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Understanding Suicidal Thoughts & How to Provide Support

understanding suicidal thoughtsIn the first part of the article, we discussed common myths associated with suicidal thinking. In this article, we look to delve deeper into understanding suicidal thoughts and how you can support a person having suicidal thoughts.

According to Dr. Thomas Joiner, author of the book “Why people die by suicide”, people are motivated to die when two psychological experiences come together. One is “Perceived Burdensomeness”, the perception of being a burden to others. Here people feel that their death would be of more use to others than their life. The word “perception” is key here because the perception of the individual may be distorted by poor mental health or other life experiences.

The second is what he refers to as “Thwarted Belongingness” – the feeling of disconnection from something bigger than themselves. We humans are hardwired to be in relationships and when we lose one or more of the critical relationships in our life, whether it be with a child, partner, parent or colleague or lose a job or get separated, we experience a deep sense of distress that can make death seem desirable.

Thus, suicidal thinking is almost a problem-solving behavior, from the perspective of the person considering it (as uncomfortable as that sounds). Looking at suicide this way does not mean that we endorse suicide, instead it makes it possible for us to empathize with what may be going on with a person considering suicide. They are trying to stop the psychological pain.

Providing Support to a Person Having Suicidal Thoughts

Here are some ways in which we can provide support to people dealing with suicidal ideation:

  • Stop using the term “Committing” with suicide because suicide is a public health crisis and not a criminal act.
  • Let the person know that you care for them and want them safe.
  • If you suspect that they may be suicidal, ask them directly, to establish if they have had suicidal thoughts.
  • Listen to them non-judgmentally, allowing them to express themselves fully and acknowledge the feelings they may be experiencing, even if you don’t agree with their reasoning.
  • Resist the temptation to prove them wrong.
  • Avoid advising them to look at the brighter side of things or advising them to stop being pessimistic. This will only add to their feelings of isolation and distress.
  • Assure them that they are not alone.
  • Provide them support by helping in setting appointments with a professional or spending time with them or doing things with them that may help them feel better.
  • Identify the strengths of the person and factors that contribute to their well-being and resilience, like certain daily practices or relationships, that can be drawn on, to give them hope.
  • Help them to focus on things that help them feel a sense of control.
  • Remove any objects that they could use to harm themselves.

Suicide is a highly complex problem with multiple factors leading to it. Interventions for preventing suicide are not always simple. But it is important to remember that suicide is nearly always preventable and each one of us can play a role. Understanding suicidal thoughts and providing the right support can help us prevent the suicide of a family member, friend, colleague, classmate or neighbor. All it requires is for us to be alert and empathetic.

Know someone who should read this? Share it with them and keep your loved ones close!

#BeTheForce

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Decoding Autism and ADHD

 

You have probably seen movies such as Dustin Hoffman starred ‘Rainman’ and Shah Rukh Khan’s My Name is Khan. In both the films, the male lead protagonists play an autistic adult. Dyslexia, also an issue of learning disorder was beautifully talked about in ‘Amir Khan’s ‘Taare Zameer Par’.  Movies are the best way for common people to understand these medical conditions. Today, on World Autism day, we have tried to decode both Autism and ADHD. 

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can seem similar. Adults and children with these conditions have a problem focusing. They can be impulsive or have a hard time communicating. These individuals are intelligent and only different than the others and in many ways special.

Autism and ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders that impact the same brain functions. Studies have shown that two-thirds of the total affected children with ADHD show autism symptoms too. There is a thin line of difference between their characteristic symptoms, let’s learn about them in detail.

AUTISM – The Isolated Self

The word Autism is derived from a Greek word, ‘autos’ which means ‘self’. Autism can be diagnosed in children as early as 2 years of age and as late as 6-7 years of age. Each autistic child may show different symptoms. You cannot really categorise them into one. It is one of the syndromes that fall under the range of autism spectrum disorders.

Here are some of the distinct characteristics to look out for in an autistic child:

  • They find difficulty in communicating with others
  • They prefer to sit alone or play alone. Finds difficult to make friends.
  • Sensory Dysfunction – cannot stand loud noises, strong smell or flavour.
  • Repetitive Behaviour- Doing or saying the same things over and over again. For example, constantly clap hands.

The cause of Autism is largely genetic. So if diagnosed from start and treated well then it effectively reduces the symptoms.

How Do You Treat Autism?

– Most diagnosis is by the age of 2. Hence, an overall approach therapy- occupational, behavioural, medical, dietary and physical would help them to cope with the environment and other children better.

– Being oversensitive to touch, taste and sight, they tend to become picky eaters. They prefer to eat only a particular food item over and over again making them nutritional deficit. These deficits need to be addressed through supplements under the guidance of a doctor.

