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Archives for August 2018

August 30, 2018 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Empowering Ourselves Against Hopelessness – II

Empowering Practices

What can we do to create an environment of growth and well-being? To build resilience within ourselves and others? To encourage connection and autonomy? Here are few things each of us can do depending upon the roles we play:

  • Invest in relationships

Most people in their 20s, 30s and even in their 40s are busy chasing material wealth along with all the material things that constitute the idea of success in our society. But as mentioned in Part I of this blog, human connection is at the heart of our happiness. To nurture these relationships, try and plan for time with your friends and family, listen deeply and use every opportunity to tell your loved ones how much you love them, not just because it will make them happy but also because it may remind people that they are not alone after all. You never know what magic your words and actions set off.

divya-image 1-part 2

  • Disconnect from social media

Spending a few hours on social media every now and then, every day, may seem like a harmless habit. But it is harmful in more ways than one. One of the more obvious effects of social media is that by its very nature it compels you to compare yourself with others, leaving most users feeling inadequate, isolated and unhappy. Secondly, social media aims to encourage the behaviour of seeking validation. Once you become dependent on external validation, it is almost impossible to experience any peace of mind or keep up your motivation to get through important tasks on your own. Thirdly the only way for social media companies to leverage these virtual platforms is by ensuring that people use it often and for longer periods of time – these platforms are designed to be addictive.

If you haven’t realised it already, then you would like to know that our capability to focus and pay unwavering attention to the tasks we do, is the single most important skill that allows us to grow and progress in our personal and professional life. Consequently, social media when used indiscreetly can strip us of this valuable ability to focus, learn and grow. Use it with care.

divya-image 2-part 2

  • Take care of your body

Body is the only home you have– Mind and body are connected and your body is designed to be used for tasks that activate the muscles. Today’s sedentary lifestyle is hazardous for your health. Imagine a fully powered sports car sitting in the garage. What would happen to it if it is never taken for a ride? It would rust, deteriorate and even become non-functional after a few years. We are no different. The mantra “use it or lose it” is quite apt when it comes to our physical fitness.

Get moving – do yoga, go for walks, hit the gym, play a sport, engage in domestic chores, join a trek, practice dance – do whatever it takes because those muscles and joints need the movement to keep you not just physically but also mentally fit. Besides strengthening the body, physical exercise also helps your brain release endorphins which makes your mind sharper, improves your memory and makes you feel good about yourself.

divyan-image3-part 2

  • Connect with yourself every day

Personal and professional responsibilities, big and small, leave most of us with precious little time for ourselves and whatever little time we do get, gets used up in checking messages, watching mindless TV, browsing the internet or surfing the social media sites. One of the reasons why a lot of us feel disconnected despite being so connected through technology is because we don’t etch out time for introspection – there’s no time to reflect on our daily experiences.

Just like each of us schedules time for personal hygiene, it is important that we make time for emotional and mental hygiene each day. It will not only help us to feel grounded but will also help us to learn and grow as the days come and go, rather than life passing us by in a blur. If possible maintain a notebook to jot down your thoughts about the important events of the day before going to bed or then just do a quick mental review, without getting drawn into over-analysis. Daily practices of mindfulness, even for 20 minutes a day, go a long way toward helping us sleep better and experience a sense of peace.

  • Explore your interests and strengths

Each of us has come into this world with our unique strengths, talents and skills and our most important duty in this lifetime is to use and hone those gifts productively because that’s the only way we can truly and authentically contribute to the world. Pay attention to the tasks that you find interesting and easy to do. These have to be things where you bring something into the world or something that helps your mind grow. Playing video games and watching Television doesn’t count!

Whatever activity it may be, it doesn’t matter whether others consider it valuable or not. These may include doodling, dancing, writing poetry, making origami, acting, compiling letters, writing articles, sketching, painting, growing mushrooms, training or grooming pets or a million other things that you can choose from. Whatever it is, just spend some time doing it and getting better at it every day; if not every day then every other day. Once again, if you don’t schedule time, you will never find the time. Spending even 10 minutes every day in your area of interest/strength is better than waiting for the day when you have 2 hours to spare for that activity. With this simple change, you will find yourself blossoming in ways you didn’t imagine possible!

  • Set goals

“Dreams don’t come true, goals do”

We could keep dreaming about a better life and not a thing would change unless we get up and take action. Goals do just that, they push you into action; they remind you about things that are important to you, they awaken you to the reality of time slipping through your fingers. How many times have you thought that you want to learn something only to realise that even 5 years down the line you haven’t taken any initiative towards the learning? Or you said you want to be a morning person and find yourself waking up after 8 am day after day? Just wishing that your circumstances would change will not cut it. Our mind requires a timeline, clarity, measurability and a constant reminder. Set goals for anything that’s important to you, be it relationships, art, work, interest or a lifestyle. And make sure that these goals are YOURS and not set because others think it is important for you. When there is a purpose to your day, you will see yourself get more effective, efficient and happier.

divya-image 4-part 2

  • Learn to say “no”

I recently had a client who was unhappy because he just could not walk up to people and say what was on his mind. He would keep worrying that he would be taking up their valuable against their will. After some more discussion, it became apparent that the root cause of this challenge was that he himself would never turn away people who made excessive demands on his time.

