factors and brain chemistry contributes to the development of the disorder.

Schizophrenia is a chronic disorder that requires life-long management, just like in the case of diabetes and blood pressure. While there is no known cure for it, with the right treatment, symptoms can be managed and the individual can lead an independent, productive and meaningful life.

Early diagnosis, the right treatment and adhering to the treatment plan, go a long way in helping people manage the symptoms and live a functional life. A psychiatrist is qualified to diagnose the disorder and treatment is generally a combination of medication and therapy. In many cases the impacted individual may not have the insight that the changes in their behavior are due to a disorder and the family may have to take the initiative to take them for a diagnosis and treatment.

However, the stereotypes about this disorder compounded by the stigma around mental illnesses, often prevent families from reaching out for help, thus aggravating the condition. The impact of the ignorance of this illness is obvious in the statistics which show that 1 out of 10 people who deal with schizophrenia commit suicide and 4 out of 10, at the least attempt suicide.

Being aware of the diagnosis of schizophrenia can be deeply distressing for the individual and they require a supportive environment for recovery. Due to fear, ignorance or awkwardness, friends, family members and others, may be overcautious or insensitive to people who may be dealing with the disorder.

If you have a colleague, friend or a known person who is dealing with the condition, educate yourself about the condition, talk to them, treat them normally and also let them know that you are there to help and support them. The illness can cause the individual to become socially withdrawn and isolated, hence it is important for them to have contact and connection with others.

Initiating conversations with the individuals dealing with schizophrenia, whether it is purely to discuss practicalities or for fostering a connection, is critical for them to be able to lead a normal life and overcome isolation.

May 12, 2022 By Divya Thampi 1 Comment

The One Practice That Can Change Your Life

As she drifts between sleep and wakefulness, her mind brings along a sense of dread; just like a faithful pet would bring a rag doll, and wait, panting in anticipation, for her to wake up. Even before she can start to tell the difference between her own snores and the chimes of the alarm clock, the phone nudges her with notifications about the never-ending list of things to be done. She almost falls off her bed, phone in hand, stumbling from one task to another, trying to keep up with the demands of the day. She races against time, determined to make progress. But as the clock ticks on, her attempts to swim through the sea of distractions, hardly seem to work. She finishes her day feeling exhausted, with a nagging sense that very little has been achieved.

If such stress laden days, sound all too familiar, you are not alone. But knowing that many of us feel this way, hardly brings any reprieve from reality. However, one simple daily practice has the potential to change this experience quite drastically.

How Would You Like Your Day To Begin?

Before we talk about that practice, let’s look at what kind of day we would ideally like to spend – Personally, I would like to wake up feeling rested and refreshed, feeling excited and hopeful and in spite of the zillion things that need to be completed during the day, I would like to feel at peace with myself. Does that resonate with you? If it does, read ahead!

What’s That ONE Thing?

The one activity that could change the way we start and end our day, is Meditation. According to the Buddhist definition ‘Meditation practices are techniques that encourage and develop concentration, clarity, emotional positivity, and a calm seeing of the true nature of things.’

It is the one activity which will not change the circumstances or the people of your life, but has the potential to change the weather inside your mind. In 10 to 20 minutes, it could help your internal weather to change from grey, cloudy and chilly to pleasantly sunny, warm and hopeful.

How Meditation Helps!

When you meditate regularly, you get better at holding your attention in the present moment. This automatically leads to less distraction. It also improves your ability to process sensory information. Personally, I find myself more capable of holding back angry retorts and loosening the hold of obsessive thoughts, much more now than when meditation was not a part of my life. This is not surprising given the research which shows that regular meditation enlarges the pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking, and decision making) and reduces the Amygdala activation (the key brain structure known as the emotional or fear center of the brain), leading to improved emotional regulation! According to Dr. Keith Holden, in his book “Power of the mind in health and healing”- “Regular meditation may even help prevent age-related brain atrophy, which has the potential to protect against memory loss and improve brain function as you age.”

In broader terms, a regular meditation practice helps you feel better about yourself, bring more harmony in your relationships, develop your ability to perform better at work, improve your creative thinking and foster the ability to stay calm in the face of uncertainty, not to mention adding to your overall sense of wellbeing.

Yes, You Are Already Good At It!

Before I started practicing meditation, I used to think that it is meant for people who have a lot of time at hand. For someone who has retired from work life for instance, or someone who doesn’t have much to do. But I couldn’t be farther from the truth on both fronts! (being retired from work life doesn’t mean one is not busy). Meditation is beneficial for every single one of us. The busier you are, the more beneficial it is for you. You may not realise it, but whenever you are in a state of “flow” i.e. when you feel happily engrossed in a task, that you feel competent to do, and enjoy doing – you are meditating; you are meditating on that one task, with absolute focused attention and there’s this feeling of being in a different plane. You are meditating every time you sleep deeply. So, you are already practicing certain forms of meditation in your life and are good at it. Hence saying that “meditation is not my cup of tea” doesn’t hold water (or tea).

