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January 8, 2021 By Pallavi Barnwal 2 Comments

The Single-Most Effective Sex Tip I Have Ever Given

effective sex tipDo you know the single-most effective sex tip that I’ve ever given?

Touch More! 

Most of us consider touch to be a part of foreplay that leads to sex, but I am talking about touch just for the sake of touching. Yes, this kind of touch has the power to transform your sex life like never before.

You might think of touch as simply a skin to skin touch but it goes much beyond that. Touch is a central way that we share emotions with others. As a child, we felt safe in the nurturing, protective arms of our parents. As infants and little kids, we were held in a soft embrace or we will sit on the lap of our mother to receive that joy of nurturing. But as we grow up, the very same nurturing touch becomes sexualized.

But even as grown-up adults, we need this kind of nurturing yet non-sexual touch. It is where we go wrong in our intimate relationships, in our long term sex lives by linking touch only to sex. Intimate love relationships often fail because of the lack of this kind of touch. And to restart your sex life, you need to bring back this ‘touch’.

There are so many different kinds of touch: hugs, caresses, massages, cuddles, embraces, tickles, strokes and so on. And so many different places you could touch: hair, hands, feet, toes, fingers, belly, neck, backs, faces, shoulders, arms, legs, and more (remember to avoid touching the breasts or genitals because the purpose of this touch is not to be sexual but to enjoy the pleasurable feelings). And there are so many different messages you can convey with your touch: love, relaxation, seduction, sympathy, playfulness, desire, and so on.

Here’s why a touch is an effective sex tip that can help you put your sex life back in action after a long pause:

Reason #1 – Touch is exciting!

First things first, the touch itself can feel amazing! Do you remember that first kiss you had? Do you remember the thrill of that skin-to-skin contact? Just a simple touch could light you on fire. Even when that initial thrill wears off, many touch techniques can feel even sexier and more pleasurable than sex techniques. There are so many ways to experiment with touch in the bedroom. You could spend an entire month spicing things up without even having sex!

Reason #2 – Touch is less intimidating

You’ve might be knowing about countless books and sessions on “try new things in the bedroom”. But like most people, you never follow through on that advice because it feels intimidating! Sex feels like a chore, a task when the emotional connection wears off and life hits monotony. In this situation, it’s vulnerable and deeply uncomfortable to put yourself out there and do anything new in the bedroom. But trying new techniques for touch can feel a lot less intimidating than trying new techniques for sex. Touch is an easy thing to be good at. You feel less pressure and less perfectionism when experimenting with simple yet rich and profound touch.

Reason #3 – Touch increases your desire

If you want to try new things in the bedroom, you both have to feel the desire to be intimate in the first place! Some people have Responsive sex drives, which means they don’t feel the mental desire to have sex until they get physically aroused. If you ask a person with a Responsive sex drive type, “do you want to have sex?”, they will mostly say “no”, because for them their mental desire does not precede their physical desire. But if you start cuddling, touching, and kissing, their desire will naturally emerge, and they’ll want to keep going. Touch opens up the door to sexual possibilities.

If you want to bring more touch into your relationship, here’s one easy way to do it: for the next week, try to dedicate 10 minutes a day to spend together privately, in your bedroom, just holding each other, touching, and kissing. Don’t think of this time as “foreplay”. The idea is to enjoy physical contact simply for the sake of physical contact without any added pressure of going into intercourse.

This sex tip may sound simple, but the truth is that most relationships are so touch-starved that just this one exercise has the power to make a big impact on your sex life.

We hope this sex tip helps you improve your sex life. For more on sexual wellness, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by our sexual wellness expert Pallavi Barnwal on GOQii Play. You can also connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pallavibarnwalcoach

#BeTheForce 

Disclaimer: Reader discretion is advised. This content is for an older, mature audience who seek to improve their health and wellness. GOQii is not responsible for any misrepresentation of this information.

December 11, 2020 By Pallavi Barnwal Leave a Comment

Understanding Your Partner’s Low Sex Drive

low sex driveAs a woman indoctrinated in the Indian culture, for a long time I believed that a woman should not initiate sex. It’s a man’s job. I believed that women should be pursued both inside and outside the bedroom. Women in my home observed purdah in front of their men and were always fully clothed. I ended up carrying this belief right since my childhood, through my adulthood even after studying from an illustrious college and working for several years thereafter. In my relationships, I would wait for the man to initiate, to undress, and to penetrate. Once in college, my boyfriend asked me to ride him and I was terrified. How can I be in power?

