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June 6, 2024 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

What I Learned About Bringing A Real Change In Self

It wasn’t long ago that two of us friends visited a common friend and her family. As we all got chatting on a particularly interesting topic, I grew excited and participated enthusiastically. Everyone seemed to have a good time and I went back in good spirits pondering about some of the things we spoke about.

A few weeks later the friend who had accompanied me for the visit, gently pointed out to me that I had dominated the conversation that evening; chiming in more often than was necessary, cutting off others in my enthusiasm. As he shared his observation, I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Every cell in my body demanded that I put this friend in his place by giving free reign to the hurtful words that awaited their release from the tip of my tongue.

All through the din of my internal battle drums, a very quiet voice from somewhere close to my heart, stopped me. It calmly pointed out that may be this friend was not so completely wrong. But I still hadn’t reached a place of unconditional self-acceptance so as to receive such feedback with grace and gratitude. I was foaming at the mouth instead.

Just about managing to hold back the venom that was ready to spew through my words, I sat through the next 5 minutes in stoic silence letting my loving friend squirm in discomfort, though he deserved better for his courage and honesty. With the passing of minutes I managed to calm down sufficiently to be decent to him. We even managed to finish our coffee and share a few smiles before going off our different ways.

That evening I sat with my journal painfully writing down an honest account of what had happened on that particular evening — the evening of the get-together, when I was supposed to have been behaving like a self-centred loud mouth. As I sifted through the scenes, it became clear that my friend had been spot on in his feedback.

As all of us had engaged in discussing and debating on an interesting topic, I had kept pushing my point of view, expressing my thoughts and increasing my volume just a wee bit, enough to suppress any attempts by others to oppose me, not pausing for breath; almost as if I was scared that if I paused someone may take my place as the Prima donna.

I remembered observing and ignoring fleeting expressions of frustration and impatience on the listeners faces, as they experienced themselves being cut off half way through their sentences. I recalled the grace with which they chose to listen to me rather than express their irritation. I even remember having the nagging feeling that I should stop, slow down, pause and let others participate, but something kept egging me on. This “something” is what I was scared to confront. Because according to my judgment this “something” — the need to feel important, made me a pathetic person.

I felt embarrassment and anger course through me — Embarrassment about my appalling behaviour and anger towards myself for not doing better. After a few hours of internal battle, I came out relatively unscathed, resolving to work on changing my behaviour. I am glad to say that I have made progress since then.

As I looked back on that evening of introspection and asked – why was the experience so painful? What was it that helped me come out a better person, through it? This is what I learnt.

I had experienced shame and anger at the beginning because I had been judgmental about myself, telling myself that I was expected to be thoughtful and considerate at all times. Effectively I was holding myself up to standards that I may never be able to live up to — of not making mistakes. However after calming down with a few deep breaths, I had told myself what I tell many of my clients, who are trying to bring about change in themselves — You are more than your words and actions; acknowledging a flaw in a behaviour does not imply that you are a bad person. I had practiced with great difficulty what I preach to my clients — self-compassion and self-love.

I had held myself lovingly through the pain of knowing that in those moments I must have behaved like a selfish inconsiderate idiot, but had also assured myself that I still wasn’t any of that; that it was a behaviour demonstrated in a moment of ignorance and poor judgment; that I was capable of bringing about change. I had reminded myself that pain is the strongest indicator of growth.

Self-compassion and self-love had saved the day. And I will admit that it is not always easy to practice these. I had help — help in the form of all those friends and family who, in my life journey, not only showed me compassion but also let me know that I was loved, through my moments of weakness and strength; help in the form of those masters and authors who made themselves the instrument of change and generously laid out their life experiments for others like me, to learn from; help in the form of clients who dug deep into their being, to come up with the courage to care for themselves despite their flaws. I was grateful to them for allowing me to witness the transformation they brought in themselves with such love, for instilling in me the confidence that true personal growth needs a mix of honesty, courage, love and self-compassion and for giving me the inspiration to grow.

As I write this I wish and hope that more of us can practice self-compassion and self-love because we need it, we deserve it and because I am convinced that the only way we can bring about substantial change and growth in ourselves, is through love and compassion.

#BeTheForce 

February 14, 2024 By Hetal Chheda 3 Comments

Self Love can help achieve Health Goals

How many of us can take compliments gracefully? A compliment certainly makes one’s day and I am sure it is true for most of us. It feels so great when someone just tells you how beautiful/handsome or how good you look. Any kind of compliment rejoices one.

