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Understanding Suicidal Thoughts & How to Provide Support

understanding suicidal thoughtsIn the first part of the article, we discussed common myths associated with suicidal thinking. In this article, we look to delve deeper into understanding suicidal thoughts and how you can support a person having suicidal thoughts.

According to Dr. Thomas Joiner, author of the book “Why people die by suicide”, people are motivated to die when two psychological experiences come together. One is “Perceived Burdensomeness”, the perception of being a burden to others. Here people feel that their death would be of more use to others than their life. The word “perception” is key here because the perception of the individual may be distorted by poor mental health or other life experiences.

The second is what he refers to as “Thwarted Belongingness” – the feeling of disconnection from something bigger than themselves. We humans are hardwired to be in relationships and when we lose one or more of the critical relationships in our life, whether it be with a child, partner, parent or colleague or lose a job or get separated, we experience a deep sense of distress that can make death seem desirable.

Thus, suicidal thinking is almost a problem-solving behavior, from the perspective of the person considering it (as uncomfortable as that sounds). Looking at suicide this way does not mean that we endorse suicide, instead it makes it possible for us to empathize with what may be going on with a person considering suicide. They are trying to stop the psychological pain.

Providing Support to a Person Having Suicidal Thoughts

Here are some ways in which we can provide support to people dealing with suicidal ideation:

  • Stop using the term “Committing” with suicide because suicide is a public health crisis and not a criminal act.
  • Let the person know that you care for them and want them safe.
  • If you suspect that they may be suicidal, ask them directly, to establish if they have had suicidal thoughts.
  • Listen to them non-judgmentally, allowing them to express themselves fully and acknowledge the feelings they may be experiencing, even if you don’t agree with their reasoning.
  • Resist the temptation to prove them wrong.
  • Avoid advising them to look at the brighter side of things or advising them to stop being pessimistic. This will only add to their feelings of isolation and distress.
  • Assure them that they are not alone.
  • Provide them support by helping in setting appointments with a professional or spending time with them or doing things with them that may help them feel better.
  • Identify the strengths of the person and factors that contribute to their well-being and resilience, like certain daily practices or relationships, that can be drawn on, to give them hope.
  • Help them to focus on things that help them feel a sense of control.
  • Remove any objects that they could use to harm themselves.

Suicide is a highly complex problem with multiple factors leading to it. Interventions for preventing suicide are not always simple. But it is important to remember that suicide is nearly always preventable and each one of us can play a role. Understanding suicidal thoughts and providing the right support can help us prevent the suicide of a family member, friend, colleague, classmate or neighbor. All it requires is for us to be alert and empathetic.

Know someone who should read this? Share it with them and keep your loved ones close!

#BeTheForce

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Decoding Autism and ADHD

 

You have probably seen movies such as Dustin Hoffman starred ‘Rainman’ and Shah Rukh Khan’s My Name is Khan. In both the films, the male lead protagonists play an autistic adult. Dyslexia, also an issue of learning disorder was beautifully talked about in ‘Amir Khan’s ‘Taare Zameer Par’.  Movies are the best way for common people to understand these medical conditions. Today, on World Autism day, we have tried to decode both Autism and ADHD. 

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can seem similar. Adults and children with these conditions have a problem focusing. They can be impulsive or have a hard time communicating. These individuals are intelligent and only different than the others and in many ways special.

Autism and ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders that impact the same brain functions. Studies have shown that two-thirds of the total affected children with ADHD show autism symptoms too. There is a thin line of difference between their characteristic symptoms, let’s learn about them in detail.

AUTISM – The Isolated Self

The word Autism is derived from a Greek word, ‘autos’ which means ‘self’. Autism can be diagnosed in children as early as 2 years of age and as late as 6-7 years of age. Each autistic child may show different symptoms. You cannot really categorise them into one. It is one of the syndromes that fall under the range of autism spectrum disorders.

