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July 19, 2024 By Divya Thampi 1 Comment

The One Practice That Can Change Your Life

As she drifts between sleep and wakefulness, her mind brings along a sense of dread; just like a faithful pet would bring a rag doll, and wait, panting in anticipation, for her to wake up. Even before she can start to tell the difference between her own snores and the chimes of the alarm clock, the phone nudges her with notifications about the never-ending list of things to be done. She almost falls off her bed, phone in hand, stumbling from one task to another, trying to keep up with the demands of the day. She races against time, determined to make progress. But as the clock ticks on, her attempts to swim through the sea of distractions, hardly seem to work. She finishes her day feeling exhausted, with a nagging sense that very little has been achieved.

If such stress laden days, sound all too familiar, you are not alone. But knowing that many of us feel this way, hardly brings any reprieve from reality. However, one simple daily practice has the potential to change this experience quite drastically.

How Would You Like Your Day To Begin?

Before we talk about that practice, let’s look at what kind of day we would ideally like to spend – Personally, I would like to wake up feeling rested and refreshed, feeling excited and hopeful and in spite of the zillion things that need to be completed during the day, I would like to feel at peace with myself. Does that resonate with you? If it does, read ahead!

What’s That ONE Thing?

The one activity that could change the way we start and end our day, is Meditation. According to the Buddhist definition ‘Meditation practices are techniques that encourage and develop concentration, clarity, emotional positivity, and a calm seeing of the true nature of things.’

It is the one activity which will not change the circumstances or the people of your life, but has the potential to change the weather inside your mind. In 10 to 20 minutes, it could help your internal weather to change from grey, cloudy and chilly to pleasantly sunny, warm and hopeful. 

How Meditation Helps!

When you meditate regularly, you get better at holding your attention in the present moment. This automatically leads to less distraction. It also improves your ability to process sensory information. Personally, I find myself more capable of holding back angry retorts and loosening the hold of obsessive thoughts, much more now than when meditation was not a part of my life. This is not surprising given the research which shows that regular meditation enlarges the pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking, and decision making) and reduces the Amygdala activation (the key brain structure known as the emotional or fear center of the brain), leading to improved emotional regulation! According to Dr. Keith Holden, in his book “Power of the mind in health and healing”- “Regular meditation may even help prevent age-related brain atrophy, which has the potential to protect against memory loss and improve brain function as you age.”

In broader terms, a regular meditation practice helps you feel better about yourself, bring more harmony in your relationships, develop your ability to perform better at work, improve your creative thinking and foster the ability to stay calm in the face of uncertainty, not to mention adding to your overall sense of well being.meditation

Yes, You Are Already Good At It! 

Before I started practicing meditation, I used to think that it is meant for people who have a lot of time at hand. For someone who has retired from work life for instance, or someone who doesn’t have much to do. But I couldn’t be farther from the truth on both fronts! (being retired from work life doesn’t mean one is not busy). Meditation is beneficial for every single one of us. The busier you are, the more beneficial it is for you. You may not realise it, but whenever you are in a state of “flow” i.e. when you feel happily engrossed in a task, that you feel competent to do, and enjoy doing – you are meditating; you are meditating on that one task, with absolute focused attention and there’s this feeling of being in a different plane. You are meditating every time you sleep deeply. So, you are already practicing certain forms of meditation in your life and are good at it. Hence saying that “meditation is not my cup of tea” doesn’t hold water (or tea).

Conclusion

There’s no aspect of your life that goes untouched by the benefits of meditation. As an emotional wellness coach and counsellor, I get to hear hundreds of mental health concerns from people on a regular basis. No matter what the complaints are, meditation almost always features in the list of ways in which people can overcome those issues and move towards short term and long mental wellness. So, when do you plan to start?

We hope this article helps you! If you want to begin your meditation practice, check out some interesting articles on Healthy Reads. To get more meditation tips from a certified expert, subscribe to Personalised Health Coaching here.

#BeTheForce 

June 6, 2024 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

What I Learned About Bringing A Real Change In Self

It wasn’t long ago that two of us friends visited a common friend and her family. As we all got chatting on a particularly interesting topic, I grew excited and participated enthusiastically. Everyone seemed to have a good time and I went back in good spirits pondering about some of the things we spoke about.

A few weeks later the friend who had accompanied me for the visit, gently pointed out to me that I had dominated the conversation that evening; chiming in more often than was necessary, cutting off others in my enthusiasm. As he shared his observation, I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Every cell in my body demanded that I put this friend in his place by giving free reign to the hurtful words that awaited their release from the tip of my tongue.