Innumerable people who feel taken for granted or unvalued do so because they inadvertently end up making themselves available for every small need that others have. Partly our culture may be to blame for this ingrained habit of putting others’ needs ahead of ours. This is not to say that you should selfishly cater only to your own needs, but just like you take care to respect others’ time and needs, you must practice respect for your own needs and time.

Once the consciousness sets in that you always have the option of saying “no” to a request, it will become easier to practice it. Start with smaller requests and before you agree to anything check with yourself if you are also being considerate to yourself. Setting boundaries without a doubt is a significant way in which we can improve our sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

We all aspire to live happy meaningful lives and do not consciously choose to be miserable. At the same time, difficulties and disappointments are an integral part of life. Ending one’s life is not just a random decision people arrive at, rather it is a desperate act resulting from acknowledged and unacknowledged fears, anxieties, disappointments and a hoard of other emotions that may feel overwhelming.

People need to be empowered to understand the fundamentals of living a meaningful life and be equipped to deal with their internal turmoil. It is important to watch out for any signs of abnormal behaviour in our loved ones and let them know that we are available in case they need to speak or just need company. Some empathy, thoughtfulness and gentle care go a long way in bringing people back from the clutches of isolation. Despite that, if someone feels trapped then they should be able to reach out for help from a professional counsellor or psychologist and we must encourage our loved ones to seek help when required.

Like they say ‘charity begins at home’ and hence each of us first needs to focus on living a healthy life ourselves because the important people in our lives are watching and learning from us. We are far more influential than we think, let us infect others with our empowering ways!

 

 

 

 

 

August 29, 2018 By Divya Thampi 2 Comments

Empowering Ourselves Against Hopelessness – I

What makes life meaningful?

Divya blog image 1-part 1

News about a school child who just called it quits or a financially troubled couple who decided to give it all up or then a 70-year old who reached the dismal decision to end her life seems to be commonplace these days. It doesn’t surprise us anymore to know that yet another person has resorted to suicide. The ever-increasing number of deaths due to suicide is not just alarming and confounding but also calls for immediate action from individuals, families, organisations and societies at large because it is starting to look like we as a society has lost our moorings.

So what drives people to the brink of such hopelessness? Why do people conclude that only death can save them from their misery? The reasons expressed by the people, before they take this step, are hugely varied; from not scoring high enough marks to feeling like a misfit, to being overcome by a general sense of meaninglessness, the reasons are many. But is there something more fundamental we may be missing? Let’s delve a little deeper…

We know for sure that anyone who decides to end their lives has to be deeply unhappy. Instead of looking at all the reasons why a person may be unhappy, let’s start by looking at what makes people happy. Here, by using the term “happiness” I am not referring to momentary feelings of pleasure but to a sustained sense of well-being despite the challenges that life throws at you.

There are 3 significant contributors to our overall sense of wellbeing and to our feeling of engagement in life. In his book “Drive”, the well-known author Daniel Pink talks about three factors which have a significant impact on an individual’s intrinsic motivation. They are:

  1. Autonomy
  2. Purpose and
  3. Mastery

Divya-Image 2-Part 1

  1. Autonomy – This refers to the freedom to live life on one’s own terms. It is having the ability to make choices as per one’s will (Whether this choice is real or imagined is irrelevant). To understand “Autonomy” better, let’s look at some examples. Autonomy is about the freedom to make significant life choices like what job to take up, whom to marry, where to reside, where to invest one’s money, but it is not limited to these choices. Enjoying the liberty to take day to day and moment to moment decisions like what to wear, what to have for breakfast, whether to exercise or not, how to spend our leisure time etc., goes a long way in establishing our sense of autonomy. The need for autonomy is hardwired in humans and whenever we feel forced to do something against our will, we feel oppressed. This sense of coercion that makes us unhappy may be external or even internal. For instance, when we do things out of a sense of guilt, that feels like a lack of autonomy too and lack of autonomy is one of the most important factors leading to dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Life, of course, doesn’t allow us to live a completely autonomous life because each of us is part of a larger community and compromises are an integral part of community living. However, when we feel that we are largely in charge of our lives, it gives us a sense of satisfaction and happiness, while the lack of it leaves us feeling deeply dissatisfied.
  1. Purpose – When we have a purpose in life we have something to believe in and work towards, which is larger and more important than ourselves. Purpose drives us to persist even in the face of what may seem like an insurmountable challenge and keeps us grounded. When our sense of purpose is strong we often willingly surrender our autonomy and do things we do not enjoy, to progress towards that purpose. Parents may be willing to keep their preferences aside to help move towards their own purpose of helping their child have a better life or an actor may sacrifice opportunities to make money, so as to work towards her purpose of doing great work.