Here are some of the distinct characteristics to look out for in an autistic child:

  • They find difficulty in communicating with others
  • They prefer to sit alone or play alone. Finds difficult to make friends.
  • Sensory Dysfunction – cannot stand loud noises, strong smell or flavour.
  • Repetitive Behaviour- Doing or saying the same things over and over again. For example, constantly clap hands.

The cause of Autism is largely genetic. So if diagnosed from start and treated well then it effectively reduces the symptoms.

How Do You Treat Autism?

– Most diagnosis is by the age of 2. Hence, an overall approach therapy- occupational, behavioural, medical, dietary and physical would help them to cope with the environment and other children better.

– Being oversensitive to touch, taste and sight, they tend to become picky eaters. They prefer to eat only a particular food item over and over again making them nutritional deficit. These deficits need to be addressed through supplements under the guidance of a doctor.

– Expose them to different varieties of the same food item. For example, if they eat apple jam, then the child will be open to trying apple pie or apple as a whole fruit.

– Usually, they are sensitive to foods containing casein (milk, paneer, curd), gluten (wheat, barley, oats) or preservatives (packaged food items). Try to eliminate these items one at a time and observe how they respond.

– Once the sensitivity is known, use substitutes for it. For example, in the case of casein, substitute their milk/paneer requirements with soybean milk/ tofu respectively.

– Gut health is compromised with a condition known as Leaky Gut (i.e. Gut is permeable to toxins and bacteria as they get absorbed or “leak” into the bloodstream). Long term studies have shown that bacteria B. Fragilis aids recovery from leaky gut and reduces the autistic syndrome.

– Medical therapy is important. The drugs that are given will not cure autism but will reduce anxiety and depression in the child. This will improve their learning and communication skills and make them more friendly and open.

ADHD

ADHD is seen in both children and adults. It is usually difficult to identify in children before the age of 5. This is because being inattentive and hyperactive are normal traits shown by any toddler or child.

Its symptoms may or may not stand out clearly. Some of the symptoms include:

  • Cannot focus on one task for a long time
  • Difficulty in paying attention in class or in any given activity or discussion
  • Always needs to move around. Cannot sit at one place.
  • Usually responds or answers back without thinking much/ Impulsive behaviour

Along with behavioural therapy, diet also plays an important role in managing ADHD. Studies have shown that a diet high in sugar worsens the hyperactive trait in ADHD children. This is because sugars provide instant energy to the brain, so they tend to overthink, overreact more.

A well-balanced diet including veggies, fruits, complex carbs like high fibre cereals and more of proteins will slowly help in easing the symptoms.

Below is the list of foods to be avoided and included-

Foods to be AVOIDED Foods to be INCLUDED
High sugar-containing foods like candies, cakes, cookies, sweetened chocolates Dark chocolates loaded with berries,

Homemade date (Khajur) rolls or pieces of almonds, raisins. Homemade carrot halwa, sheera

Fried Chips, wafers, ready to eat noodles Roasted Indian snacks like Chivda, bhel.

Plain or less of butter made popcorn.

Roasted peanuts and yellow channa.

Finger foods like sautee paneer, ragi wafers
Flavoured cereals- cornflakes, milk powder mixes. Plain cornflakes – add In bananas, berries.

Dates milkshake, fruit smoothies, yoghurt
Tetra pack fruit juices, colas, soda beverages Cut fruits and make popsicles out of it
Refined products like maida based pasta, pizzas, burgers, junk items Choose whole wheat pizzas with more veggie toppings, make up a salad of the kids choice of veggies and fruits, present veggies inside a chapati roll.

There is no cure for autism and ADHD, but early intervention using skills-training and behaviour modification can yield excellent results.

To understand Autism better, tune into GOQii Play Coach Divya Thampi’s class on ‘Common Myths about Autism Spectrum Disorder‘ tonight at 8:30 PM on the GOQii App.