All through the din of my internal battle drums, a very quiet voice from somewhere close to my heart, stopped me. It calmly pointed out that may be this friend was not so completely wrong. But I still hadn’t reached a place of unconditional self-acceptance so as to receive such feedback with grace and gratitude. I was foaming at the mouth instead.

Just about managing to hold back the venom that was ready to spew through my words, I sat through the next 5 minutes in stoic silence letting my loving friend squirm in discomfort, though he deserved better for his courage and honesty. With the passing of minutes I managed to calm down sufficiently to be decent to him. We even managed to finish our coffee and share a few smiles before going off our different ways.

That evening I sat with my journal painfully writing down an honest account of what had happened on that particular evening — the evening of the get-together, when I was supposed to have been behaving like a self-centred loud mouth. As I sifted through the scenes, it became clear that my friend had been spot on in his feedback.

As all of us had engaged in discussing and debating on an interesting topic, I had kept pushing my point of view, expressing my thoughts and increasing my volume just a wee bit, enough to suppress any attempts by others to oppose me, not pausing for breath; almost as if I was scared that if I paused someone may take my place as the Prima donna.

I remembered observing and ignoring fleeting expressions of frustration and impatience on the listeners faces, as they experienced themselves being cut off half way through their sentences. I recalled the grace with which they chose to listen to me rather than express their irritation. I even remember having the nagging feeling that I should stop, slow down, pause and let others participate, but something kept egging me on. This “something” is what I was scared to confront. Because according to my judgment this “something” — the need to feel important, made me a pathetic person.

I felt embarrassment and anger course through me — Embarrassment about my appalling behaviour and anger towards myself for not doing better. After a few hours of internal battle, I came out relatively unscathed, resolving to work on changing my behaviour. I am glad to say that I have made progress since then.

As I looked back on that evening of introspection and asked – why was the experience so painful? What was it that helped me come out a better person, through it? This is what I learnt.

I had experienced shame and anger at the beginning because I had been judgmental about myself, telling myself that I was expected to be thoughtful and considerate at all times. Effectively I was holding myself up to standards that I may never be able to live up to — of not making mistakes. However after calming down with a few deep breaths, I had told myself what I tell many of my clients, who are trying to bring about change in themselves — You are more than your words and actions; acknowledging a flaw in a behaviour does not imply that you are a bad person. I had practiced with great difficulty what I preach to my clients — self-compassion and self-love.

I had held myself lovingly through the pain of knowing that in those moments I must have behaved like a selfish inconsiderate idiot, but had also assured myself that I still wasn’t any of that; that it was a behaviour demonstrated in a moment of ignorance and poor judgment; that I was capable of bringing about change. I had reminded myself that pain is the strongest indicator of growth.

Self-compassion and self-love had saved the day. And I will admit that it is not always easy to practice these. I had help — help in the form of all those friends and family who, in my life journey, not only showed me compassion but also let me know that I was loved, through my moments of weakness and strength; help in the form of those masters and authors who made themselves the instrument of change and generously laid out their life experiments for others like me, to learn from; help in the form of clients who dug deep into their being, to come up with the courage to care for themselves despite their flaws. I was grateful to them for allowing me to witness the transformation they brought in themselves with such love, for instilling in me the confidence that true personal growth needs a mix of honesty, courage, love and self-compassion and for giving me the inspiration to grow.

As I write this I wish and hope that more of us can practice self-compassion and self-love because we need it, we deserve it and because I am convinced that the only way we can bring about substantial change and growth in ourselves, is through love and compassion.

#BeTheForce 

May 8, 2024 By Divya Thampi 1 Comment

3 Super Simple Ways to Overcome Anxiety Induced Procrastination

overcome anxiety induced procrastination

procrastination

/prə(ʊ)ˌkrastɪˈneɪʃ(ə)n/

(noun) the action of delaying or postponing something.

Amit wakes up with a feeling of dread. Even before his mind can tell him what is wrong, he can feel anxiety and guilt start to overpower him. Then it registers. He’s woken up late! Yet again!!

He was supposed to wake up at 6, do his yoga, meditate, get a few chores done and get started with work at 8.30 am. Instead, here he was, staring at the hands of the clock insisting that it was 8.30 am, and feeling miserable.

“I have ruined the day before it even started!!” he moans.