Though my sex personality is submissive, by choice and also my general easy-going nature, I like to initiate things and let him take over. Alfred Kinsey, a pioneer in the area of human sexuality rightly said that “the only universal in human sexuality is variability.” Each one of us is more different than alike when it comes to our sexual preferences and tastes. Even Vatsayana, the ancient Indian philosopher who wrote Kamasutra classified men and women basis the shape of their genitals.

Men with a small penis are known as a “Hare” (rabbit) then an average penis sized man would be called a “bull” and a plus-sized man a “horse”. Women with a smaller vagina or “Yoni” will be known as a “deer”, the average would be a “mare” and with a large vagina the “elephant”.

Let us talk about the difference in Libidos

When you hear the words “sex drive,” “libido,” or “desire,” you probably just think of one thing – being in the mood for sex. But it is much more complex. There are actually two completely different sex drive types:

Spontaneous Sex Drive – You have a spontaneous sex drive if:

  • You feel the desire for sex at seemingly random times across the day.
  • You might be busy at work and the idea of having a night of extraordinary passion flashes out of the blue.
  • You are the one who initiates sex most times in your relationship.
  • You tend to want sex more frequently than your partner.
  • You can feel turned on in a lot of different situations.

Responsive Sex Drive – You have a responsive sex drive if:

  • You rarely think about sex.
  • Sex doesn’t sound appealing until you’re in the middle of it.
  • At the end of sex, you think, “That was fun. Why don’t I want that more often?”
  • You rarely initiate sex with your partner
  • You tend to want sex less frequently than your partner.
  • The situation needs to be “just right” in order for you to feel turned on.

In general, men tend to have the spontaneous desire, while women tend to have responsive desire. Let us understand the sexual turn-on process, it has got two elements:

  1. Mental Arousal – When you get the thought of wanting sex or feeling that having sex is good
  2. Physical Arousal – When your body readies for sex. Women get wet, men get erect. For both men and women, their nipples get erect, heart rate increases, breath deepens, and so on.

The difference between spontaneous and responsive sex drive is:

  • Spontaneous Sexual Desire/ Libido – Mental desire comes first; physical arousal later
  • Responsive Sexual Desire/ Libido – Physical arousal comes first; mental desire later

Spontaneous Libido is when your mental desire comes first. You’re just going about your routine day when you realize that you’re in the mood. You go and initiate sex with your partner, and then get physically aroused once you get going. Responsive Libido is the exact opposite. You don’t feel mentally interested in sex until you’re already physically aroused. You might be watching an erotic scene in a movie, and start thinking, “hmmm, that sounds good.” Or you might be kissing your partner, and start to feel interested in taking it a step further.

Why Does It Matter?

Most people think that desire is supposed to be spontaneous because that’s how we see it in the movies. A couple will both spontaneously feel the sexual desire at the exact same moment. They also happen to have the time, mental space, and privacy to have sex at that exact same moment.

If you don’t know that Responsive sex drive exists, both partners in a relationship can be frustrated or sad that the Responsive partner never feels spontaneously turned on. You may end up thinking the Responsive partner never wants sex. But that’s just not true! The Responsive partner does want sex. They just need to feel physically aroused first, and then their mental desire will follow.

How To Bridge This Gap?

If You’re The Spontaneous Partner: You should be willing to take the time and the effort to get your responsive partner physically aroused. You can engage in light foreplay (kissing, cuddling, tickling, massaging, hair stroking) to get them interested in sex since for them physical arousal precedes their mental interest in sex.

If You’re The Responsive Partner: You should be open to being physical before you feel mentally interested in sex (since you now know you’ll not feel mental interest before being physical)

Both of You: Have to respect that you have different types of desire, and be willing to work as a team to create the sex life you both want.