 

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How to Deal With Body Shaming

How to Deal With Body Shaming
Society is not making it easy to accept our bodies as they are. Body-shaming (criticizing yourself or others because of some aspect of physical appearance) can lead to a vicious cycle of judgment and criticism. The insensitivity has risen to a level where people don’t even mind making fun of someone’s body type!

Today’s generation does not see anything wrong in ‘voicing their opinions’, regardless of the fact that these opinions can actually hurt someone. Most of the young girls and boys today are scared of becoming ‘fat,’ and therefore do crash dieting, eat a low-carb diet – failing to understand that their bodies are in the growth phase, need more carbs-proteins for growth and dieting means a completely different thing! It has also been seen that kids as young as 10-12 years are now worried about the way they look and their ‘size’!

Shockingly, some people believe that making a person feel ashamed of their bodies is a good way of motivating them to transform themselves, and that they will work even harder to achieve it and the sad part is that some people will sham you just for fun!

If someone is unhealthy, telling them how to change that, showing them how they can become fit, and encouraging them to achieve what they desire is the right way, rather than just criticizing them or making fun of them. Discrimination, singling out, and shaming only causes stress and makes any person feel bad. If someone is already overweight/underweight, this attitude can actually stress them out!

Body shaming can cause depression, eating disorders such as Anorexia Nervosa or binge eating and reduced self-esteem. Here are some tips to avoid body shaming and to silence body shamers as well!

  • Ignore Negativity
    Stay away from negative influences or people who make you feel uncomfortable entirely. People like these usually thrive on your discomfort and misery. Trying to correct them or make them see your journey/life situation is absolutely futile.
  • Stand Up For Yourself
    Next time when someone makes fun of your looks or mocks you, don’t just withdraw into a shell, speak out against it. Express what is going on inside your mind. Stand up against body shaming. Remember, your motive isn’t to humiliate them, but to make them aware of the negativity of their attitude and the implications of their ‘shaming’ on those affected.
  • Find The Real Issues
    Sit down and take some time to think about the real issues that are bothering you. Why are you in this situation? What is it that you want to change and why is that change not happening? Many a times, there may be factors beyond your control that are affecting your efforts. Accept and admit the reality of the situation. If it’s something that is beyond your control, don’t stress on it but move on in life.
  • Share It – Talk About It
    Don’t just bottle it up inside! Express the emotion to move through it. Speaking with someone you trust will help you tide over an unpleasant situation. Talking is nature’s antidote to stress. Keeping it inside you will only weaken you further, and destroy your inner motivation.
  • Do Something That Makes You Happy
    Go for a walk, talk to a friend, have a healthy dinner! Controlling food with good dietary habits, living a better lifestyle and regular exercise are better coping mechanisms that have helped people over decades to feel good, and ultimately bring the changes they wish to see in themselves. Always divert yourself to something more useful.

The way to end body shaming is not a difficult task, it is simply just keeping your opinion to yourself and letting everyone live in peace. Love yourself for who you are and let others do the same thing. Do remember this is your own journey, and you need to be your own well-wisher and guide.

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Empowering Ourselves Against Hopelessness – I

What makes life meaningful?

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News about a school child who just called it quits or a financially troubled couple who decided to give it all up or then a 70-year old who reached the dismal decision to end her life seems to be commonplace these days. It doesn’t surprise us anymore to know that yet another person has resorted to suicide. The ever-increasing number of deaths due to suicide is not just alarming and confounding but also calls for immediate action from individuals, families, organisations and societies at large because it is starting to look like we as a society has lost our moorings.

So what drives people to the brink of such hopelessness? Why do people conclude that only death can save them from their misery? The reasons expressed by the people, before they take this step, are hugely varied; from not scoring high enough marks to feeling like a misfit, to being overcome by a general sense of meaninglessness, the reasons are many. But is there something more fundamental we may be missing? Let’s delve a little deeper…

We know for sure that anyone who decides to end their lives has to be deeply unhappy. Instead of looking at all the reasons why a person may be unhappy, let’s start by looking at what makes people happy. Here, by using the term “happiness” I am not referring to momentary feelings of pleasure but to a sustained sense of well-being despite the challenges that life throws at you.