Trying to salvage the rest of his day, he quickly brushes his teeth, rushes through part of the morning routine and sits down at his desk at 10 am. As he starts wondering what tasks he needs to get done during the day, his mind comes up with one really important task.

As soon as he gets ready to work on the first task his mind reminds him about the deadline for sending in suggestions for his team meeting. So he closes the file he had opened and goes on to open his email. And before he can get to the email with the attachment he is looking for, he is greeted by the deluge of new unread emails waiting to be opened. His heart beats faster, breath gets quicker and despite the cool morning, his palms get clammy with perspiration.overcome anxiety induced procrastination

As he tries to quickly skim through the unread emails, his mind keeps reminding him that he is already behind with the things he’s supposed to get done today and simultaneously points out that had he woken up on time, he would have been done with at least two of these tasks. 

Once again, he experiences a surge of hopelessness, guilt and shame wash through him. He gives into the routine of berating himself and thinking of all the times that he has done this before and hears his mind say things like:

“Who are you trying to fool? You know very well that this is who you really are – this lazy, undisciplined, good for nothing failure who is never going to amount to much! Stop telling yourself that you will somehow turn a new leaf, become disciplined overnight and transform into the epitome of efficiency, effectiveness and success. Just accept that this is never going to change. You are destined to live the life of a loser.”

Inexplicably, Amit feels exhausted and turns to his phone and thoughtlessly opens up Instagram. He scrolls down thinking that he will just check out a couple of posts. But the next time he looks at the clock it is already 12 noon. Feeling totally dejected, he decides to have some snacks and polishes off a large packet of wafers in no time. He spends the rest of the day feeling lethargic and getting very little done.

Does all this sound familiar? If it does, you are not alone. Even the most capable and intelligent people experience this every once in a while and more people than you could imagine, deal with this regularly. 

But let’s take a closer look at what’s going on here. If you are thinking that the issue is Amit’s habit of waking up late, you are wrong. That is not the primary issue. While good sleep habits are important and need to be managed, life will invariably throw you curveballs that will disrupt your plan one way or the other. In this case, waking up late led to Amit losing about an hour of personal preparation time and 90 minutes of work time, which totals up to 150 minutes. If he had gone on to use the rest of the day well, he would have lost only about 2 hours of productive time. But the issue was that anxiety, guilt and shame overpowered him and made it impossible for him to utilise the rest of his time. And he lost over 5 hours instead of 2.5. 

So you see, the biggest problem in most situations is not so much the interruption of plans, but our inability to manage our self talk and the resultant anxiety. Here are 3 simple steps you can take to overcome anxiety induced procrastination.  

3 Simple Steps To Overcome Anxiety Induced Procrastination 

  1. Three top tasks for the next day: Before you finish for the day, write down the things that you’d like to get done the next day. Now circle the three most important things on the list. Make these very specific. For example, instead of writing “Get started on the report”, you could write “Have the first draft of the report ready”. Now rank them in the order in which you’d like to get it done and write down an approximate amount of time you expect each of these tasks to take. You see, when you are ready to start in the morning, your mind is ready for action mode, but if you give it the job of deciding WHAT TO DO, it is going to take up precious energy and working memory space, leaving very little of the energy and focus to actually get the job done. However, at the end of the day when your mind is still in work mode, it is far easier to think about what you’d like to get done the next day. And the next morning, you can channel all your enthusiasm into working on the tasks.
  2. Tackle the anxiety: If things aren’t panning out the way you planned them to, take a few minutes to become aware of the self talk which tries to thrash you. Acknowledge the need behind the anxiety – The need to get things done. Focus on your breath for a few more minutes and ground yourself. Remind yourself that plans getting waylaid is a common occurrence in every one’s life and as long as you are human, it is going to happen once in a while. Ditch the “All or Nothing” thinking that your mind tries to sell you. Remember that if you were to stay calm, you can still achieve a big part of what you set out to do that day. If you notice the anxiety reappearing, schedule 30 minutes of “worry time” towards the evening – a slot of time where you give a free reign to worry and anxiety. And each time you notice anxious thoughts returning, remind your mind that you can do the worrying during the allocated half an hour, not before or after.
  3. Time your tasks and take breaks: Look at your task list and start with task no 1, with a timer set to half an hour by your side. If your mind comes up with distractive thoughts while you are at the task, note down the thought in your physical or digital notepad so that you can look at it after you have worked on this task for a continuous half an hour. Same applies to any other external distractions you may face. Getting a phone call? Send them a text that you will call them back after half an hour; reminded of an email response you were supposed to send this morning? Jot down a reminder about it on your notepad and get back to the task you were doing. When you have put in a solid half an hour of focus, take a break and do any quick calls or messaging from your notepad list and get back to working on the task for another half an hour with a timer. Keep working with half an hour chunks of time with 5 min breaks in between. This will help your mind remain super focused.