We hope this article helps you. For more on sexual wellness, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by our sexual wellness expert Pallavi Barnwal on GOQii Play. You can also connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pallavibarnwalcoach

#BeTheForce 

November 20, 2020 By Pallavi Barnwal 1 Comment

6 Main Sex Related Myths That Can Destroy Your Sex Life

sex related mythsSex is a rarely discussed subject in the public domain and that leads to spreading a lot of misinformation out there, which leads to unrealistic expectations and disappointment. Despite being a sex educator, I myself had been living in one of these sex related myths that had a mighty toll on my relationship and hence, it becomes important to discuss all those sex related myths that we carry as beliefs in our intimate relationships. Let us bust all of them, one by one!

Myth #1 – You Should Spontaneously Want Sex

Most people believe that sex drive should be spontaneous. But it can never be possible, at the exact same moment, both you and your partner should feel the desire for sex. Typically, in a relationship, one person becomes the initiator while the other is the responder. You may also have realized that you’ve been labeling yourself or your partner as “low desire” simply because you didn’t understand the difference between Spontaneous and Responsive sex drive, and what each type needs.

Here’s the basic difference: Spontaneous libido types first feel mental desire for sex and then they seek out physical stimulation. Responsive libido types people need to be physically stimulated first, then they’ll feel mental desire. In other words: Spontaneous feel turned on, get physical – Responsive get physical, feel turned on.

If your partner is not initiating sex, it does not mean ‘always’ that they do not want it. It can also mean that their sexual drive is responsive, they are comfortable responding and not initiating. If you’re a Responsive sex drive type, you’re rarely going to be spontaneously interested in sex. It’s not the way your body works.

Myth #2 – If Your Partner Doesn’t Want Sex, It’s Because They Aren’t Attracted To You

This has happened with me when the man did not want sex because he was on a vow of celibacy. I felt deeply rejected and all that time he was saying do not take this as a rejection. It is not about you. But I would simply not believe it.

If your partner doesn’t want to have sex – either in a particular moment, or if they generally have a lower sex drive than you – it’s easy to take it personally. You worry that your partner is starting to see you as their roommate, not their lover.

The Truth: There can be tons of different reasons why people don’t feel interested in sex (stress, health issues, depression, body image, etc.). Only one of those reasons is not being attracted to your partner.

Myth #3 – If Your Partner Wants Sex, It’s Just Because They’re Horny 

I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I had faced this misunderstanding time and again in a relationship by the man who felt all I am interested in is getting physical pleasure. He failed to see that it is a way of a deep intimate, emotional connection for me. It’s funny, we take it personally when our partners don’t want sex, but when they do want sex, we tend to de-personalize it! You may think your partner only wants sex to get the physical sensations, and you’re just a vessel for them to get off.

The Truth: Sure, it’s nice to feel physical pleasure and have an orgasm, but that’s just one of the many reasons why we have sex. The truth is that sex is an emotional experience for most of us. Having sex is a way for us to physically express our love, affection, and attraction. If you and your partner have been battling with mismatched sex drives for a while, I can say for certain that the higher sex drive partner misses feeling connected, playful, and intimate way more than they miss having orgasms.

Myth #4 – Men Always Want It More

This is such a harmful myth for heterosexual couples. In couples where the woman has a higher sex drive, the man feels emasculated, the woman feels unfeminine, and their sex life almost always comes to a grinding halt.

The Truth: We’re all unique. There are some men who want sex more often than women, and some women who want sex more than men. Wanting a lot of sex as a woman doesn’t make you unfeminine. Not wanting sex as frequently as a man doesn’t make you un-masculine.

Myth # 5 – You Can’t Change Your Sex Drive

If you’re like most people, you think of your sex drive as you think of your physical traits. Just like you can’t make yourself grow taller or have smaller feet, you can’t change your sex drive. I see a lot of couples where the man reaches out bothered, “My wife is not at all interested in sex.”

The Truth: Great news! You absolutely do have control over your sex drive. You can make active changes to create the sex drive that you want. And it’s going to be way easier than you think it is!

Myth #6 – You Shouldn’t Have To Work On Your Sex Life

If there’s one myth that I think is more common and more dangerous than all others, it’s this one. Most of us believe that great sex should just happen “naturally”. Having to put in any sort of effort is seen as a sign that something is “broken” or “not a good fit”.