divya-image 3-part 1

  1. Mastery – Mastery is the desire to improve. When we work towards improving a skill through learning and practising, we are working towards mastery. Mastery again requires us to be committed, to overcome obstacles, to practice perseverance and consciously correct our course and practice a skill. For an athlete who is working towards becoming a better runner, her daily improvement gives her a higher sense of fulfilment that does the appreciation and recognition from others. Mastery in itself motivates people to do well and as the mastery in any area of one’s life goes up, it has a knock-on effect on the other parts of their lives and raises their self-esteem. It goes without saying that self-esteem is at the heart of a meaningful and well-lived life.

There’s a fourth aspect which is critical to our happiness, especially when we live as part of a community and that is the connection we have with others.

  1. Relationship with others – A 75 year-long Harvard study on Human happiness, that involved studying the lives of 724 men from the time they were in their early teens up until the time that they reached the ripe old age of 80s and 90s, threw up a very interesting statistic, with regards to happiness. The study established that the single most important factor when it comes to happiness and health is the relationships in our lives. The study found that people who were more socially connected to friends, family and community were happier, physically healthier and lived longer. So, it is not about how many friends you have or whether you are in a committed relationship but about the quality of the close relationships in your life.

As you can see, all these four factors namely Autonomy, Purpose, Mastery and Relationships are interconnected and each has a significant role in contributing to our overall sense of balance and well-being. The absence of any of these factors may foster feelings of oppression, aimlessness, disconnection or a sense of inadequacy or then a combination of all/some of these. These missing pieces leave people feeling like rudderless boats and drive one to take extreme steps to end the feeling of desolation.

(But there is hope and we talk about the steps we can take to live more meaningful lives in Part II of this blog.)

 

August 25, 2018 By Anusha Subramanian 3 Comments

A Tale Of Self Belief and Determination

Weight loss is often a mental challenge rather than a physical one. If you can focus and not drift away from your goals, more than half of your work is done. This is Tanay Rawat’s story on how he did it?

BEFORE?AFTER

BEFORE?AFTER

Tanay Kumar Rawat’s goal was to achieve a normal BMI index, which required him to reduce his weight significantly. Also suffering from ENT disorders and constipation, breaking the mental barricade and gaining self-confidence was the first step Tanay adapted, towards his road to success.

“My primary health goal was to reduce my weight and achieve a normal BMI index, being subjected to ENT disorders and constipation didn’t make this task easier for me. The hardest part was to gain a sense of belief in myself and from there it was a less bumpy ride.

My coach Manmeet ma’am had planned a diet for me which required me to consume fewer carbs, fried food, and other junk items. Green salads, seasonal fruits, and a few chapatis became a regular in my everyday diet. It was also required that I walk for 20 minutes, a few minutes past my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Other exercises in the regime included brisk walking of 45 minutes and some full body exercises.

Initially, walking for upto 20 minutes post dinner, I gradually brought the scale upto 1 hour per day. My diet was strictly supervised and controlled with minimum oil and fried food consumption. I reduced the intake of chapati’s ( flat bread) from 4 chapattis (flat bread) to 2 and mostly consumed only Vegetables, Dal or Milk as dinner. I also added salad’s and fruits into my diet and consumed them almost every day.”

Before joining GoQii, fried samosas and pakodas were a major part of Tanay’s, everyday diet. As far as walking and exercising were concerned, let’s just say his body received very minimal activity, leading to weight gain and other disorders. But those days are far behind him, integrating brisk walking and a healthy diet into his everyday life, Tanay has adapted a more disciplined way of life. When we asked him to comment on his achievement, this is what he had to say, “I have been able to reduce about 25kgs within 200 days of my new regime and I’m very proud of my achievement.”

Like every other individual out there, Tanay possessed the power to reshape his life and knew only he alone could better the quality of his life. This is a tale of self-belief and determination, which enabled Tanay to break free from his emotional bulwarks and make a difference.

Here is what Manmeet Kour’s has to say about Tanay Kumar Rawat

“At 41 years of age, reducing 25 kgs looked like a herculean task. Tanay’s determination was what inspired me to help him throughout. We started off by increasing his fiber intake, in the form of fruits and salads. Cinnamon water, flax seeds, and other healthy snacks were also introduced to Tanay’s diet. Brisk walking for 30-45 minutes every day was now a daily routine in his life. To improve Tanay’s sleep quality he was asked to consume nuts and drink a glass of milk before going to bed. The result was marvelous, Tanay burned 25kgs and reduced 2 inches from his waist and hips each. His stamina and immunity considerably increased and also felt very relieved of his ENT problem.”