The strongest desire and a positive thought do replace the need for such complements, I strongly believe is SELF LOVE. It is that magical key ingredient that makes you reach your health goals easily. It can be weight loss, staying fit, gain muscle mass or sleep better.

What is SELF LOVE?

Self-love is about loving each quality within you, be it good or bad. You may be fat or thin, dark or fair; who cares, just live your dream. Self-approval is something that we all require. Remove the negativity and bring in positive thoughts about yourself. And above all, you should feel good about yourself.

How SELF-LOVE helps us achieve the health goals?

With this special ingredient called self-love health goals can be achieved easily. Yes, you heard me right. Health goals and self-love complement each other.

We all know the power of law of attraction when it comes to money, home or children. This law of attraction also works for achieving your health goals like weight loss, running a marathon, exercising daily or just drinking enough water.

Just bring in positive thoughts.

Negative thoughts camouflage your belief system thinking it to be true and manifest itself into reality. Insecurity, irresponsibility, fear, stress, anxiety, desperation to lose weight fast and inferiority complex cause obesity unknowingly.

Negative thoughts and comments from others also lead to decrease in confidence level and broken self-esteem. How much ever we diet or workout, we do not get the desired result unless the importance of law of attraction is understood and practiced.

Self-Analysis – Ask these questions to yourself

  • Does your belief work on what people say?
  • Do you need others to praise you?
  • Do you get upset when you don’t find the right size of clothes for yourself
  • Do you lack will power to start your most desired goals?
  • Do you face difficulty in chasing your dreams?
  • Do you feel bad when you can’t eat that sweet lying in your refrigerator?
  • Do you wish to run a marathon but hold on due to lack of stamina or an underlying heart problem?

If your answer is YES to most of the questions above, then we surely lack SELF LOVE.

Steps to follow and conquer the world.

Law of attraction steps to reach the goals: SELF LOVE

  1. Be patient and optimistic. This is the key towards great health.
  2. Eliminate negativity around you.
  3. Consistently eat healthy and exercise.
  4. Don’t feel guilty if you reveal to everyone that you are eating less and avoiding sweets. Simply say, I am trying to make healthy changes.
  5. Don’t read too many weight loss stories or ask anyone their story of weight loss. This will just make you desperate and negative.
  6. Dress/Suit up and don’t forget to praise yourself. When you say, ‘My tummy is too big or I have double chin’ you are insulting your body·
  7. Be confident when you socialise. You confidence can overcome all the flaws.
  8. Take out at least 30-45 mins every day for yourself in doing some recreational activity like exercising, reading, shopping etc.
  9. Meditation eliminates negative thoughts from mind. Try and indulge in it for 5-10 minutes.
  10. Always visualise yourself beautiful/ handsome, leaner, toned and very happy.
  11. Jot down your goals in Present Tense like: I am 65 kgs and look gorgeous with this weight, I am running every day to become thin (Not lose weight, lose is a negative word)

It is very important for us to understand that true happiness lies in self-love and self-approval, all the desired goals become easy to achieve then. You love yourself; the world will love you back. It is important to love yourself to achieve the desired health goals…..do not wait for other’s approval

 

 

May 6, 2023 By Urvi Gohil 1 Comment

Happy International No Diet Day!

no diet day

Shhh! No, don’t say it. Nooo, don’t even think of it! Today, we will not discuss anything about diet because May 6th every year is celebrated as No Diet Day. Today is the day of challenging the idea of one “right” body type and embracing body diversity.

What is International No Diet Day? 

At the heart of International No Diet Day is the celebration of body acceptance. In a society that runs around appearance and size, this day helps to refocus on what is the real essence of life – a healthy lifestyle and self-love.

Mary Evans, a British feminist started this in 1992 after battling body shaming, anorexia and bullying for years. She encouraged fellow women to join her and wear “Ditch the Diet” stickers and fully embrace their bodies for a day. After that, May 6th participants wear blue ribbons, put away the scales and completely enjoy the way they are.

Bodies are beautiful irrespective of shapes and sizes – this is what we need to accept. For far too long, health has been associated with unrealistic body types and unhealthy, dangerous FAD diets. No Diet Day is the day when we incorporate the promotion of a healthy lifestyle for all body types.

How Do You Celebrate No Diet Day? 

