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Suicidal Thinking: Facts You Must Know To Save a Life!

suicidal thinking“Psychache” – It is a term coined by experts studying suicide. It refers to the unbearable psychological pain experienced by people, who consider suicide. Contrary to popular belief, suicide is less about attention seeking, manipulation or selfishness and more about an attempt to save oneself from excruciating pain (mostly psychological). People in the throes of suicide ideation, engage in such thinking especially when they are flooded by feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, inadequacy, social exclusion, anxiety, humiliation and ending their own life seems like the only way to save themselves from what appears to be inescapable suffering.

When feeling this way, the individual’s perception of reality is constricted and sometimes collapsing, thus making it hard for them to access logical thinking and rational consideration of the pros and cons of suicide. This probably answers some of the questions that pop up in our heads about suicide, like – How can people ignore their survival instinct? Why can’t they see that things will get better? What stops them from reaching out for help?

Most people are tempted to argue and attempt to convince a suicidal person that suicide is not a solution to their problems. Unfortunately, the more we argue using cold logic, the more we deny the pain experienced by the person, aggravating the feelings of isolation and hopelessness they experience and thus the argument has the exact opposite effect, almost adding to the person’s conviction that they should go ahead with the suicide.

suicidal thinking

Some Common Myths About Suicidal Thinking

The key to understanding suicide is to understand suicidal thinking. The following myths and facts might help you save a life!

Myth #1: People who say that they are going to suicide are looking for attention.
Fact: Suicide is an extreme step that a person is driven to by deep feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and desolation. If someone says that they plan to suicide, believe them, and do not dismiss it as attention seeking behavior. Threatening suicide is a way of asking for help. Support them by listening and offering to help. The support may prevent them from taking this step.

Myth #2: All suicidal people have some or the other mental illness.
Fact:  Though some people are diagnosed with a mental disorder, concluding that an individual is suicidal because of depression or other mental illnesses, is actually overlooking the real issue. Not all people with mental illnesses attempt suicide and not all who attempt suicide have had a history of mental illness.

Myth #3: The only people who can help a suicidal person are mental health professionals.
Fact: Any person who can listen non-judgmentally and provide support can effectively intervene. Professionals often involve friends and family for interventions.

Myth #4: If a person tells you about their suicidal thinking, you shouldn’t betray their confidence by telling others about it.
Fact: If you become aware that someone is considering suicide, you must inform a family member or friends who care, so that they can provide support. Informing loved ones is an important step in preventing suicides. Knowing that others care for them and that they are valued and wanted, discourages people from taking the extreme step.

Myth #5: If you suspect that a person may be considering suicide, never directly ask them whether they have had suicidal thoughts.
Fact: People worry that asking a person whether they have had suicidal thoughts can plant the idea of suicide in their head. On the contrary, asking to find out whether a person is thinking about suicide may allow the person to share their concerns and worries, and prevent them from deciding to die. It also lets them know that you care and worry about their safety.

Myth #6: Once a person decides to suicide nothing can stop them.
Fact: Most people who consider suicide are unsure about the choice. More than 90% of suicides are preventable. “Should I hang in there for one more day?” is a question that they end up asking themselves often. If one feels supported while feeling suicidal, and gets help in finding therapy or other support services, it can prevent them from taking such a decision now and in the future.

Myth #7: Improvement after a suicidal crisis, is equal to no more suicide risk.
Fact: The weeks and months that follow a suicidal crisis are the most high-risk period because when the person who attempted suicide starts to feel stronger, they feel more capable of taking actions required to carry through the suicidal intention.

In the next part of this blog, we will help you understand suicidal thinking and ways to provide support to those who need it. Keep your loved ones close!

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Getting Along with Difficult Family Members

difficult family members

When a friendship gets toxic or it starts to impact one’s peace of mind, one can choose to move on and change the status of the relationship from “friends” to “not friends anymore”, but family relations are a different story altogether. Whether you like them, dislike them, find them needy, toxic or frustrating, the relationship is often there to stay. Family relationships can be complicated with their unique histories and their potential to significantly impact the quality of our lives. So how do you deal with close family members who drive you mad?