The Truth: Great sex doesn’t just happen naturally. It requires consistent effort. You have the power to create the sex life that you want! And here’s the amazing secret: working on improving your sex life doesn’t have to feel like a chore. It can be incredibly fun, fulfilling, and exhilarating!

We hope this article has helped you bust all these sex related myths. For more on sexual wellness, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by our sexual wellness expert Pallavi Barnwal on GOQii Play. You can also connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pallavibarnwalcoach

#BeTheForce 

July 31, 2025 By GOQii 6 Comments

Common Myths About Exercise & Nutrition

Nutrition and Exercise myths and factsIn the quest to lead a healthier and fitter life, we do end up reading and talking a lot about it. While exchanging information is good, the kind of information you exchange also matters. Are we following the right advice? Is this correct? Can this be verified? Is this information about nutrition and exercise coming from a trusted source?

There is no harm in reading about nutrition and exercise and following through, provided that it comes from a reliable source. Doing your own research on a topic can save you from following myths and sabotaging your own journey.

Keeping that in mind, let’s explore some common myths around exercise and nutrition.

Myth #1: Some Fruits Shouldn’t Be Given to Diabetic & Weight Loss Cases

Fact: Mango, Grapes, Chikoo and Bananas are often considered as enemies for diabetics and weight loss cases, considering their natural sugar content. Yes, I agree they are naturally loaded with sugar content, although best in class when it comes to nutrients. One should always consider the nutrients in a food rather than the natural sugar content or calories.

These food, when consumed at the right time and right quantity, provide fruitful benefits! For instance, Mango being high on Fiber, when consumed as an in-between meal gives you fullness and makes you not munch on the otherwise unhealthy stuff. Studies have proven that Mangoes have anti-inflammatory & antioxidant properties, which help obese people lose weight and in turn is helpful to diabetics. Bananas‘ high levels of B6 helps Type 2 Diabetics due to its anti-glycatic properties.

Myth #2: Rice is Fattening

Fact: Rice is high on carbohydrates and not high on Fat. When taken in right quantities and timing, it will get utilized by the body and will not end up being stored in the form of Fat. Again, rice is not responsible for weight gain. It is how our body processes food and reacts to excessive food, irrespective of whether that food is Rice, Quinoa, Oats, Whole Wheat or even Protein.

The best way to eat rice is to combine it with some protein source or fiber. For instance, Rice + Dal or Rice+ Fish Curry. Timing is equally important. You can have rice post a workout for your lunch, wherein your body can burn it off during the rest of the day. We can enjoy it for dinner too, provided the dinner is around 7-7.30pm.

Myth #3: Spot Reduction

Fact: There is nothing like spot reduction! As and when we lose or gain weight, it happens overall and not in one place. When we lose, it is as per the fat cells in the specific area which may have a tendency to lose more or gain more, depending upon your genes. When we train our muscles to be stronger, body burns more to repair and maintain them. While doing so, it does not take fat from the local area, it will take fat from all over to burn.

Myth #4: Ghee (Homemade Butter) Makes One Fat

Fact: Homemade Cow’s Milk Butter (Ghee) contains CLA (Conjugated Linoleic Acid) which helps you mobilize the stubborn fat in your body to help you energize. It has added benefits like anti-ageing, sexual vitality, healthy skin and eyes, etc. Want to lose weight? Add a spoon of homemade ghee to the plate.

Myth #5: Multigrain Biscuits and Fat-Free Snacks Are Healthy

Fact: We often get fooled with the marketing gimmicks that Multigrain is healthy, fat-free is the best snack, etc. If we get into more details, we can clearly see the facts. Just turn the packet of these foods around and read the label. The ingredient list goes in a descending order of the content of the food and the first ingredient is wheat, which we end up thinking to be whole wheat, where as it is the processed form of wheat which is Maida.

Majority of the contents are not healthy, it is just that they are given fancy names to fool us like Demerara Sugar, which is actually just normal sugar. The marketing names used are often the least in the percentage in the food, like Ragi, Multigrain, Oats, etc.

Myth #6: More Cups of Green Tea = More Fat Burned

Fact: Green tea, when taken in the right quantity and at the right time, can help you burn fat. This is due to its caffeine content. When people have it in larger amounts like 6-8 cups or more in a day, it ends up making them dehydrated and acidic. Rather than increasing the metabolism, it slows it down.  Thus, there is no extra ‘burning’ that will happen if one has it more. As we always say, anything in excess is not good, even if it is healthy.