– Expose them to different varieties of the same food item. For example, if they eat apple jam, then the child will be open to trying apple pie or apple as a whole fruit.

– Usually, they are sensitive to foods containing casein (milk, paneer, curd), gluten (wheat, barley, oats) or preservatives (packaged food items). Try to eliminate these items one at a time and observe how they respond.

– Once the sensitivity is known, use substitutes for it. For example, in the case of casein, substitute their milk/paneer requirements with soybean milk/ tofu respectively.

– Gut health is compromised with a condition known as Leaky Gut (i.e. Gut is permeable to toxins and bacteria as they get absorbed or “leak” into the bloodstream). Long term studies have shown that bacteria B. Fragilis aids recovery from leaky gut and reduces the autistic syndrome.

– Medical therapy is important. The drugs that are given will not cure autism but will reduce anxiety and depression in the child. This will improve their learning and communication skills and make them more friendly and open.

ADHD

ADHD is seen in both children and adults. It is usually difficult to identify in children before the age of 5. This is because being inattentive and hyperactive are normal traits shown by any toddler or child.

Its symptoms may or may not stand out clearly. Some of the symptoms include:

  • Cannot focus on one task for a long time
  • Difficulty in paying attention in class or in any given activity or discussion
  • Always needs to move around. Cannot sit at one place.
  • Usually responds or answers back without thinking much/ Impulsive behaviour

Along with behavioural therapy, diet also plays an important role in managing ADHD. Studies have shown that a diet high in sugar worsens the hyperactive trait in ADHD children. This is because sugars provide instant energy to the brain, so they tend to overthink, overreact more.

A well-balanced diet including veggies, fruits, complex carbs like high fibre cereals and more of proteins will slowly help in easing the symptoms.

Below is the list of foods to be avoided and included-

Foods to be AVOIDED Foods to be INCLUDED
High sugar-containing foods like candies, cakes, cookies, sweetened chocolates Dark chocolates loaded with berries,

Homemade date (Khajur) rolls or pieces of almonds, raisins. Homemade carrot halwa, sheera

Fried Chips, wafers, ready to eat noodles Roasted Indian snacks like Chivda, bhel.

Plain or less of butter made popcorn.

Roasted peanuts and yellow channa.

Finger foods like sautee paneer, ragi wafers
Flavoured cereals- cornflakes, milk powder mixes. Plain cornflakes – add In bananas, berries.

Dates milkshake, fruit smoothies, yoghurt
Tetra pack fruit juices, colas, soda beverages Cut fruits and make popsicles out of it
Refined products like maida based pasta, pizzas, burgers, junk items Choose whole wheat pizzas with more veggie toppings, make up a salad of the kids choice of veggies and fruits, present veggies inside a chapati roll.

There is no cure for autism and ADHD, but early intervention using skills-training and behaviour modification can yield excellent results.

To understand Autism better, tune into GOQii Play Coach Divya Thampi’s class on ‘Common Myths about Autism Spectrum Disorder‘ tonight at 8:30 PM on the GOQii App.

 

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Empowering Ourselves Against Hopelessness – II

Empowering Practices

What can we do to create an environment of growth and well-being? To build resilience within ourselves and others? To encourage connection and autonomy? Here are few things each of us can do depending upon the roles we play:

  • Invest in relationships

Most people in their 20s, 30s and even in their 40s are busy chasing material wealth along with all the material things that constitute the idea of success in our society. But as mentioned in Part I of this blog, human connection is at the heart of our happiness. To nurture these relationships, try and plan for time with your friends and family, listen deeply and use every opportunity to tell your loved ones how much you love them, not just because it will make them happy but also because it may remind people that they are not alone after all. You never know what magic your words and actions set off.

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  • Disconnect from social media

Spending a few hours on social media every now and then, every day, may seem like a harmless habit. But it is harmful in more ways than one. One of the more obvious effects of social media is that by its very nature it compels you to compare yourself with others, leaving most users feeling inadequate, isolated and unhappy. Secondly, social media aims to encourage the behaviour of seeking validation. Once you become dependent on external validation, it is almost impossible to experience any peace of mind or keep up your motivation to get through important tasks on your own. Thirdly the only way for social media companies to leverage these virtual platforms is by ensuring that people use it often and for longer periods of time – these platforms are designed to be addictive.

If you haven’t realised it already, then you would like to know that our capability to focus and pay unwavering attention to the tasks we do, is the single most important skill that allows us to grow and progress in our personal and professional life. Consequently, social media when used indiscreetly can strip us of this valuable ability to focus, learn and grow. Use it with care.

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  • Take care of your body

Body is the only home you have– Mind and body are connected and your body is designed to be used for tasks that activate the muscles. Today’s sedentary lifestyle is hazardous for your health. Imagine a fully powered sports car sitting in the garage. What would happen to it if it is never taken for a ride? It would rust, deteriorate and even become non-functional after a few years. We are no different. The mantra “use it or lose it” is quite apt when it comes to our physical fitness.