First, every relationship involves two people and if we are talking about a relationship of your life then YOU are a 50% stakeholder. While it may seem like your relationship is like a car with the other person driving it and you relegated to being a hapless passenger, in reality, a relationship is more like a boat that requires two people to row, to keep it moving. So, despite how you feel, you do have an influential role to play in the ongoing and future quality of the relationship. Here’s a list of 7 steps that you can take to make things better:

1. Stop trying to change this person

When we witness the family member behave, repeatedly, in ways that we disapprove of, we would inevitably want to change them. There are three reasons why this strategy will bomb. One, it is practically impossible to change the behavior of another person unless they are motivated to change. Secondly, the constant need to change someone and the equally consistent failure to do so, can leave you feeling deeply frustrated and deteriorate the situation further. Thirdly, the more you point out mistakes or make suggestions for improvement, the more they will see it as your way of rejecting them and they could feel resentful or inadequate. Hence a better strategy would be to consider modifying your own thoughts and responses, so as to feel more at peace.

2. Recognize the trigger points and refuse to rise to the bait

There are bound to be certain topics that tend to drive you and probably even the other person into a tizzy. Identify these in advance and reflect on how you would ideally want to respond to them whenever they come up. Steer clear of engaging in heated arguments around these subjects. Whenever it does come up, pay attention to your breath and the rising temptation to react emotionally. Keep breathing deeply and exhaling completely and allow the moment to pass without an outward reaction. If possible convey to the other person in an even and firm tone that you would prefer not to talk about the matter or that you would prefer to do it later, when you are in a better frame of mind. If the other person still continues, repeat your message and move away physically.

3. Slowly wipe out the toxicity in the relationship

It may have been weeks or months or even years since you had a happy or positive interaction with the family member in question. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Take out time to list down the things that you like or had liked about this person, including the smallest and most insignificant of their positive characteristics. You may not be very motivated to think about this person’s positive traits but make the list anyway. Whether it is their warmth towards kids, trusting you with their finances, keeping things tidy, remembering dates important to you, getting repair work done, every single thing counts. Once you have the list, make a note every time you see these behaviors and genuinely appreciate these acts. Start small by acknowledging it to yourself and slowly progress towards expressing the appreciation to them verbally. Initially it may feel awkward. But as you continue it will feel more natural and easier. Genuine appreciation and acknowledgment are powerful ways of making people feel more valued and loved and create connection.

4. Review the story you are telling yourself

Thinking “My sister always makes fun of me because she loves putting me down and feeling superior” will make one feel resentful and hurt; A thought like “my husband keeps nagging me because he doesn’t trust me to do a good job” could lead to feelings of sadness and helplessness; Another thought like “my daughter doesn’t spend time with me because she thinks I am boring and stupid” may leave one feeling upset and powerless. The fact that your sister jokes about you may have nothing to do with you and may be her way of trying to keep things light; a nagging spouse may be doing so to hold on to a sense of connection. Similarly, the daughter’s indifference may have little to do with your capabilities as a parent and more to do with her preoccupation with what’s going on in college. Write down your assumptions and question their validity. As you can see, changing the narrative inside our heads has the power to change the way we feel. Opting for the most charitable interpretation of the other person’s actions can be empowering for you and lead to more harmony.

5. Listen deeply

Especially with family members we do not use our listening skills well. We judge them far more than the people we meet less often. Hence, even before they have completed a sentence we jump to conclusions about their message and their intent. Try to really listen. Don’t interrupt. Instead of thinking up of a fitting comeback, pay attention to what they are trying to convey. What are they feeling as they are speaking? What emotional need are they wanting fulfilled? Listening is a fundamental way of making a person feel respected and valued. This helps the speaker to calm down, become less defensive and if they feel fully listened to, they may even be willing to listen to your point of view. Good listening goes a long way in calming things down.

6. Have compassion – for yourself and for them

Charity begins at home and compassion begins with self. When you try to attempt the above steps there will be times when you don’t succeed and feeling frustrated as a result is only expected. Whenever you feel frustrated, remind yourself that you are suffering too. Offer yourself words of empathy, love and comfort. Here’s an example of how to offer yourself compassion – silently say to yourself, “This is painful for you. You are human and all humans make mistakes. I am here for you and I love you!”

When you practice compassion with yourself, it becomes easier to feel compassionate to others. Remember that they are doing the best they can, based on what they know and believe. They too want to live a good life and feel loved and valued by others.

7. The “Brahmastra” (ultimate weapon)

There are those times when a family member will keep saying hurtful things and/or continue to ceaselessly complain despite your repeated requests to stop. At this point, visualize the pain inside of that person and mentally keep sending them love and blessings. It may sound counterintuitive and silly. But this one method cannot fail you. As they continue with their rants, keep repeating words of love or blessings like “I love you, I love, I love you” or “May you find peace, healing and joy. May you find peace, healing and joy”, mentally. Visualize a loving energy flowing from your heart to theirs while doing that. You will feel a change in them, as well as yourself.