Whether you are a working professional, a student, a consultant, a home maker or an entrepreneur, these steps are applicable to each one of you. Procrastination is not caused by laziness, rather it is the mind’s way of coping with increasing anxiety. The above mentioned steps are healthier ways to overcome anxiety induced procrastination, thus making it possible to take action, and to progress towards your goals.

We hope this article on 3 simple ways to overcome anxiety induced procrastination helps you! Do let us know your thoughts in the comments below! For more articles like this, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to sessions by our Emotional Wellness Expert Divya Thampi on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce 

April 12, 2024 By Divya Thampi 6 Comments

The Secret To Connecting With Others And Healing

HealingAn Act of Courage

Rishabh’s body trembled almost imperceptibly, lips quivered and tears brimmed over.  He was telling his friend about the time, two years ago, when he found out that he had failed his semester exams. The friend who was listening to him, looked somber and sighed, seeing how devastating the incident had been for Rishabh. “That must have been really hard for you. I am trying to imagine what it must have been like for you to handle the burden of it, all by yourself. I wish I had spoken to you and told you that failing a semester didn’t change the way I see you and how much you mean to me as a friend,” he said, his eyes mirroring his friend’s pain.

This is an example of an interaction between one person choosing to be vulnerable with another, who in turn, chose to respond with understanding, care and compassion. It doesn’t need a doctorate degree for one to recognize that it must have taken a lot of courage for the speaker to open up about something that brought on feelings of shame, sadness and isolation. At the same time his friend’s response was honoring of Rishabh’s experience of pain. And such a conversation could mark the beginning of a healing process.

What Does it Mean to be Vulnerable?

In her book, ‘Daring Greatly’, Dr. Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It is that feeling of going out of your comfort zone, opening yourself up to the risk of being judged, and letting go of control to some extent. One of the biggest myths about vulnerability is that it is a sign of weakness. Our society propagates the idea that being strong means not being scared, hurt, confused or jealous. We are told that being strong is about not feeling fear and being in total control. This idea has been drilled into our minds and hearts for very long. But is that true? Does being strong mean being perfect? Does it mean pretending to be okay at all times? Or managing all our life problems independently and not taking support?

The answer is a big NO! It is a myth that most of us have been reeled into. Not feeling fear would require us to numb every other feeling along with it; every feeling that makes us human.

But Dr Brown says “When we think of times that we have felt vulnerable or emotionally exposed, we are actually recalling times of great courage”. She adds that, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” We make the assumption that the things that make us feel distressed and ashamed, are things that should be hidden and kept a secret. But not talking about them reinforces the voice in our heads that tells us that we are not good enough. That clearly is of no help and could aggravate the feelings of alienation & disconnection.

Like in the example at the beginning of this blog, when Rishabh chose to be vulnerable, it opened up an opportunity for a significant person in his life to witness important parts of him, thus validating his feelings and making him feel whole again. And it is that wholeness that allows us to understand and accept that making mistakes, going through challenges, or struggling in relationships, is not shameful, rather, it is what makes us human. Acceptance of our fragility, accelerates the healing process.

Trying Out Vulnerability

If practicing vulnerability feels like too much of a leap for you, here are a few things that can help you begin:

  1. Start with something really small, like telling a friend or colleague about devouring 4 mangoes in one go or not having a shower all day or feeling anxious about an upcoming meeting.
  2. Whenever someone shares something with you, that makes them vulnerable, acknowledge their courage in sharing it with you and provide support with your listening and presence, without offering solutions or advice.

The Way Ahead

Let’s start one small step at a time in our own lives, because when you open yourself up to others and allow them to support and help you, you are also inspiring others around you to open up and thus helping the world to heal. As the famous author Haruki Murakami says “What happens when people open their hearts? They get better!”

We hope this article helps you. For more topics on mental health and emotional well-being, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to experts on GOQii Play.

Go get tips on improving mental and emotional health, connect with your GOQii Coach by subscribing for Personalised Health Coaching here.

#BeTheForce 

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