Men often ask me, how much sex should we be having? Can there be a number answer to it? Like thrice a week, once a week, and so on. Sex works for different people in different ways. It’s the classic chicken and egg dilemma. What comes first – happiness or frequent sex? For some people, frequent sex is what makes them happier in the relationship, whereas for others, happiness and the connection is a precondition to feeling desirous of having sex.
It’s Not An Easy Situation.
I know how painful it can be to steer through, how often to have sex. Getting turned down for it, or having to turn your partner down, is hard for couples even in a stable relationship. When the relationship is fragile due to fighting or communication problems, it can be even more problematic.
Throwing out an overly simplistic rule like “have sex thrice a week” doesn’t help matters much. There are three main reasons why I don’t support this thrice-a-week standard:
I’ve seen the stifling effects that these kind of rules and instructions can have on couples. We get bombarded by so many advices about what we’re “supposed” to do when it comes to sex (“be sexy but not too much for her”, “wait for him to initiate”, “try this position, this toy, this technique”, etc). Throwing another arbitrary rule on the table only makes the couple feel more anxiety. It means indirectly that they’re not “normal” or not measuring up and this can cripple the overall morale of the couple.
This general advice overlooks the individual reasons the couple is struggling with their sex life in the first place. The couple may have a power struggle or relationship issues that is manifesting in their bedroom. One partner might be going through biological changes that are affecting their arousal levels. The sex that they’re having may be so unpleasant/monotonous that one partner starts withdrawing. Someone might be carrying scars of past sexual abuse. The possibilities are endless, and each couple needs individualized attention rather than canned one-size-fits-all advice.
I firmly believe that the process of negotiating a sexual relationship that feels authentic, flexible, and connected is one of the most enriching experiences a couple can go through. The opportunities for personal and relational growth are immense.
So there’s no set-in-stone rule for how often couples should have sex. What’s much more important than forcing yourself to sleep together an arbitrary number of times is to find ways to talk about and work on your sex life together.
We hope this article helps you! For more on sexual wellness, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by our sexual wellness expert Pallavi Barnwal on GOQii Play.
#BeTheForce
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and been surprised at the ever-increasing wrinkles or the swiftness with which the salt in your hair seems to be overtaking the pepper? Have you found yourself feeling tired at the end of a not so busy day? Found yourself hating the thought of Mondays and eagerly waiting for Saturdays every week? If you have, then you are not alone. There’s a huge percentage of population in their late 30s and 40s who feel stuck in their current jobs despite it seeming like they are living a successful life.
And the absence of that is the exact hidden cause of ageing and stress. When we are living life in a way that is in NOT in sync with what we value most, we are easily overcome with distraction, boredom and frustration. When we are doing things that don’t match our values, we are not playing our ‘A’ game and this leads us to second guessing our own motivations and capabilities. While confidence and enthusiasm evades us, we feel like fakes and suffer from the imposter syndrome. And is that surprising? No! If we are not doing the things we value most, we are being fake (though not deliberately) and trying to do things that doesn’t fit with who we truly are!
Make sure that you give yourself an undistracted 30 minutes to read through and reflect on these questions because this could change the way you see yourself and your life ahead. Adapted from Dr. Demartini’s methodology, following are the five questions:
They say real beauty comes from within. Well, people may have different perspectives over this quote but in the opinion of a Nutritionist, what food you put inside your body, is what reflects on your skin! Ageing is a normal physiological phenomenon which starts from the inside out. This makes it imperative to take care of your diet to prevent the effects of ageing. With advancing age, the proteins and pigments of our skin start to deteriorate. However, with a healthy lifestyle and good nutrition, in the absence of disease, one can still manage to have a plump skin. Just like our emotional troubles can be seen on the face by the way of our expressions, the internal troubles of our body show up on the skin. If you feed your body with the right kind of food, it radiates right on the skin. Let’s look at some foods to get that younger looking skin you’ve always wanted! 