If all else fails and you still feel triggered by this family member, consider shifting your residence (if that is an option), at least temporarily. Even close family relationships may sometimes be beyond repair. In such cases the kindest thing you can do to yourself and the other, is to move away and with time forgive them and yourself. Remember that it is not people who are difficult, but contradictory views and behaviors that get challenging. At times the change required may be in you and not the other. It is easier to blame others for our frustrations than to bring about change in ourselves. Staying a victim can be a subconscious coping mechanism to avoid taking responsibility. That is not always the case though.

In conclusion people are designed to be different. These differences have the potential to make life more meaningful and interesting. Conflicts and disagreements, thus give us opportunities to widen our world view, transform our relationships and help us grow.

We hope this article helps you! Do leave your thoughts in the comments below. For more on Mental Health and Emotional Wellness, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to live sessions by experts on GOQii Play!

#BeTheForce 

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Understanding Suicidal Thoughts & How to Provide Support

understanding suicidal thoughtsIn the first part of the article, we discussed common myths associated with suicidal thinking. In this article, we look to delve deeper into understanding suicidal thoughts and how you can support a person having suicidal thoughts.

According to Dr. Thomas Joiner, author of the book “Why people die by suicide”, people are motivated to die when two psychological experiences come together. One is “Perceived Burdensomeness”, the perception of being a burden to others. Here people feel that their death would be of more use to others than their life. The word “perception” is key here because the perception of the individual may be distorted by poor mental health or other life experiences.

The second is what he refers to as “Thwarted Belongingness” – the feeling of disconnection from something bigger than themselves. We humans are hardwired to be in relationships and when we lose one or more of the critical relationships in our life, whether it be with a child, partner, parent or colleague or lose a job or get separated, we experience a deep sense of distress that can make death seem desirable.

Thus, suicidal thinking is almost a problem-solving behavior, from the perspective of the person considering it (as uncomfortable as that sounds). Looking at suicide this way does not mean that we endorse suicide, instead it makes it possible for us to empathize with what may be going on with a person considering suicide. They are trying to stop the psychological pain.

Providing Support to a Person Having Suicidal Thoughts

Here are some ways in which we can provide support to people dealing with suicidal ideation:

  • Stop using the term “Committing” with suicide because suicide is a public health crisis and not a criminal act.
  • Let the person know that you care for them and want them safe.
  • If you suspect that they may be suicidal, ask them directly, to establish if they have had suicidal thoughts.
  • Listen to them non-judgmentally, allowing them to express themselves fully and acknowledge the feelings they may be experiencing, even if you don’t agree with their reasoning.
  • Resist the temptation to prove them wrong.
  • Avoid advising them to look at the brighter side of things or advising them to stop being pessimistic. This will only add to their feelings of isolation and distress.
  • Assure them that they are not alone.
  • Provide them support by helping in setting appointments with a professional or spending time with them or doing things with them that may help them feel better.
  • Identify the strengths of the person and factors that contribute to their well-being and resilience, like certain daily practices or relationships, that can be drawn on, to give them hope.
  • Help them to focus on things that help them feel a sense of control.
  • Remove any objects that they could use to harm themselves.

Suicide is a highly complex problem with multiple factors leading to it. Interventions for preventing suicide are not always simple. But it is important to remember that suicide is nearly always preventable and each one of us can play a role. Understanding suicidal thoughts and providing the right support can help us prevent the suicide of a family member, friend, colleague, classmate or neighbor. All it requires is for us to be alert and empathetic.

Know someone who should read this? Share it with them and keep your loved ones close!

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Decoding Autism and ADHD

 

You have probably seen movies such as Dustin Hoffman starred ‘Rainman’ and Shah Rukh Khan’s My Name is Khan. In both the films, the male lead protagonists play an autistic adult. Dyslexia, also an issue of learning disorder was beautifully talked about in ‘Amir Khan’s ‘Taare Zameer Par’.  Movies are the best way for common people to understand these medical conditions. Today, on World Autism day, we have tried to decode both Autism and ADHD. 

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can seem similar. Adults and children with these conditions have a problem focusing. They can be impulsive or have a hard time communicating. These individuals are intelligent and only different than the others and in many ways special.

