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5 Steps To Cure The “What Will People Think” Syndrome

what will people thinkYou watch an invigorating dance performance on YouTube and feel your heart race and blood sing in your veins. Your love for dance has once again been roused. The image of you enthralling an auditorium full of people with your outstanding dance performance flashes through your mind – A dream you had nursed throughout your teens and 20’s. You close the door to your room, put on some music with fast beats and dance energetically in the safety of your room. You almost make up your mind that you are going to enroll for a dance class and perform to an audience sometime soon. But as the night passes and the new day breaks, you remind yourself that you have to be “practical”…

You consider yourself overweight. You are convinced that your family, friends and even strangers would laugh at you. You imagine the looks of ridicule on their faces when they get to know about your dream to dance. The decision is easy – “People see me as a responsible father, husband and professional. What would they think if they found out that I was training for dance and planning to perform in public?” And another dream is sacrificed at the altar of “What will people think”.

In my work with people, I have lost count of the number of times I have heard them say that they suppressed their needs & desires or gave up on their dreams, wishes, and hopes for a better life, because they were worried about what people would think. These wishes and dreams varied from wanting to cut their hair short or allowing themselves a weekend trip, to dreaming of starting an enterprise or wanting to walk away from an abusive relationship. I strongly suspect  that “What will people think” syndrome is the single biggest killer of hopes, possibilities and dreams. what will people think syndrome

What’s Behind The Fear?

If you have had this syndrome or still do, it just shows that you are human. This is driven by our evolutionary history. Thousands of years ago when humans were hunters and gatherers, avoiding disapproval from others was important for our survival. And of course we have been further conditioned by our families and schools to see others’ approval as the gauge of our worthiness. But then how does one overcome this fear?

Some Ways To Beat The “What Will People Think Syndrome”

1. Remember, people really don’t think or care that much about you
We humans are too busy obsessing about our own lives and spend very little time thinking about others. Even when we do think about others, it is in the context of how that impacts “me”, otherwise those thoughts are momentary. If you are not convinced, consider this – how much time of your day do you spend thinking about others’ (people who you are not close to) choices about their lives, particularly what may be deemed as stupid or poor choices? 5 hours? 2 hours? Half an hour? 2 minutes? 30 seconds? I am guessing it is more like the last figure. See what I mean? And here you are trying to conform to what you assume is others’ expectation of you, just so that for those few flashing moments people may approve of you (in your imagination). When you conform to imaginary rules so as to not attract disapproval, the only thing you manage to do is live a life of insignificance and make yourself invisible. On the other hand living by your own priorities and needs makes life more meaningful and engaging.

2. Stop judging and gossiping
We have a tendency to second guess other people’s reaction based on our own. Hence if you are in the habit of making judgmental, insensitive comments about others and are easily given to reveling in juicy pieces of gossip, it’s only natural for you to worry about others’ judging you the same way. So when you make it a practice to think compassionately about others, your worry about others’ judgment also diminishes.

3. Be accepting and kind to yourself
The people who fear judgment the most are the ones who judge THEMSELVES very harshly. When you are disapproving of yourself, then it is only natural for your mind to look for approval from others. That’s the only way to survive. I recently heard a well known actress admit during an interview that she used to constantly worry about her acne and imagined that when people spoke to her they only saw her acne. And she then went on to do her first movie while the acne still existed and she was amazed at how no one seemed to care about her acne. When we judge ourselves harshly we are constantly looking for cues for others’ disapproval and find it even where there is none. So spare yourself the torture by being kind and accepting of yourself.

4. Protect your dreams from harm
Many times it is our very own families and loved ones that plant the fear about other people’s opinions. They are just projecting their own insecurities on to you. Hence when you have ideas that you want to try out and suspect that your immediate family may not be thrilled about the idea, don’t share it with them till you have a clearer plan about how you want to take it forward. But do share it with one or two people who you know would support and encourage you. Your dream is like a seed. Once planted you need to water and nurture it and protect it from weeds and pests. Once the sapling grows into a strong plant and then a tree, it can withstand the strong sun and the storms. Same applies to your ideas and dreams.

5. Feel the fear and do it anyway
Rather than trying to avoid fear altogether, focus on taking action even when you feel worried or scared about other people’s reactions. Two things happen. One, you will realise that your anticipation of how others would react is either unfounded or exaggerated. Secondly you will feel more confident about the direction you want to move in, once you take the first few steps, rather than feeling confused and stuck.

Conclusion

You owe it to yourself to give yourself a chance and live a life that is genuinely joyful and meaningful. Your values and desires exist for a reason. Get out there and experiment with life, allow yourself to perspire, attract some unfavourable attention, fail a few times, laugh at yourself, get your hands dirty, stain your clothes; use up all those ideas, talents and gifts that you came to this earth with, because the best gift you can give this world is to be truly yourself!

We hope this article helps you overcome the “What will people think” syndrome. Do let us know your thoughts in the comments below. For more from our Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her LIVE sessions on GOQii Play. Subscribe now! 

