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5 Steps To Cure The “What Will People Think” Syndrome

what will people thinkYou watch an invigorating dance performance on YouTube and feel your heart race and blood sing in your veins. Your love for dance has once again been roused. The image of you enthralling an auditorium full of people with your outstanding dance performance flashes through your mind – A dream you had nursed throughout your teens and 20’s. You close the door to your room, put on some music with fast beats and dance energetically in the safety of your room. You almost make up your mind that you are going to enroll for a dance class and perform to an audience sometime soon. But as the night passes and the new day breaks, you remind yourself that you have to be “practical”…

You consider yourself overweight. You are convinced that your family, friends and even strangers would laugh at you. You imagine the looks of ridicule on their faces when they get to know about your dream to dance. The decision is easy – “People see me as a responsible father, husband and professional. What would they think if they found out that I was training for dance and planning to perform in public?” And another dream is sacrificed at the altar of “What will people think”.

In my work with people, I have lost count of the number of times I have heard them say that they suppressed their needs & desires or gave up on their dreams, wishes, and hopes for a better life, because they were worried about what people would think. These wishes and dreams varied from wanting to cut their hair short or allowing themselves a weekend trip, to dreaming of starting an enterprise or wanting to walk away from an abusive relationship. I strongly suspect  that “What will people think” syndrome is the single biggest killer of hopes, possibilities and dreams. what will people think syndrome

What’s Behind The Fear?

If you have had this syndrome or still do, it just shows that you are human. This is driven by our evolutionary history. Thousands of years ago when humans were hunters and gatherers, avoiding disapproval from others was important for our survival. And of course we have been further conditioned by our families and schools to see others’ approval as the gauge of our worthiness. But then how does one overcome this fear?

Some Ways To Beat The “What Will People Think Syndrome”

1. Remember, people really don’t think or care that much about you
We humans are too busy obsessing about our own lives and spend very little time thinking about others. Even when we do think about others, it is in the context of how that impacts “me”, otherwise those thoughts are momentary. If you are not convinced, consider this – how much time of your day do you spend thinking about others’ (people who you are not close to) choices about their lives, particularly what may be deemed as stupid or poor choices? 5 hours? 2 hours? Half an hour? 2 minutes? 30 seconds? I am guessing it is more like the last figure. See what I mean? And here you are trying to conform to what you assume is others’ expectation of you, just so that for those few flashing moments people may approve of you (in your imagination). When you conform to imaginary rules so as to not attract disapproval, the only thing you manage to do is live a life of insignificance and make yourself invisible. On the other hand living by your own priorities and needs makes life more meaningful and engaging.

2. Stop judging and gossiping
We have a tendency to second guess other people’s reaction based on our own. Hence if you are in the habit of making judgmental, insensitive comments about others and are easily given to reveling in juicy pieces of gossip, it’s only natural for you to worry about others’ judging you the same way. So when you make it a practice to think compassionately about others, your worry about others’ judgment also diminishes.

3. Be accepting and kind to yourself
The people who fear judgment the most are the ones who judge THEMSELVES very harshly. When you are disapproving of yourself, then it is only natural for your mind to look for approval from others. That’s the only way to survive. I recently heard a well known actress admit during an interview that she used to constantly worry about her acne and imagined that when people spoke to her they only saw her acne. And she then went on to do her first movie while the acne still existed and she was amazed at how no one seemed to care about her acne. When we judge ourselves harshly we are constantly looking for cues for others’ disapproval and find it even where there is none. So spare yourself the torture by being kind and accepting of yourself.

4. Protect your dreams from harm
Many times it is our very own families and loved ones that plant the fear about other people’s opinions. They are just projecting their own insecurities on to you. Hence when you have ideas that you want to try out and suspect that your immediate family may not be thrilled about the idea, don’t share it with them till you have a clearer plan about how you want to take it forward. But do share it with one or two people who you know would support and encourage you. Your dream is like a seed. Once planted you need to water and nurture it and protect it from weeds and pests. Once the sapling grows into a strong plant and then a tree, it can withstand the strong sun and the storms. Same applies to your ideas and dreams.