Get moving – do yoga, go for walks, hit the gym, play a sport, engage in domestic chores, join a trek, practice dance – do whatever it takes because those muscles and joints need the movement to keep you not just physically but also mentally fit. Besides strengthening the body, physical exercise also helps your brain release endorphins which makes your mind sharper, improves your memory and makes you feel good about yourself.

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  • Connect with yourself every day

Personal and professional responsibilities, big and small, leave most of us with precious little time for ourselves and whatever little time we do get, gets used up in checking messages, watching mindless TV, browsing the internet or surfing the social media sites. One of the reasons why a lot of us feel disconnected despite being so connected through technology is because we don’t etch out time for introspection – there’s no time to reflect on our daily experiences.

Just like each of us schedules time for personal hygiene, it is important that we make time for emotional and mental hygiene each day. It will not only help us to feel grounded but will also help us to learn and grow as the days come and go, rather than life passing us by in a blur. If possible maintain a notebook to jot down your thoughts about the important events of the day before going to bed or then just do a quick mental review, without getting drawn into over-analysis. Daily practices of mindfulness, even for 20 minutes a day, go a long way toward helping us sleep better and experience a sense of peace.

  • Explore your interests and strengths

Each of us has come into this world with our unique strengths, talents and skills and our most important duty in this lifetime is to use and hone those gifts productively because that’s the only way we can truly and authentically contribute to the world. Pay attention to the tasks that you find interesting and easy to do. These have to be things where you bring something into the world or something that helps your mind grow. Playing video games and watching Television doesn’t count!

Whatever activity it may be, it doesn’t matter whether others consider it valuable or not. These may include doodling, dancing, writing poetry, making origami, acting, compiling letters, writing articles, sketching, painting, growing mushrooms, training or grooming pets or a million other things that you can choose from. Whatever it is, just spend some time doing it and getting better at it every day; if not every day then every other day. Once again, if you don’t schedule time, you will never find the time. Spending even 10 minutes every day in your area of interest/strength is better than waiting for the day when you have 2 hours to spare for that activity. With this simple change, you will find yourself blossoming in ways you didn’t imagine possible!

  • Set goals

“Dreams don’t come true, goals do”

We could keep dreaming about a better life and not a thing would change unless we get up and take action. Goals do just that, they push you into action; they remind you about things that are important to you, they awaken you to the reality of time slipping through your fingers. How many times have you thought that you want to learn something only to realise that even 5 years down the line you haven’t taken any initiative towards the learning? Or you said you want to be a morning person and find yourself waking up after 8 am day after day? Just wishing that your circumstances would change will not cut it. Our mind requires a timeline, clarity, measurability and a constant reminder. Set goals for anything that’s important to you, be it relationships, art, work, interest or a lifestyle. And make sure that these goals are YOURS and not set because others think it is important for you. When there is a purpose to your day, you will see yourself get more effective, efficient and happier.

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  • Learn to say “no”

I recently had a client who was unhappy because he just could not walk up to people and say what was on his mind. He would keep worrying that he would be taking up their valuable against their will. After some more discussion, it became apparent that the root cause of this challenge was that he himself would never turn away people who made excessive demands on his time.

Innumerable people who feel taken for granted or unvalued do so because they inadvertently end up making themselves available for every small need that others have. Partly our culture may be to blame for this ingrained habit of putting others’ needs ahead of ours. This is not to say that you should selfishly cater only to your own needs, but just like you take care to respect others’ time and needs, you must practice respect for your own needs and time.

Once the consciousness sets in that you always have the option of saying “no” to a request, it will become easier to practice it. Start with smaller requests and before you agree to anything check with yourself if you are also being considerate to yourself. Setting boundaries without a doubt is a significant way in which we can improve our sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

We all aspire to live happy meaningful lives and do not consciously choose to be miserable. At the same time, difficulties and disappointments are an integral part of life. Ending one’s life is not just a random decision people arrive at, rather it is a desperate act resulting from acknowledged and unacknowledged fears, anxieties, disappointments and a hoard of other emotions that may feel overwhelming.

People need to be empowered to understand the fundamentals of living a meaningful life and be equipped to deal with their internal turmoil. It is important to watch out for any signs of abnormal behaviour in our loved ones and let them know that we are available in case they need to speak or just need company. Some empathy, thoughtfulness and gentle care go a long way in bringing people back from the clutches of isolation. Despite that, if someone feels trapped then they should be able to reach out for help from a professional counsellor or psychologist and we must encourage our loved ones to seek help when required.

Like they say ‘charity begins at home’ and hence each of us first needs to focus on living a healthy life ourselves because the important people in our lives are watching and learning from us. We are far more influential than we think, let us infect others with our empowering ways!