  • Recognize that your body is completely beautiful as it is and reduce your push towards shedding weight to make it look a certain way. Everybody is unique. 
  • Stress-free about your final outcome and more about how you can stay active and keep your body healthy.
  • Rapid reduction of weight or emphasizing on unrealistic body types is a way of causing yourself harm instead of getting healthy.
  • So today eat what you love, eat what you have always loved from childhood but were staying away from it because of diet or thinking about calories. Remember to keep it in moderation though. Avoid binging. 
  • Cook yourself with your favourite foods! 
  • You will be surprised how liberating it feels to not judge yourself by a number, so push your weighing scales away. And just enjoy your being.
  • Also learn about various eating disorders the youth suffer from which are detrimental and encourage people for self-love.
  • Look at the positive side about your body instead of focusing on the negative aspects. Think about everything you like in yourself.
  • Take this day to be kind with your body, take a long bath or just dance all your worries out.

And lastly, be proud of who you are and not ashamed of how someone else sees you. 

We hope this article helps you enjoy your No Diet Day! For more exciting topics and information, check out Healthy Reads. You can also begin your Health Story with GOQii by subscribing for Personalised Health Coaching here. 

#BeTheForce 

April 9, 2021 By Pallavi Barnwal Leave a Comment

Sexual Confidence: How To Find Yours?

sexual confidence

I wonder if there is any other topic than sex that is surrounded by so many complicated and mixed notions. It can be as simple as an erotic act and as complex as our deep-set desires and beliefs. In a world where sex is either served wrapped in toxic messages such as it is sinful and wrong, or packaged in dehumanizing portrayal in the form of porn, how does one build sexual confidence? How do you rid yourself of shame and become sexually liberated?

How Can You Build Sexual Confidence? 

There is no simple answer to these questions. Sexual confidence isn’t about being up for anything and increasing your ‘score’ of sexual partners. It’s about knowing yourself, your wants and desires, your boundaries and the ability to communicate them. Your sexual self-esteem cannot be built upon something that has been taught to you or fed to you by someone else. You need to figure it out on your own and here are a few tips to begin with the process:

  • Get to Know Yourself: Sounds simple, right? Only if it really was. Based on your experiences, list what you like and what you don’t about your sexuality. Then dig deeper – think about the reason for those likes and dislikes. Based on these, set your own boundaries, so you know when someone oversteps or when it’s time to open a dialogue.
  • Get To Know Your Body: Are you comfortable looking at your naked body in the mirror? Look at your body and internalize that the mainstream definition of sexy isn’t really true. You can’t be confident until you’re comfortable with your body. Exercise, keep your body fit and healthy and listen to it to understand it.
  • Fire Up Your Imagination: It’s difficult to be confident about sex when you are not sure what you like and dislike. Begin with yourself first. Read some erotica, watch something sexy, explore and pleasure yourself. Sexual confidence stems from the awareness that the key to your sexual power lies with you. This is crucial for women – before you hand over the responsibility of pleasing you to someone else, make sure you know how to do that yourself.
  • Discover Your Sexual Script: We are conditioned by our families, society, media and friends about sex. Unlearn all of it and figure it out on your own. Let your experiences define your sexual script. If you are faced with sexual blockages or disturbed by certain experiences, reach out to someone you can talk to. Don’t let others define your story and take the control back.
  • Learn to Communicate: A 2017 study found that heterosexual women get fewer orgasms than everyone else. One of the primary reasons cited was that women aren’t vocal about their desires or pleasures. Women suffer from the cultural conditioning that instructs them to please and submit to a man’s desire. You have to take charge of changing that. Most of the men are misinformed about female desire and you need to take the control by explicitly stating if something is or isn’t working, or something you like and you want more. If you can’t articulate your needs, keep in mind that no-one else is going to do it for you.

All of us carry some amount of sexual shame. Slowly and gradually, with self-awareness and mindful sexual practices, we can unburden ourselves of this shame and find our sexual selves. Take it one step at a time and begin moving towards experiencing joy and connection in bed with sexual confidence.

We hope this article on Building Sexual Confidence helps you! Do leave your thoughts in the comments below. For more articles by our Sexual Wellness Expert Pallavi Barnwal, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her LIVE sessions on GOQii Play. You can also connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pallavibarnwalcoach

#BeTheForce 

Disclaimer: Reader discretion is advised. This content is for an older, mature audience who seek to improve their health and wellness. GOQii is not responsible for any misrepresentation of this information.

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