5. Feel the fear and do it anyway
Rather than trying to avoid fear altogether, focus on taking action even when you feel worried or scared about other people’s reactions. Two things happen. One, you will realise that your anticipation of how others would react is either unfounded or exaggerated. Secondly you will feel more confident about the direction you want to move in, once you take the first few steps, rather than feeling confused and stuck.

Conclusion

You owe it to yourself to give yourself a chance and live a life that is genuinely joyful and meaningful. Your values and desires exist for a reason. Get out there and experiment with life, allow yourself to perspire, attract some unfavourable attention, fail a few times, laugh at yourself, get your hands dirty, stain your clothes; use up all those ideas, talents and gifts that you came to this earth with, because the best gift you can give this world is to be truly yourself!

We hope this article helps you overcome the “What will people think” syndrome. Do let us know your thoughts in the comments below. For more from our Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her LIVE sessions on GOQii Play. Subscribe now! 

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health

mental healthIn 2020, we released a study that revealed how 43% Indians are plagued with depression. But surprisingly, even in large metros like Mumbai, awareness of mental health is low, stigma is high and discrimination against people with mental health concerns is a harsh reality. The very recommendation that one should see a therapist or a mental health professional is received with distaste at best and anger at worst.

What is Mental Health?

The world over ‘Mental Health’ week is being observed but do we understand ‘Mental Health’?  It is important that we first understand what “Mental Health” means. It does not just refer to the absence of illness, rather it denotes a state of mind that allows people to believe in their abilities, work productively, cope effectively with day to day stressors, reach out for help when feeling overwhelmed, relate to others, and to work towards their highest potential.

While the mental health condition of a person is established by the individual’s ability to manage his/her thoughts, feelings, actions and interactions with others, mental illnesses and disorders are  often caused by a combination of factors including social discrimination, lack of protective policies, poor working conditions, poverty, lack of education, below average living standards, abuse (verbal, physical and sexual) and absence of familial or/and social support systems. It is true that certain genetics and specific personality attributes can make people more vulnerable to mental health issues, however contrary to popular belief, these are neither the only nor the most significant contributors to mental illnesses or disorders.

According to a survey conducted nationally, in 2018, on the attitudes towards people affected by mental health concerns, the top three attitudes prevalent in India were found to be the following:

  1. People with mental illness should not be given any responsibility
  2. One of the main causes of mental illness is a lack of self-discipline and will-power
  3. Mentally unhealthy people should have their own groups – healthy people need not be contaminated by them.

If one is diagnosed with cancer or with Malaria, would we ask them to get their act together and get better or expect them to use will-power to cure themselves? In terms of its prevalence and the number of people impacted by it, mental health issues are no different to physical health concerns and they need to be addressed with the same care and concern that is adapted to tackle a physical ailment, rather than with disdain and scorn.

With the existing attitudes, it comes as no surprise that the affected people, as well as the families, refrain from talking about their concerns or seeking the support they need due to the fear of being judged or labelled. But there are changes each of us can make that will help in creating an environment that promotes positive mental health.

Here are four steps you could take to do your bit in reducing social stigma attached to mental health concerns:

1. Educate Yourself About Mental Illnesses

General beliefs that people with mental illness are dangerous or are violent are myths which have unfortunately been propagated by movies. Often people with mental illnesses are victims of violence and abuse themselves. Question every stereotype and treat people with respect, irrespective of their diagnoses.

2. Stop Using Labels

Often people say things like ‘she is depressed’ or ‘he is schizophrenic’. The mental illness that someone deals with, is just one aspect of their lives and not their identity. Hence use language that separates the person from the health issue. For example, we could say “she deals with depression” or  “he’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia”. Use language that’s respectful and sensitive.

3. Support People

Remember that people who deal with mental health issues make important contributions to the world. Did you know that Mr. Kjell Magne Bondevik, the ex-Prime Minister of Norway had suffered from a depressive episode in August 1998 while he was still in power? He took some time out to recover and continued as PM till March 2000. Do not judge people to be incompetent or dismiss their capabilities based on a mental health condition they may be suffering from. Treat people with dignity, just like you would like to be treated yourself, had you been in their position. Encourage the actions that your own family members and friends take to overcome mental illness, support their efforts to get well and lead productive lives.

4. Encourage & Initiate Open Discussions

If you yourself have dealt with or are dealing with mental health issues, talk about it. Your courage will help in creating awareness and empower many others. If it is a family member or friend who is dealing with it, talk openly regarding the illness with their permission and in doing so, you will take away the shame attached to it.