Autism and ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders that impact the same brain functions. Studies have shown that two-thirds of the total affected children with ADHD show autism symptoms too. There is a thin line of difference between their characteristic symptoms, let’s learn about them in detail.

AUTISM – The Isolated Self

The word Autism is derived from a Greek word, ‘autos’ which means ‘self’. Autism can be diagnosed in children as early as 2 years of age and as late as 6-7 years of age. Each autistic child may show different symptoms. You cannot really categorise them into one. It is one of the syndromes that fall under the range of autism spectrum disorders.

Here are some of the distinct characteristics to look out for in an autistic child:

  • They find difficulty in communicating with others
  • They prefer to sit alone or play alone. Finds difficult to make friends.
  • Sensory Dysfunction – cannot stand loud noises, strong smell or flavour.
  • Repetitive Behaviour- Doing or saying the same things over and over again. For example, constantly clap hands.

The cause of Autism is largely genetic. So if diagnosed from start and treated well then it effectively reduces the symptoms.

How Do You Treat Autism?

– Most diagnosis is by the age of 2. Hence, an overall approach therapy- occupational, behavioural, medical, dietary and physical would help them to cope with the environment and other children better.

– Being oversensitive to touch, taste and sight, they tend to become picky eaters. They prefer to eat only a particular food item over and over again making them nutritional deficit. These deficits need to be addressed through supplements under the guidance of a doctor.

– Expose them to different varieties of the same food item. For example, if they eat apple jam, then the child will be open to trying apple pie or apple as a whole fruit.

– Usually, they are sensitive to foods containing casein (milk, paneer, curd), gluten (wheat, barley, oats) or preservatives (packaged food items). Try to eliminate these items one at a time and observe how they respond.

– Once the sensitivity is known, use substitutes for it. For example, in the case of casein, substitute their milk/paneer requirements with soybean milk/ tofu respectively.

– Gut health is compromised with a condition known as Leaky Gut (i.e. Gut is permeable to toxins and bacteria as they get absorbed or “leak” into the bloodstream). Long term studies have shown that bacteria B. Fragilis aids recovery from leaky gut and reduces the autistic syndrome.

– Medical therapy is important. The drugs that are given will not cure autism but will reduce anxiety and depression in the child. This will improve their learning and communication skills and make them more friendly and open.

ADHD

ADHD is seen in both children and adults. It is usually difficult to identify in children before the age of 5. This is because being inattentive and hyperactive are normal traits shown by any toddler or child.

Its symptoms may or may not stand out clearly. Some of the symptoms include:

  • Cannot focus on one task for a long time
  • Difficulty in paying attention in class or in any given activity or discussion
  • Always needs to move around. Cannot sit at one place.
  • Usually responds or answers back without thinking much/ Impulsive behaviour

Along with behavioural therapy, diet also plays an important role in managing ADHD. Studies have shown that a diet high in sugar worsens the hyperactive trait in ADHD children. This is because sugars provide instant energy to the brain, so they tend to overthink, overreact more.

A well-balanced diet including veggies, fruits, complex carbs like high fibre cereals and more of proteins will slowly help in easing the symptoms.

Below is the list of foods to be avoided and included-

Foods to be AVOIDED Foods to be INCLUDED
High sugar-containing foods like candies, cakes, cookies, sweetened chocolates Dark chocolates loaded with berries,

Homemade date (Khajur) rolls or pieces of almonds, raisins. Homemade carrot halwa, sheera

Fried Chips, wafers, ready to eat noodles Roasted Indian snacks like Chivda, bhel.

Plain or less of butter made popcorn.

Roasted peanuts and yellow channa.

Finger foods like sautee paneer, ragi wafers
Flavoured cereals- cornflakes, milk powder mixes. Plain cornflakes – add In bananas, berries.

Dates milkshake, fruit smoothies, yoghurt
Tetra pack fruit juices, colas, soda beverages Cut fruits and make popsicles out of it
Refined products like maida based pasta, pizzas, burgers, junk items Choose whole wheat pizzas with more veggie toppings, make up a salad of the kids choice of veggies and fruits, present veggies inside a chapati roll.

There is no cure for autism and ADHD, but early intervention using skills-training and behaviour modification can yield excellent results.

To understand Autism better, tune into GOQii Play Coach Divya Thampi’s class on ‘Common Myths about Autism Spectrum Disorder‘ tonight at 8:30 PM on the GOQii App.

 

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