Myth #7: Skipping Meals Helps One Lose Fat

Fact: Skipping meals will make you lose weight for sure. Although there is a difference between weight loss and fat loss. What do we do when our mom is not at home to give us food and we are very hungry and you cannot place an order for food?  We look for easy options at home to kill the hunger, right?

Our body does the same when we skip meals. It will look out for options within the body. The easiest one is the muscle glycogen storage, it will opt for that first and when one loses muscle content, there is a loss in body weight too, as muscle weighs a lot naturally. Although, metabolism goes down and fat content remains the same or increases. Skipping meals helps you lose precious muscle content while the fat still sticks around, in fact, increases too at times. 

Myth #8: Only Running Helps in Weight Loss & Maintenance

Fact: Running is a great sport/exercise. It has its own high due to the endorphin rush it gives you, especially when running outside. No doubt it gives you great results with regards to weight loss, although it is majorly muscle loss that happens if the pre and post run meal is not taken care of.

If one keeps running for a long time without strengthening workouts, they are bound to lose more and more muscle. Thus, weight loss will surely be seen but not in a healthy way. Later, when one stops running, they will gain all that weight quickly as the metabolism is low. Running will help one lose fat only when combined with strengthening workouts over the week.

Myth #9: Eating Extra Protein Helps Build Muscles

Fact: Given the fact that muscles need protein to survive, everyone assumes if you have extra protein, the body will keep it only for the muscles. This is not the case. At any given point, our body will take as much as required and the rest goes in to excess. Let that be Carbohydrates, Proteins or Fats. Whatever is excess and that which the body doesn’t require will go to storage, which is fat.

Myth #10: Lifting Weights Isn’t a Good Way to Lose Weight Because It’ll Make Me Bulk Up

Fact: Weight training will break your muscle and repair it back to be a little stronger and denser than the last time. Yes! This process will add up on your body weight but not fat.  You will start adding bulk depending upon the type of training you take and the type of nutrition support you have. The bulk up can happen only if you aim at it and train accordingly. If we are not looking at bulking up, one can train as per that. For instance, lesser weights and basic reps of 15-20.

Myth #11: Physical Activity Only Counts If I Do It for Longer Periods of Time

Fact: Workouts done the right way, at the right time, give us the right benefits! Some have a notion that if one trains for longer hours, the results will be better and faster. When one trains for longer hours, our body starts secreting Cortisol, which is a stress hormone. Due to excess cortisol, the body will store more fat and start losing muscle. This will in turn make metabolism slower. Thus, the quality of workout matters rather than the timings.

Myth #12: People Who Are Thin Don’t Need Exercise

Fact: One exercises because they want to be healthy and fit, not to lose weight. Majority think only those who want to lose weight need to workout. Everyone needs to workout. However, the type of exercise and its intensity will vary depending upon the person’s health and fitness goals. Thin people need to aim at gaining muscles. Often, thin people have the same percentage of fat as the person who actually looks fat. This is because the person who looks thin usually has least amount of muscles and thus, the body weight is lesser (as muscles are very dense).

Myth #13: If You Binge and Detox Later, It Nullifies The Binging.

Fact: This is like punishing your body! First you eat a lot and then you make it starve by detox methods or working out for hours. Rather than doing this, while eating out, one can practice mindful eating. Mindful eating involves chewing well and enjoying the food. It will end up in portion control too as your mind knows where to stop. If you binge, you eat fast. You eat the food with guilt and later punish it. Which is completely wrong! By practicing mindful eating we can eat out and not punish the body. We do need a detox at times to cleanse toxins but not as a punishment for binging.

If this article helped you identify myths and clear all your doubts on nutrition and exercise with facts, let us know in the comments below! You can find more articles on making a healthier lifestyle change here.

To bust more myths and get the right information from a certified expert, speak to a GOQii Coach by subscribing for Personalised Health Coaching here.

#BeTheForce

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is for general awareness and educational purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for personalised medical guidance or concerns related to your health. Images shown are for representation purposes only and may not depict the exact recommendations or outcomes.

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