suicide Archives

September 10, 2020 By Divya Thampi Leave a Comment

Suicidal Thinking: Facts You Must Know To Save a Life!

“Psychache” – It is a term coined by experts studying suicide. It refers to the unbearable psychological pain experienced by people, who consider suicide. Contrary to popular belief, suicide is less about attention seeking, manipulation or selfishness and more about an attempt to save oneself from excruciating pain (mostly psychological). People in the throes of suicide ideation, engage in such thinking especially when they are flooded by feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, inadequacy, social exclusion, anxiety, humiliation and ending their own life seems like the only way to save themselves from what appears to be inescapable suffering.

When feeling this way, the individual’s perception of reality is constricted and sometimes collapsing, thus making it hard for them to access logical thinking and rational consideration of the pros and cons of suicide. This probably answers some of the questions that pop up in our heads about suicide, like – How can people ignore their survival instinct? Why can’t they see that things will get better? What stops them from reaching out for help?

Most people are tempted to argue and attempt to convince a suicidal person that suicide is not a solution to their problems. Unfortunately, the more we argue using cold logic, the more we deny the pain experienced by the person, aggravating the feelings of isolation and hopelessness they experience and thus the argument has the exact opposite effect, almost adding to the person’s conviction that they should go ahead with the suicide.

Some Common Myths About Suicidal Thinking

The key to understanding suicide is to understand suicidal thinking. The following myths and facts might help you save a life!

Myth #1: People who say that they are going to suicide are looking for attention.
Fact: Suicide is an extreme step that a person is driven to by deep feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and desolation. If someone says that they plan to suicide, believe them, and do not dismiss it as attention seeking behavior. Threatening suicide is a way of asking for help. Support them by listening and offering to help. The support may prevent them from taking this step.

Myth #2: All suicidal people have some or the other mental illness.
Fact: Though some people are diagnosed with a mental disorder, concluding that an individual is suicidal because of depression or other mental illnesses, is actually overlooking the real issue. Not all people with mental illnesses attempt suicide and not all who attempt suicide have had a history of mental illness.

Myth #3: The only people who can help a suicidal person are mental health professionals.
Fact: Any person who can listen non-judgmentally and provide support can effectively intervene. Professionals often involve friends and family for interventions.

Myth #4: If a person tells you about their suicidal thinking, you shouldn’t betray their confidence by telling others about it.
Fact: If you become aware that someone is considering suicide, you must inform a family member or friends who care, so that they can provide support. Informing loved ones is an important step in preventing suicides. Knowing that others care for them and that they are valued and wanted, discourages people from taking the extreme step.

Myth #5: If you suspect that a person may be considering suicide, never directly ask them whether they have had suicidal thoughts.
Fact: People worry that asking a person whether they have had suicidal thoughts can plant the idea of suicide in their head. On the contrary, asking to find out whether a person is thinking about suicide may allow the person to share their concerns and worries, and prevent them from deciding to die. It also lets them know that you care and worry about their safety.

Myth #6: Once a person decides to suicide nothing can stop them.
Fact: Most people who consider suicide are unsure about the choice. More than 90% of suicides are preventable. “Should I hang in there for one more day?” is a question that they end up asking themselves often. If one feels supported while feeling suicidal, and gets help in finding therapy or other support services, it can prevent them from taking such a decision now and in the future.

Myth #7: Improvement after a suicidal crisis, is equal to no more suicide risk.
Fact: The weeks and months that follow a suicidal crisis are the most high-risk period because when the person who attempted suicide starts to feel stronger, they feel more capable of taking actions required to carry through the suicidal intention.

In the next part of this blog, we will help you understand suicidal thinking and ways to provide support to those who need it. Keep your loved ones close!

#BeTheForce

June 18, 2020 By Divya Thampi 6 Comments

The Secret To Connecting With Others And Healing

An Act of Courage

Rishabh’s body trembled almost imperceptibly, lips quivered and tears brimmed over. He was telling his friend about the time, two years ago, when he found out that he had failed his semester exams. The friend who was listening to him, looked somber and sighed, seeing how devastating the incident had been for Rishabh. “That must have been really hard for you. I am trying to imagine what it must have been like for you to handle the burden of it, all by yourself. I wish I had spoken to you and told you that failing a semester didn’t change the way I see you and how much you mean to me as a friend,” he said, his eyes mirroring his friend’s pain.

This is an example of an interaction between one person choosing to be vulnerable with another, who in turn, chose to respond with understanding, care and compassion. It doesn’t need a doctorate degree for one to recognize that it must have taken a lot of courage for the speaker to open up about something that brought on feelings of shame, sadness and isolation. At the same time his friend’s response was honoring of Rishabh’s experience of pain. And such a conversation could mark the beginning of a healing process.

What Does it Mean to be Vulnerable?

In her book, ‘Daring Greatly’, Dr. Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It is that feeling of going out of your comfort zone, opening yourself up to the risk of being judged, and letting go of control to some extent. One of the biggest myths about vulnerability is that it is a sign of weakness. Our society propagates the idea that being strong means not being scared, hurt, confused or jealous. We are told that being strong is about not feeling fear and being in total control. This idea has been drilled into our minds and hearts for very long. But is that true? Does being strong mean being perfect? Does it mean pretending to be okay at all times? Or managing all our life problems independently and not taking support?

The answer is a big NO! It is a myth that most of us have been reeled into. Not feeling fear would require us to numb every other feeling along with it; every feeling that makes us human.

But Dr Brown says “When we think of times that we have felt vulnerable or emotionally exposed, we are actually recalling times of great courage”. She adds that, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” We make the assumption that the things that make us feel distressed and ashamed, are things that should be hidden and kept a secret. But not talking about them reinforces the voice in our heads that tells us that we are not good enough. That clearly is of no help and could aggravate the feelings of alienation & disconnection.

Like in the example at the beginning of this blog, when Rishabh chose to be vulnerable, it opened up an opportunity for a significant person in his life to witness important parts of him, thus validating his feelings and making him feel whole again. And it is that wholeness that allows us to understand and accept that making mistakes, going through challenges, or struggling in relationships, is not shameful, rather, it is what makes us human. Acceptance of our fragility, accelerates the healing process.

Trying Out Vulnerability

If practicing vulnerability feels like too much of a leap for you, here are a few things that can help you begin:

Start with something really small, like telling a friend or colleague about devouring 4 mangoes in one go or not having a shower all day or feeling anxious about an upcoming meeting.
Whenever someone shares something with you, that makes them vulnerable, acknowledge their courage in sharing it with you and provide support with your listening and presence, without offering solutions or advice.

The Way Ahead

Let’s start one small step at a time in our own lives, because when you open yourself up to others and allow them to support and help you, you are also inspiring others around you to open up and thus helping the world to heal. As the famous author Haruki Murakami says “What happens when people open their hearts? They get better!”

We hope this article helps you. For more topics on mental health and emotional well-being, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to experts on GOQii Play.