 

 

 

 

 

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Empowering Ourselves Against Hopelessness – I

What makes life meaningful?

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News about a school child who just called it quits or a financially troubled couple who decided to give it all up or then a 70-year old who reached the dismal decision to end her life seems to be commonplace these days. It doesn’t surprise us anymore to know that yet another person has resorted to suicide. The ever-increasing number of deaths due to suicide is not just alarming and confounding but also calls for immediate action from individuals, families, organisations and societies at large because it is starting to look like we as a society has lost our moorings.

So what drives people to the brink of such hopelessness? Why do people conclude that only death can save them from their misery? The reasons expressed by the people, before they take this step, are hugely varied; from not scoring high enough marks to feeling like a misfit, to being overcome by a general sense of meaninglessness, the reasons are many. But is there something more fundamental we may be missing? Let’s delve a little deeper…

We know for sure that anyone who decides to end their lives has to be deeply unhappy. Instead of looking at all the reasons why a person may be unhappy, let’s start by looking at what makes people happy. Here, by using the term “happiness” I am not referring to momentary feelings of pleasure but to a sustained sense of well-being despite the challenges that life throws at you.

There are 3 significant contributors to our overall sense of wellbeing and to our feeling of engagement in life. In his book “Drive”, the well-known author Daniel Pink talks about three factors which have a significant impact on an individual’s intrinsic motivation. They are:

  1. Autonomy
  2. Purpose and
  3. Mastery

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  1. Autonomy – This refers to the freedom to live life on one’s own terms. It is having the ability to make choices as per one’s will (Whether this choice is real or imagined is irrelevant). To understand “Autonomy” better, let’s look at some examples. Autonomy is about the freedom to make significant life choices like what job to take up, whom to marry, where to reside, where to invest one’s money, but it is not limited to these choices. Enjoying the liberty to take day to day and moment to moment decisions like what to wear, what to have for breakfast, whether to exercise or not, how to spend our leisure time etc., goes a long way in establishing our sense of autonomy. The need for autonomy is hardwired in humans and whenever we feel forced to do something against our will, we feel oppressed. This sense of coercion that makes us unhappy may be external or even internal. For instance, when we do things out of a sense of guilt, that feels like a lack of autonomy too and lack of autonomy is one of the most important factors leading to dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Life, of course, doesn’t allow us to live a completely autonomous life because each of us is part of a larger community and compromises are an integral part of community living. However, when we feel that we are largely in charge of our lives, it gives us a sense of satisfaction and happiness, while the lack of it leaves us feeling deeply dissatisfied.
  1. Purpose – When we have a purpose in life we have something to believe in and work towards, which is larger and more important than ourselves. Purpose drives us to persist even in the face of what may seem like an insurmountable challenge and keeps us grounded. When our sense of purpose is strong we often willingly surrender our autonomy and do things we do not enjoy, to progress towards that purpose. Parents may be willing to keep their preferences aside to help move towards their own purpose of helping their child have a better life or an actor may sacrifice opportunities to make money, so as to work towards her purpose of doing great work.

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  1. Mastery – Mastery is the desire to improve. When we work towards improving a skill through learning and practising, we are working towards mastery. Mastery again requires us to be committed, to overcome obstacles, to practice perseverance and consciously correct our course and practice a skill. For an athlete who is working towards becoming a better runner, her daily improvement gives her a higher sense of fulfilment that does the appreciation and recognition from others. Mastery in itself motivates people to do well and as the mastery in any area of one’s life goes up, it has a knock-on effect on the other parts of their lives and raises their self-esteem. It goes without saying that self-esteem is at the heart of a meaningful and well-lived life.

There’s a fourth aspect which is critical to our happiness, especially when we live as part of a community and that is the connection we have with others.

  1. Relationship with others – A 75 year-long Harvard study on Human happiness, that involved studying the lives of 724 men from the time they were in their early teens up until the time that they reached the ripe old age of 80s and 90s, threw up a very interesting statistic, with regards to happiness. The study established that the single most important factor when it comes to happiness and health is the relationships in our lives. The study found that people who were more socially connected to friends, family and community were happier, physically healthier and lived longer. So, it is not about how many friends you have or whether you are in a committed relationship but about the quality of the close relationships in your life.

As you can see, all these four factors namely Autonomy, Purpose, Mastery and Relationships are interconnected and each has a significant role in contributing to our overall sense of balance and well-being. The absence of any of these factors may foster feelings of oppression, aimlessness, disconnection or a sense of inadequacy or then a combination of all/some of these. These missing pieces leave people feeling like rudderless boats and drive one to take extreme steps to end the feeling of desolation.

(But there is hope and we talk about the steps we can take to live more meaningful lives in Part II of this blog.)

 

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