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Benefits of Minimalism You Need to Explore to be Happy!

minimalismIn my last article, we saw what minimalism is and how to begin the process. Moving further, let’s see how minimalism can add quality to your life and health!

Benefits of Minimalism

  1. Less Anxiety and Stress: There is a direct correlation between material possessions and the amount of stress that a person experiences. When you own less, you worry less about losing it or keeping it organized. More so, a clean and tidy home keeps you at peace.
  2. More Happiness: It’s never wise to rely on things for happiness! More so, giving away things you don’t need will make you feel more satisfied and happy instead of hoarding them with no purpose! It’s awesome to know how little we need to be happy.
  3. More Time: When you don’t spend time organizing your stuff or buying new items, you get more time to do things that really matter. You also get more time to exercise, explore your hobbies or spend time with friends and family.
  4. More Energy: Minimalism definitely saves a lot of your energy. That’s because you don’t need to exhaust yourself while taking care of too many things! You have to make fewer decisions while shopping, which prevents mental fatigue. When you shop and clean less, you are more focused on things you want to do. You live with a better purpose!
  5. Increased Fitness: When your mindset shifts to minimalism, you prefer going for eco-friendly options. For instance, walking instead of taking your vehicle or even cycling! Fewer household gadgets mean that most of your work like washing clothes, cleaning the house, etc. will be manual which will definitely help you burn more calories!
  6. Better Diet: When you choose quality over quantity, you avoid the bulk storage of food and grocery. You will eat fresh and even avoid storing junk and processed food at home. Eating clean and fresh home-cooked food is way more nutritious and healthy!
  7. Environment-Friendly Lifestyle: Getting rid of unwanted things doesn’t mean increasing waste. Think about how you can repurpose used items into something functional. When you feel there is no more use of the item, you can donate or resell it. It promotes the reuse of goods and creates less waste.
  8. Saves Money: This is the reason many people get attracted to minimalism. When you spend on only what you need, you end up saving a lot of money and who doesn’t want to do that?
  9. Getting over Materialism: You’re confident without an expensive car or fancy clothes. You understand you don’t need to own something because someone else has it. You get less attached to things because you don’t rely on things to be happy.

In Minimalism, you start spending on experiences rather than stuff. For instance, instead of gifting something material to your kids on their birthday, you can maybe plan a camping, hiking or rafting trip which will add more experience and perspective to their lives!

In short, Minimalism is more of a mindset than a lifestyle, it is empowering. There is no rule of how many things you own, it is about your mindset. You can explore more of your own benefits in your journey.

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health

mental healthIn 2020, we released a study that revealed how 43% Indians are plagued with depression. But surprisingly, even in large metros like Mumbai, awareness of mental health is low, stigma is high and discrimination against people with mental health concerns is a harsh reality. The very recommendation that one should see a therapist or a mental health professional is received with distaste at best and anger at worst.

What is Mental Health?

The world over ‘Mental Health’ week is being observed but do we understand ‘Mental Health’?  It is important that we first understand what “Mental Health” means. It does not just refer to the absence of illness, rather it denotes a state of mind that allows people to believe in their abilities, work productively, cope effectively with day to day stressors, reach out for help when feeling overwhelmed, relate to others, and to work towards their highest potential.

While the mental health condition of a person is established by the individual’s ability to manage his/her thoughts, feelings, actions and interactions with others, mental illnesses and disorders are  often caused by a combination of factors including social discrimination, lack of protective policies, poor working conditions, poverty, lack of education, below average living standards, abuse (verbal, physical and sexual) and absence of familial or/and social support systems. It is true that certain genetics and specific personality attributes can make people more vulnerable to mental health issues, however contrary to popular belief, these are neither the only nor the most significant contributors to mental illnesses or disorders.

According to a survey conducted nationally, in 2018, on the attitudes towards people affected by mental health concerns, the top three attitudes prevalent in India were found to be the following:

  1. People with mental illness should not be given any responsibility
  2. One of the main causes of mental illness is a lack of self-discipline and will-power
  3. Mentally unhealthy people should have their own groups – healthy people need not be contaminated by them.

If one is diagnosed with cancer or with Malaria, would we ask them to get their act together and get better or expect them to use will-power to cure themselves? In terms of its prevalence and the number of people impacted by it, mental health issues are no different to physical health concerns and they need to be addressed with the same care and concern that is adapted to tackle a physical ailment, rather than with disdain and scorn.

With the existing attitudes, it comes as no surprise that the affected people, as well as the families, refrain from talking about their concerns or seeking the support they need due to the fear of being judged or labelled. But there are changes each of us can make that will help in creating an environment that promotes positive mental health.

Here are four steps you could take to do your bit in reducing social stigma attached to mental health concerns:

1. Educate Yourself About Mental Illnesses

General beliefs that people with mental illness are dangerous or are violent are myths which have unfortunately been propagated by movies. Often people with mental illnesses are victims of violence and abuse themselves. Question every stereotype and treat people with respect, irrespective of their diagnoses.