Conclusion

There’s no aspect of your life that goes untouched by the benefits of meditation. As an emotional wellness coach and counsellor, I get to hear hundreds of mental health concerns from people on a regular basis. No matter what the complaints are, meditation almost always features in the list of ways in which people can overcome those issues and move towards short term and long mental wellness. So, when do you plan to start?

We hope this article helps you! If you want to begin your meditation practice, check out some interesting articles on Healthy Reads. To get more meditation tips from a certified expert, subscribe to personalized coaching here: https://goqiiapp.page.link/bsr

#BeTheForce

March 3, 2022 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

The Unexpected Cause Of Ageing And Stress

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and been surprised at the ever-increasing wrinkles or the swiftness with which the salt in your hair seems to be overtaking the pepper? Have you found yourself feeling tired at the end of a not so busy day? Found yourself hating the thought of Mondays and eagerly waiting for Saturdays every week? If you have, then you are not alone. There’s a huge percentage of population in their late 30s and 40s who feel stuck in their current jobs despite it seeming like they are living a successful life.

So you followed the life script of studying hard to get good scores, scrambling to get placed in the best of companies, chose your life partner carefully (or your family helped you with that), went on to have kids as per every one’s expectation and suddenly you are here with what looks like a happy family, decent lifestyle, a good designation at work, month on month salary, plus that void that you feel in your chest. That void is the only thing no one warned you about. Hence, not only are you at a stage in life where it feels like you are living someone else’s dreams but you experience pangs of guilt for feeling so deflated and dissatisfied.

Recently, while watching an interview of Dr. John Demartini, a world-renowned business consultant and author, the interviewer asked this wise 66 year old speaker for the secret to his youth and without blinking an eyelid he replied “I live in congruence with my highest values and that maintains my vitality at the peak levels”. It was a bulb on moment for me. This highly successful man who could easily pass off as a 40 year old, didn’t talk about his diet, his workout regimen or his skin care routine when asked about his youth. He spoke about his values and priorities instead! He said that he lives his life in congruence with his most important values and spends his time doing the things that he feels passionate about.

And the absence of that is the exact hidden cause of ageing and stress. When we are living life in a way that is in NOT in sync with what we value most, we are easily overcome with distraction, boredom and frustration. When we are doing things that don’t match our values, we are not playing our ‘A’ game and this leads us to second guessing our own motivations and capabilities. While confidence and enthusiasm evades us, we feel like fakes and suffer from the imposter syndrome. And is that surprising? No! If we are not doing the things we value most, we are being fake (though not deliberately) and trying to do things that doesn’t fit with who we truly are!

So, are you living a life of congruence? The gauge for whether you are or not is your level of satisfaction and enthusiasm in your day to day life. But, in case you are not living such a life of authenticity, don’t despair! Here are 5 questions you can ask yourself which will help you to get some clarity about what are those things that you value most and what your true priorities are.

Make sure that you give yourself an undistracted 30 minutes to read through and reflect on these questions because this could change the way you see yourself and your life ahead. Adapted from Dr. Demartini’s methodology, following are the five questions:

Look at your physical surroundings at home and observe the three things that you tend to surround yourself with. You have to choose three. Are they your work material? Or books on poetry? Or paintings that depict nature? Or is it clothes and accessories? Or maybe somethings to do with a particular sport? Or photographs of your loved ones?
What 3 things do you spend most of your time and energy on? Is it your workout regimen? Or music? Or reading about astrology? Or watching programs/videos on a certain topic? Or maybe it is socializing with friends? Or may be checking out recipes or cooking something new? Or is it solving people’s problems? Or on having the right look? Or it is financial planning?
What are the 3 things that you spend most amount of money on? Leaving aside the basic necessities of life that are needed for survival, what things do you end up spending your money on and feel excited every time you are about to buy it? There may be things that you may be spending money on reluctantly, those don’t count.
What are the top three things that you think most about? Whenever you are not focusing on an assigned task, where does your mind drift to? What does it spend a lot of time automatically focusing on and feeling energized about?
What are the areas in your life where you are most disciplined and organized? You may think of yourself as a disorganized and undisciplined, but there are areas where you are neither. It could be the way you organize your work files or the way you maintain your shoes and clothes or the way you plan your holidays or the way you organize meetings. You will have to think a little to identify these areas because they exist.

When you answer these questions, you will see certain areas/ aspects that show up repeatedly. While it is important that you answer these questions in one sitting, keep reading them and going through the questions and answers over a few days or weeks because the real responses will emerge over a period of time. The list you thus form, are your true priorities and the things that you value most. Consider deliberately thinking more about those areas and how you can live by those values and watch your life change for the better. So, what are you waiting for? Let’s get started!

We hope this article helps you. Do let us know your thoughts in the comments below! For more articles like this, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to sessions by our Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce