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December 9, 2022 By Pallavi Barnwal Leave a Comment

Mindful Sex Practices

Mindful Sex Practices

The fast-paced life has left most of us exhausted, stressed, and disconnected, and most of us attempt sex under these unfriendly conditions. Immediately after sex, most couples rush for their smartphones and sex timing is cut short to quick foreplay and ejaculation. It is difficult for our monkey minds to stay present and shut off all outside distractions. Such sex is unlikely to generate any intimacy, connection, and stronger orgasms. I have been through this nightmarish journey most of my life until I experienced a glimpse of divine lovemaking with a man. The synchronicity of our orgasms, the chants I sang as he thrust inside me, and the power I gained in my being as I rode on him with full confidence; all came from a deep work from within on my self and the man, that involved a blend of meditation, bodywork, and liberating conversations. Yes, this will take time but bedazzled by this experience, I am motivated to share some simple mindful sex practices that can begin the transformation of your intimate life with your partner. Run through the list, practice, and let me know your experience! 

Mindful Sex Practices 

  1. Embodied Movement: Most of us are so disconnected from our bodies; wearing tight clothes, spending most of our time sitting and unhealthy eating habits, all take us away from our bodies. It is important to drop in our own bodies and feel each cell, each pore of your being before you start to receive pleasure. This embodied movement brings you back to your home, your body. Start by standing tall, feet rooted, and taking a deep breath. Turn on music that matches your current mood and dance it out, feeling the motion move through your body. Then shift to music that matches how you want to feel and repeat.
  2. Relationship Agreements: There is a lot of unresolved, unspoken angst and resentment between couples which they bring out at the most unrelated occasions. Sometimes a seed of thought stokes an entire mental film where the person goes into unfounded imagination, a chain of destructive thoughts. All of this negatively impacts harmony in your relationship and eventually, sex takes a backseat. In order to avoid this, strive to form small relationship agreements that are doable, and can be discussed without hurting the ego of the other person. Choose 1-2 things you want to work on and set up a rule. Some examples: whenever one of you will talk about your inner feelings, the other person will not judge and will be compassionate; when you wake up in the early morning, give each other a nice hug; no phones at the dinner table (or in the bedroom), consciously give each other personal space. Express Gratitude. Sit, stand, or lie facing each other and holding hands or embracing. Take turns saying “I’m grateful for…” Continue until you both feel everything has been said.
  3. Eye Gazing: Keep eye contact with your partner during sex. You can be touching each other or in any sex position. Giggles and laughter are totally welcome. Try this daily for deeper connection and to shift out of your head and into the present moment.
  4. Connection with Heart Chakra: First, breathe into the center of your chest – your heart. If you are struggling to stay present, imagine breath and light going into your heart. These are shallower breaths so be mindful of doing this. Then connect your breasts with their chest – give their heart some physical love by massaging, cupping, pulling, and generally loving on their breasts.
  5. Sensate Focus: Use your monkey mind to notice all the sensual things happening. What are 5 things you see? Taste? Feel? Hear? Smell? Can you notice where exactly the hand of your partner is on your body as they are exploring you? What kind of sensation do you feel? This practice enhances our sensory experience and we are able to feel fully all the pleasure that is received by our body.
  6. Tantra Breath: Take a deep inhale and exhale with sound ‘ha’. Sounds create internal vibrations in our body and take the energy up from lower chakras to higher chakras. Something you can practice with a partner and take into sex. The sound should be deep but not high-pitched. As you get closer to orgasm, deepen your breath and breathe into your genitals. Any sounds you’re making will take you deeper into the higher realms of lovemaking experience.
  7. Chant As You Reach Orgasms: You can pick any mantra, (my favorite is om, omkar). Sex is this profound oneness, the union of masculine with the feminine, the arc of energy that travels from the masculine, emissive pole to the female, receiving pole. Through our chanting, we merge our personal consciousness momentarily with the infinite consciousness that is our origin and our destiny. It is the drop of water finding its way back into the ocean from which it came. Chanting raises your physical lovemaking experience to spiritual dimensions.

I have tried all of this and surely, this has transcended our physical pleasure to a spiritual, universal dimension. We feel as if the entire universe is in love with us and so do we. It is a divine experience, a symbol of indissoluble unity of pleasure and emptiness.

We hope this article on Mindful Sex Practices helps you! Do leave your thoughts in the comments below. For more articles by our Sexual Wellness Expert Pallavi Barnwal, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her sessions on GOQii Play.

#BeTheForce 

Disclaimer: Reader discretion is advised. This content is for an older, mature audience who seek to improve their health and wellness. GOQii is not responsible for any misrepresentation of this information.