2. Stop Using Labels

Often people say things like ‘she is depressed’ or ‘he is schizophrenic’. The mental illness that someone deals with, is just one aspect of their lives and not their identity. Hence use language that separates the person from the health issue. For example, we could say “she deals with depression” or  “he’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia”. Use language that’s respectful and sensitive.

3. Support People

Remember that people who deal with mental health issues make important contributions to the world. Did you know that Mr. Kjell Magne Bondevik, the ex-Prime Minister of Norway had suffered from a depressive episode in August 1998 while he was still in power? He took some time out to recover and continued as PM till March 2000. Do not judge people to be incompetent or dismiss their capabilities based on a mental health condition they may be suffering from. Treat people with dignity, just like you would like to be treated yourself, had you been in their position. Encourage the actions that your own family members and friends take to overcome mental illness, support their efforts to get well and lead productive lives.

4. Encourage & Initiate Open Discussions

If you yourself have dealt with or are dealing with mental health issues, talk about it. Your courage will help in creating awareness and empower many others. If it is a family member or friend who is dealing with it, talk openly regarding the illness with their permission and in doing so, you will take away the shame attached to it.

The first Director-General of the World Health Organization (WHO), Dr. Brock Chisholm, in 1954, had quite aptly declared that “without mental health, there can be no true physical health.” On this very important day, let’s pledge to do our bit by becoming advocates to reducing the stigma surrounding mental health concerns and promote a world of inclusion and sensitivity.

For more on Mental Health, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi’s classes on GOQii Play.

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Add Magic To Your Life With This Simple Technique

Positive Affirmations

More than often, we get disheartened if we are not able to achieve our goal well on time or if we face obstacles in achieving it. It’s not just related to our health journey but the journey of life as well. We face so many challenges on a daily basis. While some face them bravely by being positive and firm, others get discouraged or depressed for not being able to face failures. The way we deal with issues is different for each individual and that is okay!

Life is not about going through it passively, it’s about living it actively. Yes! Living life to the fullest. Joy comes from facing challenges head on, setting goals and giving it a 100% to achieve them with full zeal and spirit.

But how can we do it? That’s the big question with a very simple solution.

VISUALIZE
Yes, we need to understand that visualization is powerful enough to solve any problems that we face. Many of us don’t even realize that this power lies within us, all we need to do is use it.

We know that our body and mind are connected and our emotions are linked with our actions, right? For instance, if we are sad/depressed due to any reason, it reflects in our behavior. If we get irritated or angry/frustrated, the turmoil of emotions affects our health negatively.

HOW CAN WE WORK ON IT?
It’s simple! Just concentrate on your thoughts. What kind of thoughts are wandering in your mind? These thoughts have an impact on your feelings, emotions and actions. Trust me, if we are aware of the thoughts creeping in our mind, we have the power to change that thought, at that very moment. Don’t let the bad or negative thoughts enter your mind or affect you. There are thousands of thoughts in our mind. So, how many of them are we going to stick to or store, so that they can bother us? Make sure its none of the negative ones.

Hence, VISUALIZE, BE AWARE, KEEP NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AT BAY, GO EASY AND CHANGE YOUR THOUGHT TO A POSITIVE ONE!

  • Just close your eyes and visualize. For instance, if someone has a health goal of losing weight, but due to some reason, the player is not able to achieve it or is not getting the desired result in the stipulated time, the player might have some negative thoughts. The player may feel that ‘this goal cannot be achieved’ or ‘I can’t do it’. At this very moment, the player can stop this negative thought from entering his/her mind and instead visualize the positive, coming out of any fear that affects his/her mind.
  • Wake up every day with a positive mind and visualize. Visualize the day, how you are going to achieve your goal, what’s your target for the day and strive to fulfill that.
  • Never give up! It’s okay if you can’t achieve your target today, try again tomorrow.
  • If losing weight is the target, visualize that the habit, diet or exercise regime you are following is working for you and getting you closer to your goal. If any medical condition, then envisage that the treatment or the medication is working for you and improving your health.

Hence, it’s not only the physical aspect that we need to work on but the mind as well. Detoxifying our mind is equally important as detoxifying our body.

MAKE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

  • This has to be done every single day – Morning and night. Morning, you make an affirmation and visualize how you’re going to work on it. At night, introspect on how it all went and how the day was, just for a few minutes.
  • As soon as you wake up, make an affirmation with closed eyes. Spend a few minutes with yourself every morning and night.
  • Set it for a shorter duration or you can even set it for a week so that you can stick to it. Affirmations could be as simple as, “I will follow all my habits today”, or “I will be active today”, or “I will not get angry today”.
  • The key is to be committed and dedicated.

Once you start this process, you will see how your life changes positively. So go ahead and make one right now!

We hope you found this article insightful. Please share your thoughts in the comments below. For further guidance on holistic well-being, explore Healthy Reads, or speak to a GOQii Coach by subscribing for Personalised Health Coaching here.

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