There are 3 significant contributors to our overall sense of wellbeing and to our feeling of engagement in life. In his book “Drive”, the well-known author Daniel Pink talks about three factors which have a significant impact on an individual’s intrinsic motivation. They are:

  1. Autonomy
  2. Purpose and
  3. Mastery

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  1. Autonomy – This refers to the freedom to live life on one’s own terms. It is having the ability to make choices as per one’s will (Whether this choice is real or imagined is irrelevant). To understand “Autonomy” better, let’s look at some examples. Autonomy is about the freedom to make significant life choices like what job to take up, whom to marry, where to reside, where to invest one’s money, but it is not limited to these choices. Enjoying the liberty to take day to day and moment to moment decisions like what to wear, what to have for breakfast, whether to exercise or not, how to spend our leisure time etc., goes a long way in establishing our sense of autonomy. The need for autonomy is hardwired in humans and whenever we feel forced to do something against our will, we feel oppressed. This sense of coercion that makes us unhappy may be external or even internal. For instance, when we do things out of a sense of guilt, that feels like a lack of autonomy too and lack of autonomy is one of the most important factors leading to dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Life, of course, doesn’t allow us to live a completely autonomous life because each of us is part of a larger community and compromises are an integral part of community living. However, when we feel that we are largely in charge of our lives, it gives us a sense of satisfaction and happiness, while the lack of it leaves us feeling deeply dissatisfied.
  1. Purpose – When we have a purpose in life we have something to believe in and work towards, which is larger and more important than ourselves. Purpose drives us to persist even in the face of what may seem like an insurmountable challenge and keeps us grounded. When our sense of purpose is strong we often willingly surrender our autonomy and do things we do not enjoy, to progress towards that purpose. Parents may be willing to keep their preferences aside to help move towards their own purpose of helping their child have a better life or an actor may sacrifice opportunities to make money, so as to work towards her purpose of doing great work.

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  1. Mastery – Mastery is the desire to improve. When we work towards improving a skill through learning and practising, we are working towards mastery. Mastery again requires us to be committed, to overcome obstacles, to practice perseverance and consciously correct our course and practice a skill. For an athlete who is working towards becoming a better runner, her daily improvement gives her a higher sense of fulfilment that does the appreciation and recognition from others. Mastery in itself motivates people to do well and as the mastery in any area of one’s life goes up, it has a knock-on effect on the other parts of their lives and raises their self-esteem. It goes without saying that self-esteem is at the heart of a meaningful and well-lived life.

There’s a fourth aspect which is critical to our happiness, especially when we live as part of a community and that is the connection we have with others.

  1. Relationship with others – A 75 year-long Harvard study on Human happiness, that involved studying the lives of 724 men from the time they were in their early teens up until the time that they reached the ripe old age of 80s and 90s, threw up a very interesting statistic, with regards to happiness. The study established that the single most important factor when it comes to happiness and health is the relationships in our lives. The study found that people who were more socially connected to friends, family and community were happier, physically healthier and lived longer. So, it is not about how many friends you have or whether you are in a committed relationship but about the quality of the close relationships in your life.

As you can see, all these four factors namely Autonomy, Purpose, Mastery and Relationships are interconnected and each has a significant role in contributing to our overall sense of balance and well-being. The absence of any of these factors may foster feelings of oppression, aimlessness, disconnection or a sense of inadequacy or then a combination of all/some of these. These missing pieces leave people feeling like rudderless boats and drive one to take extreme steps to end the feeling of desolation.

(But there is hope and we talk about the steps we can take to live more meaningful lives in Part II of this blog.)

 

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