The first Director-General of the World Health Organization (WHO), Dr. Brock Chisholm, in 1954, had quite aptly declared that “without mental health, there can be no true physical health.” On this very important day, let’s pledge to do our bit by becoming advocates to reducing the stigma surrounding mental health concerns and promote a world of inclusion and sensitivity.

For more on Mental Health, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi’s classes on GOQii Play.

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Making Sense of Schizophrenia

World Schizophrenia DaySchizophrenia is one of the most misunderstood mental disorders in our society. Hence, let’s start with what Schizophrenia is NOT:

  • It is not split personality or multiple personality disorder
  • People dealing with schizophrenia are not “Mad”
  • A vast majority of them are not violent and do not pose a threat to others

With that out of the way,

Let’s Understand What Schizophrenia Is:

It is a major psychotic illness that impacts thoughts, feelings and behavior of individuals. Schizophrenia is in fact, an umbrella like diagnosis used for categorizing a wide range of symptoms, all of which may or may not be experienced by people with this condition.

The experience of schizophrenia is unique to each person. It impacts about 1.1% of the world population i.e. about 51 million people worldwide and symptoms generally start showing up during adolescence or early adulthood.

The Symptoms Include:

  • Social withdrawal: The person may avoid spending time with others and may prefer being alone.
  • Loss of Interest & Enthusiasm: There may be reduced sense of enjoyment. Things and activities that used to interest them may no longer give them pleasure.
  • Disorganized Thinking: Here, the individual switches from one track of thought to another abruptly and without warning. This may seem bizarre and illogical to the listener, and is one of the defining features of schizophrenia.
  • Delusions: These are beliefs and impressions that seem disconnected with reality. For example, the person may believe that they are part of royalty or in a position of power with special abilities, or that people are plotting revenge against them, or that a catastrophe is about to occur, or that someone is in love with them.
  • Hallucination: This refers to seeing or hearing things that don’t exist, but for the person experiencing it, it feels very real and vivid. While it could involve the sense of sight, hearing or smell, the most common hallucinations include hearing voices speaking, murmuring or whispering.
  • Emotional Blunting: This refers to reduced expression of emotion on face, speech and bodily movements. It may appear that there is reduced interest and personal warmth in the individual dealing with schizophrenia.
  • Cognitive problems: They may have difficulty focusing on any one thing for longer durations and may quickly lose interest when someone is speaking to them. They may forget to do routine things which most of us take for granted and the lack of attention could impact their performance at work, studies and other areas.

Like mentioned earlier, people dealing with Schizophrenia may experience some of the symptoms and may not experience others. Also, the frequency and severity of the symptoms varies from person to person. There may be psychotic episodes where the severity of the symptoms may be more and continue to be severe for the duration of the episode.

World Schizophrenia Day The exact cause of schizophrenia has not yet been established. Studies indicate that a combination of genetics, environmental factors and brain chemistry contributes to the development of the disorder.

Schizophrenia is a chronic disorder that requires life-long management, just like in the case of diabetes and blood pressure. While there is no known cure for it, with the right treatment, symptoms can be managed and the individual can lead an independent, productive and meaningful life.

Early diagnosis, the right treatment and adhering to the treatment plan, go a long way in helping people manage the symptoms and live a functional life. A psychiatrist is qualified to diagnose the disorder and treatment is generally a combination of medication and therapy. In many cases the impacted individual may not have the insight that the changes in their behavior are due to a disorder and the family may have to take the initiative to take them for a diagnosis and treatment.

However, the stereotypes about this disorder compounded by the stigma around mental illnesses, often prevent families from reaching out for help, thus aggravating the condition. The impact of the ignorance of this illness is obvious in the statistics which show that 1 out of 10 people who deal with schizophrenia commit suicide and 4 out of 10, at the least attempt suicide.

World Schizophrenia DayBeing aware of the diagnosis of schizophrenia can be deeply distressing for the individual and they require a supportive environment for recovery. Due to fear, ignorance or awkwardness, friends, family members and others, may be overcautious or insensitive to people who may be dealing with the disorder.

