December 9, 2022 By Pallavi Barnwal Leave a Comment

Mindful Sex Practices

The fast-paced life has left most of us exhausted, stressed, and disconnected, and most of us attempt sex under these unfriendly conditions. Immediately after sex, most couples rush for their smartphones and sex timing is cut short to quick foreplay and ejaculation. It is difficult for our monkey minds to stay present and shut off all outside distractions. Such sex is unlikely to generate any intimacy, connection, and stronger orgasms. I have been through this nightmarish journey most of my life until I experienced a glimpse of divine lovemaking with a man. The synchronicity of our orgasms, the chants I sang as he thrust inside me, and the power I gained in my being as I rode on him with full confidence; all came from a deep work from within on my self and the man, that involved a blend of meditation, bodywork, and liberating conversations. Yes, this will take time but bedazzled by this experience, I am motivated to share some simple mindful sex practices that can begin the transformation of your intimate life with your partner. Run through the list, practice, and let me know your experience!

Mindful Sex Practices

Embodied Movement: Most of us are so disconnected from our bodies; wearing tight clothes, spending most of our time sitting and unhealthy eating habits, all take us away from our bodies. It is important to drop in our own bodies and feel each cell, each pore of your being before you start to receive pleasure. This embodied movement brings you back to your home, your body. Start by standing tall, feet rooted, and taking a deep breath. Turn on music that matches your current mood and dance it out, feeling the motion move through your body. Then shift to music that matches how you want to feel and repeat.
Relationship Agreements: There is a lot of unresolved, unspoken angst and resentment between couples which they bring out at the most unrelated occasions. Sometimes a seed of thought stokes an entire mental film where the person goes into unfounded imagination, a chain of destructive thoughts. All of this negatively impacts harmony in your relationship and eventually, sex takes a backseat. In order to avoid this, strive to form small relationship agreements that are doable, and can be discussed without hurting the ego of the other person. Choose 1-2 things you want to work on and set up a rule. Some examples: whenever one of you will talk about your inner feelings, the other person will not judge and will be compassionate; when you wake up in the early morning, give each other a nice hug; no phones at the dinner table (or in the bedroom), consciously give each other personal space. Express Gratitude. Sit, stand, or lie facing each other and holding hands or embracing. Take turns saying “I’m grateful for…” Continue until you both feel everything has been said.
Eye Gazing: Keep eye contact with your partner during sex. You can be touching each other or in any sex position. Giggles and laughter are totally welcome. Try this daily for deeper connection and to shift out of your head and into the present moment.
Connection with Heart Chakra: First, breathe into the center of your chest – your heart. If you are struggling to stay present, imagine breath and light going into your heart. These are shallower breaths so be mindful of doing this. Then connect your breasts with their chest – give their heart some physical love by massaging, cupping, pulling, and generally loving on their breasts.
Sensate Focus: Use your monkey mind to notice all the sensual things happening. What are 5 things you see? Taste? Feel? Hear? Smell? Can you notice where exactly the hand of your partner is on your body as they are exploring you? What kind of sensation do you feel? This practice enhances our sensory experience and we are able to feel fully all the pleasure that is received by our body.
Tantra Breath: Take a deep inhale and exhale with sound ‘ha’. Sounds create internal vibrations in our body and take the energy up from lower chakras to higher chakras. Something you can practice with a partner and take into sex. The sound should be deep but not high-pitched. As you get closer to orgasm, deepen your breath and breathe into your genitals. Any sounds you’re making will take you deeper into the higher realms of lovemaking experience.
Chant As You Reach Orgasms: You can pick any mantra, (my favorite is om, omkar). Sex is this profound oneness, the union of masculine with the feminine, the arc of energy that travels from the masculine, emissive pole to the female, receiving pole. Through our chanting, we merge our personal consciousness momentarily with the infinite consciousness that is our origin and our destiny. It is the drop of water finding its way back into the ocean from which it came. Chanting raises your physical lovemaking experience to spiritual dimensions.

I have tried all of this and surely, this has transcended our physical pleasure to a spiritual, universal dimension. We feel as if the entire universe is in love with us and so do we. It is a divine experience, a symbol of indissoluble unity of pleasure and emptiness.

We hope this article on Mindful Sex Practices helps you! Do leave your thoughts in the comments below. For more articles by our Sexual Wellness Expert Pallavi Barnwal, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her sessions on GOQii Play.

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Disclaimer: Reader discretion is advised. This content is for an older, mature audience who seek to improve their health and wellness. GOQii is not responsible for any misrepresentation of this information.