Tanay is very active, determined, focused, and dedicated to his goal. He clocks more than 16 k steps daily, do yoga and meditation, consumes 3.5 liters of water daily and covers the distance of 12.5 km on an average day. His main area of concern was his weight, belly inches, and the stress. As a dedicated player, he started the walking and yoga right from the day-1 and never skipped a single day except for the traveling days. His food, steps, water log etc. everything is up to date never ever skipped even a single day without syncing the band. Each day’s food log right from the day it was told since August -17 is uploaded with the pics. Now he knows to controls portion and knows to compensate if he indulges once in a while. He joined with 103 kg and now he is 78 kgs. Initially, his diet was very low in proteins.

I tried to focus on his diet and also suggested him exercise to strengthen his core. I counseled him on choosing the healthy foods from the available choices. Als,o his dinner was made to be more on complex carbs and protein rich.As a coach, I am really glad to see his progress.

August 22, 2018 By Payal Choudhury Leave a Comment

“Binge Eating”- Its effects on our health

how-to-stop-binge-eating

Nothing Feels as “Good as being healthy!!!”.

We all overeat from time to time—taking an extra helping at an ‘Anniversary or Birthday’ dinner or having dessert when you’re already full. But, for binge eaters, overeating is regular and uncontrollable. We use food to cope with stress and other negative emotions, soon after a while we feel worse for overeating. With the right help and support, one can learn to control their eating and develop a healthy relationship with food.

Eating disorders are associated with a wide range of adverse psychological, physical, and social consequences. A person with an eating disorder may start out just eating smaller or larger amounts of food, but at some point, their urge to eat less or more spirals out of control. Severe distress or concern about body weight or shape, or extreme efforts to manage weight or food intake, also characterizes an eating disorder.

Binge eating disorder (BED) is an eating disorder characterized by binge eating without subsequent purging episodes.

One of the most common reasons for binge eating is an attempt to manage unpleasant emotions such as stress, depression, loneliness, fear, and anxiety. When you have a bad day, it can seem like food is your only friend. Binge eating can temporarily make feelings such as stress, sadness; anxiety, depression, and boredom evaporate into thin air. But, the relief is only very fleeting.

Binge Eating Disorder can be physical, psychological and behavioural. It is possible for someone with Binge Eating Disorder to display a combination of these symptoms.

Physical signs:

  • Feeling tired and not sleeping well

Psychological Signs:

  • Pre-occupation with eating, food, body shape and weight
  • Depression, anxiety or irritability

Behavioural Signs:

  • Increased isolation and withdrawal from activities previously enjoyed
  • Self harm, substance abuse or suicide attempts

Here are the four reasons why we binge?

  1. We skip meals or restrict our calories.
  2. We deprive ourselves of what we really want to eat.
  3. We eat mindlessly to avoid situations.
  4. We turn to food when strong emotions and uncomfortable feelings arise.

Binge eating disorder is characterized by compulsive eating in which people consume huge amounts of food while feeling out of control and powerless to stop. The symptoms of binge eating disorder usually begin in late adolescence or early adulthood, often after a major diet.

Binge eating disorder, as the name implies, is characterized by uncontrollable, excessive eating, followed by feelings of shame and guilt. Unlike those with bulimia, teenagers with binge-eating disorder typically do not purge their food. However, many teenagers who have bulimia also have binge-eating disorder.

Teenagers with binge-eating disorder typically are overweight or obese and most victimized. Teenagers feel like they have no control over their behaviour, and eat in secret and when they are not hungry. Teenagers may hide food. Excessive amounts of food containers and wrappers are also evidence of binging. There are some other signs like

  • Eating in secret
  • “Grazing” continuously without feeling satiated
  • Eating when stressed or when feeling uncertain how to cope
  • Feeling unable to control how much they eat
  • Experimenting with different diets.

Binge eating disorder can be successfully treated in therapy. These therapies helps in teaching us how to fight the compulsion to binge, exchange unhealthy habits for newer healthy ones , monitor our eating and moods, and develop effective stress-busting skills.

Breaking the old pattern of binge eating is hard. This is where the support of others can really come in handy. Family, friends, and therapists can all be part of the support team. We may also find that joining a group for binge eaters is helpful. Sharing one’s experience with other compulsive eaters can go a long way towards reducing the stigma and loneliness one feels.

Binge eating may be comforting for a brief moment, but then reality sets back in, along with regret and self-loathing. Binge eating often leads to weight gain and obesity, which only reinforces compulsive eating. It becomes a vicious cycle: eating to feel better, feeling even worse, and then turning back to food for relief.

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