If you have a colleague, friend or a known person who is dealing with the condition, educate yourself about the condition, talk to them, treat them normally and also let them know that you are there to help and support them. The illness can cause the individual to become socially withdrawn and isolated, hence it is important for them to have contact and connection with others.

Initiating conversations with the individuals dealing with schizophrenia, whether it is purely to discuss practicalities or for fostering a connection, is critical for them to be able to lead a normal life and overcome isolation.

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4 Reasons Why Affirmations Are Not Working For You

Affirmations

Affirmations are statements that firmly declare a positive intention, stated as a truth, so as to make these thoughts a part of your reality. For example, someone who wants to improve their physical health may use affirmations like “I am healthy and well”, “I radiate good health” or “I love feeling fit and strong” or all of them. Generally, affirmations are used repetitively at certain times of the day.

The idea behind using affirmations is to bring about a shift in our thoughts and beliefs. We humans have approximately 60000 thoughts in a single day and more often than not, we are unaware of our thoughts, they just stream through our minds constantly. What we think repeatedly and frequently slowly becomes our beliefs. And beliefs have the power to change reality. Thus, by influencing our thoughts, affirmations have the power to change our beliefs and reality.

How Do Affirmations Work?

In a study, individuals diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa (an eating disorder characterized by an abnormally low body weight, an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted perception of weight) were asked to walk through a doorway that became increasingly narrower. They found that these individuals started turning their body when the doorway was 40% wider than their shoulders while another set of individuals, without the diagnosis, turned only when the doorway was 25% wider than their shoulders. This pointed to the self-talk of the diagnosed individuals which made them believe that they were physically bigger than they actually were. In another study a group of patients who were due for a surgical procedure of the knee for osteoarthritis were divided into 2 groups. One went through the surgery while the other had a sham surgery i.e they had an incision made on their knee and the procedure was faked so that these patients believed that a surgery had been performed on them. The results were amazing because both the groups recovered equally. This is proof that the human mind has the power to make things happen if it believes in them.

Due to something called negativity bias (the tendency to focus on potential threats and difficulties) we humans tend to focus on negative aspects of our day to day life. When affirmations are used correctly, they can slowly replace the negative thoughts and help our mind to focus on not just what’s going well but seed the image of a reality that fits with our hopes and wishes.

Affirmation can slowly become a subconscious part of our thinking and belief system and the changes we wish to make in our lives will happen effortlessly. This sounds really simple and effective. Then why doesn’t it work as effectively for some?

Reasons Why They Fail Sometimes, And What To Do About It

Here are 4 reasons why their efficacy may be low for some:

  1. Contradicting practice – Many people may repeat the affirmations verbally or in writing once a day but say things and behave in ways that contradict these affirmations. For example, someone who wants to get a great job may be using affirmations like “I see myself in my dream job” for 10 minutes in the morning but for the rest of the day may be saying things like “It is tough times and jobs are not easy to come by” or “With my qualifications I don’t know if I can get a job I want.” Pay attention to your day today thoughts and words and use them in ways that match with the affirmations.
  2. Not focusing emotionally – A very important factor for the affirmations to work is that one should focus on experiencing the feelings that come with the affirmative thought. We may be parroting the words without truly focusing and thus failing to generate the emotion. Positive emotion is the fuel that will push your desires to reality.
  3. Using future tense – The affirmations have to be in present tense. If you use an affirmation like “I will be healthy and fit” your subconscious mind will always see it as something that is supposed to happen in the future, a future that never arrives. Affirmations in present tense allow you to not only picturize the possibility but also help you in experiencing the feelings that would accompany the accomplishment.
  4. Framing affirmations negatively – Many of us find it easier to talk about what we don’t like or don’t want in our lives and this may lead to people using affirmations the same way. However, our mind thinks in images and finds it difficult to process negative words, so replace an affirmation like “I don’t feel angry all the time” with “I feel calm and at peace”.

Affirmations have the power to change your habitual thinking and alter your beliefs for the better. Come up with affirmations for 2-3 areas of your life where you want to see changes. As you continue to use these affirmations correctly and consistently, your mind will come up with ways to make them come true and attract the exact opportunities required to fulfill your dreams.

We hope you enjoyed this article. For more by our emotional wellness expert Divya Thampi, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her sessions on GOQii Play.

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