October 30, 2020 By Pallavi Barnwal Leave a Comment

How Often Should You Have Sex?

Men often ask me, how much sex should we be having? Can there be a number answer to it? Like thrice a week, once a week, and so on. Sex works for different people in different ways. It’s the classic chicken and egg dilemma. What comes first – happiness or frequent sex? For some people, frequent sex is what makes them happier in the relationship, whereas for others, happiness and the connection is a precondition to feeling desirous of having sex.

It’s Not An Easy Situation.

I know how painful it can be to steer through, how often to have sex. Getting turned down for it, or having to turn your partner down, is hard for couples even in a stable relationship. When the relationship is fragile due to fighting or communication problems, it can be even more problematic.

Throwing out an overly simplistic rule like “have sex thrice a week” doesn’t help matters much. There are three main reasons why I don’t support this thrice-a-week standard:

I’ve seen the stifling effects that these kind of rules and instructions can have on couples. We get bombarded by so many advices about what we’re “supposed” to do when it comes to sex (“be sexy but not too much for her”, “wait for him to initiate”, “try this position, this toy, this technique”, etc). Throwing another arbitrary rule on the table only makes the couple feel more anxiety. It means indirectly that they’re not “normal” or not measuring up and this can cripple the overall morale of the couple.

This general advice overlooks the individual reasons the couple is struggling with their sex life in the first place. The couple may have a power struggle or relationship issues that is manifesting in their bedroom. One partner might be going through biological changes that are affecting their arousal levels. The sex that they’re having may be so unpleasant/monotonous that one partner starts withdrawing. Someone might be carrying scars of past sexual abuse. The possibilities are endless, and each couple needs individualized attention rather than canned one-size-fits-all advice.

I firmly believe that the process of negotiating a sexual relationship that feels authentic, flexible, and connected is one of the most enriching experiences a couple can go through. The opportunities for personal and relational growth are immense.

So there’s no set-in-stone rule for how often couples should have sex. What’s much more important than forcing yourself to sleep together an arbitrary number of times is to find ways to talk about and work on your sex life together.

We hope this article helps you! For more on sexual wellness, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to LIVE sessions by our sexual wellness expert Pallavi Barnwal on GOQii Play. You can also connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pallavibarnwalcoach

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April 19, 2019 By Dr. Viral Thakkar Leave a Comment

Epitome of Climax: The Big “O” Part II

I believe that a good night’s sleep, A good laugh and an exhilarating orgasm can solve humanity’s problems (not technically! But I hope you get my message!) None of us need to be convinced to make love and orgasm. We all accept and love that feeling! Having an orgasm could help improve your health as well!

In the Vedic texts, having a good and satisfying sex life is a prerequisite to reach higher spiritual realms. The Khajuraho temples depict that one can get the most from the energized temples if one is completely ‘over’ other needs and desires, including making love.

Apart from the said spiritual gains, a good and satisfying sex life has numerous other benefits too!

Having an orgasm is fun and that’s it! If a good one can bring in some happiness, which in turn impacts other aspects of a human’s life, then one must go for it!

Benefits of an Orgasm

Stress Relief: Having an orgasm releases Oxytocin, the relaxing hormone. It also stimulates feelings of warmth and relaxation. The part of the brain associated with fear and anxiety, shows little to no activity. And hence the “ahaah” feeling.
Building a Relationship: Pleasuring your partner by making love is critical among many other aspects as well. A number of psychosomatic disorders are linked to unsatisfied or unwanted sexual life.
Relieving Pain: Orgasms lead to Neurotransmissions which reduce the feeling of pain. This includes pain from arthritis and pain after surgery. According to research, women’s pain tolerance and pain detection increased by 74.6 percent and 106.7 percent respectively, when those women masturbated to orgasm.
Better Skin: Ever seen that glow on the face of people who are in love? The feeling of being in love and cherished is also felt by people who orgasm. You will feel happy, loved and cherished inside which will reflect on your skin tone too!

What can you do to Orgasm?

While the actual ‘act’ matters to reach the O, a number of other random factors impact it too.