March 19, 2021 By Pallavi Barnwal Leave a Comment

The Joy Of Complaining

The joy of complaining

I have grown up to believe that happy couples do not fight, do not complain, and most of my life in almost all of my relationships, I have borne the brunt of this misconception. In my marriage, when differences accrued I thought it’s over, other than that it had become stale. Until recently, I carried this belief or rather misbelief cursing myself for complaining, regretting that why I could not compromise enough, adjusted enough since I was made to feel guilty for my disagreements. I agree, sometimes I went all ballistic, hurting the man for paltry reasons and those incidents could have been avoided. But to say one cannot complain at all is idealism!

Complaining is Healthy! Complaining is Juicy! Complaining is Catharsis!

You’re allowed to complain; it feels good sometimes! We can’t be grateful all the time. Gratitude is deeply important and healing, but we also have to make room for complaints. There’s a reason we have ten words for “complaining” in Yiddish. It’s a valve release. It’s a way to still feel like you have a say over your life when you don’t control squat. 

But a lot of us try to control our urge to complain about the fear of starting an argument. But holding in our relationship dissatisfactions over time creates a build-up of frustration and resentment that is toxic to our relationship. And then, when we finally do blurt out our complaints we do so in tones and words that are too harsh for our partner to absorb, leading them to become defensive and angry, a response that only convinces us to continue holding back our relationship-related complaints going forward, creating even more frustration, resentment, and negativity in our relationship.

To avoid this vicious cycle – to hold back – explode – backfire – hold back again, we should not stop complaining but instead, learn the art of complaining. Yes! We can be grateful and complain. We can be accountable and slack off. We can be peaceful and loving and we can talk shit and blow off steam. Complaining is a survival tool. Use it wisely. It will help us cope during the uneven phases of relationships. Complaining is juicy. So make your complaints good.

Complaint Sandwich – The Tool For Complaining The Right Way! 

We all love sandwiches right! How about turning your complaint into a delicious homemade grilled cheese sandwich? 

  • The first slice of bread in the Complaint Sandwich is a positive statement called The Ear Opener. Its goal is to lower the recipient’s defensiveness and allow them to absorb the complaint to follow.
  • The filling of the Complaint Sandwich is the actual complaint. The ‘filling’ should be lean like a slice—that is, keep it to a single incident and single complaint.
  • The second slice of bread in the Complaint Sandwich is another positive statement called The Digestive. Its goal is to motivate the recipient to respond positively to our complaint by assuring them that this complaint is for the betterment of our relationship, for the betterment of us.

Okay, you got the complaint sandwich ready, but do not spoil it by serving these small mistakes alongside it. There are reasons our complaints don’t get us what we want. We don’t think about what we want to achieve.

We complain because we want something, right? So before complaining, take 5 deep breaths, pause and think through what it is we want to achieve before we speak up. Figuring out what we want might be obvious when we call a customer service executive to remove a late charge on our credit card. It’s much less obvious when we’re complaining to our spouse/ partner. Take a moment to figure out what will make you feel satisfied through complaining.

We Allow Anger To Distract Us From Our Message

We usually complain when we are frustrated, hurt, or irritated. Feeling angry is fine if we are in control of our emotions and communicate reasonably. But when our voice gets too loud, our tone too harsh, or when we start cursing and accusing, the recipient’s attention will go to our anger and not to our actual message. As a result, we are more likely to encounter a counter-argument or resistance than a satisfactory resolution.

We Include More Than One Complaint At A Time

Hearing complaints always makes people defensive, so we have to voice our problems in ways that do not overwhelm them. It is far more effective to voice one complaint and get a result than to voice three and get nowhere. Tempting as it might be to air all your accumulated irritations at once, don’t! It doesn’t work.

We Don’t Complain To The Right Person

Surprisingly, we rarely voice our complaints to the person who can actually do something about them. We vent to our friends about our partner. If a complaint really irritates us, we owe it to our own peace of mind to address it to the person who can do something about it.

Make Your Complaint As Specific As Possible

Do not generalize it into a criticism. Complaining is about a situation, criticism is an ad nauseum attached on the character of the person. For example, “You forgot to call my sister this evening” will make the same point and be far easier for your partner to hear than “You said that you will speak to my sister but you never give any importance to my feelings”.

Remember!

Make space for other people to vent aloud. It often expresses their feelings of loss and longing. They know that they are powerless and they have to accept the situation; venting gives them the illusion that they have a say. It’s best to just let it pass and not try to reason with it.

We hope this article helps you to complain and heal your relationship the right way! Do leave your thoughts in the comments below. For more articles by our Sexual Wellness Expert Pallavi Barnwal, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her LIVE sessions on GOQii Play. You can also connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pallavibarnwalcoach

#BeTheForce

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