A few things to do before THE ACT

While I do not want to emphasize that you plan, but just be aware of what your partner wants. Does he/she likes it when you hug or kiss? Or does a simple “I love you” works? Does he/she like it romantic? Remember, pleasuring your partner many times will lead you to your own pleasure as well. And needless to say, it helps build your relationship.
Communicate: Ask what your partner likes and tell what you like.
Take a few mindful moments to decompress from your day. Focusing on being present with your partner will make you more likely to Orgasm.
Enjoy. Yes, sex is for procreation, but it is to have fun too! Be in the mood & go for it.
It is said that the chances of a healthy sex life largely depends on your equation with your partner. If you love them, the better your chances are of orgasming. So the one night stands might not always lead to the gratification you are looking for!
It might seem like your orgasm is your partner’s responsibility (and let’s be honest, having the moves definitely contributes), but researchers have also found that your sense of self-esteem and satisfaction with your body is a huge contributing factor. So be happy with yourself, with the body you have and go for it!
Eat foods which increase the heat in the body, like garlic, onions, potatoes, broccoli, nuts, etc. are known to increase the libido.

Do you have any queries? Want to know more about orgasms? Let us know in the comments below!

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April 18, 2019 By Dr. Viral Thakkar 1 Comment

Epitome of Climax: The Big “O”

What is an Orgasm?

The climax of coitus, the mountaintop of making love and the ultimate, the almighty orgasm! Yes! This is what this article is about. You will agree that the pleasure of an orgasm is so heightened, it is difficult to know what is happening; but knowing what’s going on inside of us may heighten that.

Orgasm is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region of men and women. It is controlled by the involuntary or autonomic nervous system & associated with other involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, a general euphoric sensation and, frequently, body movements and vocalizations due to intense pleasure.

How Does it Happen?

I believe it is extremely essential to be attracted to your partner before indulging in any sexual activity. In fact, I would go ahead and say, indulge only if you love the person, else do not! More about this in another article.

If you are in this wonderful state, the continual stimulation of erogenous zones, such as the genitals, anus, nipples, or perineum by your partner might lead to an orgasm. Many believe that orgasms actually happen in the brain. Hence, one can reach an orgasm through masturbation as well. Physiologically, orgasms occur following two basic responses to continual stimulation:

Vasocongestion: The process whereby body tissues fill up with blood, swelling in size as a result
Myotonia: The process whereby muscles tense, including both voluntary flexing and involuntary contracting

If you thought having an orgasm is just a minute’s game, then you are in for a surprise. The body undergoes a long process to reach that state through the sexual response cycle, which is the sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a person becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, including intercourse and masturbation.

Phase 1: Excitement

As the name suggests, this is the stage when you blush and breath heavily in the hope of your coitus. In this stage:

Skin may become flushed
Muscle tension will increase
Heart rate quickens and breathing is accelerated
Nipples become hardened or erect
Vaginal lubrication begins
Blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the man’s penis
The woman’s breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell
The man’s testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting a lubricating liquid

Phase 2: Plateau

This is the phase when you are about to get an orgasm, but haven’t yet! The part of the brain that controls sensations – the primary somatosensory cortex – sees an increase in activity and the parts of the brain that control alertness and anxiety – the amygdala and hippocampus – dropped off.

Several other areas of the prefrontal cortex all show a decrease in activity. In other words, having an orgasm shuts the parts of your brain that make you worry. No wonder all of mankind is crazy about having orgasams! It’s a great stress buster! It’s in the way our bodies are built!

The general characteristics in this stage are:

The changes of phase 1 are intensified
The vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn a dark purple
The woman’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive (may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis
The man’s testicles are withdrawn up into the scrotum
Breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure continue to increase
Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands
Muscle tension increases

Phase 3: Orgasm

The climax – It is the shortest of the phases and generally lasts only a few seconds. Both sexes feel the contractions in a variety of places from the head (that explains funny faces) to the feet (that explains clenched toes). You cannot control these contractions as they are involuntary and cannot be contained… kind of like when you sneeze. The loss of control can be messy, but it is ultimately why we enjoy our orgasms so much.

General characteristics of this phase include the following:

Involuntary muscle contractions begin
Blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen
Muscles in the feet spasm
There is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension
In women, the muscles of the vagina contract. The uterus also undergoes rhythmic contractions
In men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis results in the ejaculation of semen

Phase 4: Resolution

This is the feeling of “Oh my! What was that?” In this stage, the man enters a temporary recovery phase where further orgasms are not possible. This is known as the refractory period, and its length varies from person to person. It can last from a few minutes to a few days, and this period generally grows longer as a man ages. During this phase, the man’s penis and testicles return to their original size. The rate of breathing will be heavy and fast, and the pulse will be fast.

Orgasms are an inbuilt mechanism of human body (mammals). Our brain, emotions, and physiology are wired so that a person can experience it. In the second part of my article, I will elaborate on the benefits of orgasms, and why it is important to have a few now and then!

Want to know more? Drop a comment below!

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