GOQii

Blog

  • HOME
  • HEALTHY LIVING
  • FITNESS
  • HEALTHY RECIPES
  • USER STORIES
  • KARMA
  • BUY GOQii

March 19, 2021 By Pallavi Barnwal Leave a Comment

The Joy Of Complaining

The joy of complaining

I have grown up to believe that happy couples do not fight, do not complain, and most of my life in almost all of my relationships, I have borne the brunt of this misconception. In my marriage, when differences accrued I thought it’s over, other than that it had become stale. Until recently, I carried this belief or rather misbelief cursing myself for complaining, regretting that why I could not compromise enough, adjusted enough since I was made to feel guilty for my disagreements. I agree, sometimes I went all ballistic, hurting the man for paltry reasons and those incidents could have been avoided. But to say one cannot complain at all is idealism!

Complaining is Healthy! Complaining is Juicy! Complaining is Catharsis!

You’re allowed to complain; it feels good sometimes! We can’t be grateful all the time. Gratitude is deeply important and healing, but we also have to make room for complaints. There’s a reason we have ten words for “complaining” in Yiddish. It’s a valve release. It’s a way to still feel like you have a say over your life when you don’t control squat. 

But a lot of us try to control our urge to complain about the fear of starting an argument. But holding in our relationship dissatisfactions over time creates a build-up of frustration and resentment that is toxic to our relationship. And then, when we finally do blurt out our complaints we do so in tones and words that are too harsh for our partner to absorb, leading them to become defensive and angry, a response that only convinces us to continue holding back our relationship-related complaints going forward, creating even more frustration, resentment, and negativity in our relationship.

To avoid this vicious cycle – to hold back – explode – backfire – hold back again, we should not stop complaining but instead, learn the art of complaining. Yes! We can be grateful and complain. We can be accountable and slack off. We can be peaceful and loving and we can talk shit and blow off steam. Complaining is a survival tool. Use it wisely. It will help us cope during the uneven phases of relationships. Complaining is juicy. So make your complaints good.

Complaint Sandwich – The Tool For Complaining The Right Way! 

We all love sandwiches right! How about turning your complaint into a delicious homemade grilled cheese sandwich? 

  • The first slice of bread in the Complaint Sandwich is a positive statement called The Ear Opener. Its goal is to lower the recipient’s defensiveness and allow them to absorb the complaint to follow.
  • The filling of the Complaint Sandwich is the actual complaint. The ‘filling’ should be lean like a slice—that is, keep it to a single incident and single complaint.
  • The second slice of bread in the Complaint Sandwich is another positive statement called The Digestive. Its goal is to motivate the recipient to respond positively to our complaint by assuring them that this complaint is for the betterment of our relationship, for the betterment of us.

Okay, you got the complaint sandwich ready, but do not spoil it by serving these small mistakes alongside it. There are reasons our complaints don’t get us what we want. We don’t think about what we want to achieve.

We complain because we want something, right? So before complaining, take 5 deep breaths, pause and think through what it is we want to achieve before we speak up. Figuring out what we want might be obvious when we call a customer service executive to remove a late charge on our credit card. It’s much less obvious when we’re complaining to our spouse/ partner. Take a moment to figure out what will make you feel satisfied through complaining.

We Allow Anger To Distract Us From Our Message

We usually complain when we are frustrated, hurt, or irritated. Feeling angry is fine if we are in control of our emotions and communicate reasonably. But when our voice gets too loud, our tone too harsh, or when we start cursing and accusing, the recipient’s attention will go to our anger and not to our actual message. As a result, we are more likely to encounter a counter-argument or resistance than a satisfactory resolution.

We Include More Than One Complaint At A Time

Hearing complaints always makes people defensive, so we have to voice our problems in ways that do not overwhelm them. It is far more effective to voice one complaint and get a result than to voice three and get nowhere. Tempting as it might be to air all your accumulated irritations at once, don’t! It doesn’t work.

We Don’t Complain To The Right Person

Surprisingly, we rarely voice our complaints to the person who can actually do something about them. We vent to our friends about our partner. If a complaint really irritates us, we owe it to our own peace of mind to address it to the person who can do something about it.

Make Your Complaint As Specific As Possible

Do not generalize it into a criticism. Complaining is about a situation, criticism is an ad nauseum attached on the character of the person. For example, “You forgot to call my sister this evening” will make the same point and be far easier for your partner to hear than “You said that you will speak to my sister but you never give any importance to my feelings”.

Remember!

Make space for other people to vent aloud. It often expresses their feelings of loss and longing. They know that they are powerless and they have to accept the situation; venting gives them the illusion that they have a say. It’s best to just let it pass and not try to reason with it.

We hope this article helps you to complain and heal your relationship the right way! Do leave your thoughts in the comments below. For more articles by our Sexual Wellness Expert Pallavi Barnwal, check out Healthy Reads or tune in to her LIVE sessions on GOQii Play. You can also connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pallavibarnwalcoach

#BeTheForce

Search

Recent Posts

  • Should You Eat Eggs During Summer?
  • Building Muscles With Proper Diet & Exercise
  • Healthy Summer Salads to Keep You Cool
  • Are We Placing Enough Importance On Sleep? | IndiaFit Report 2022 – 2023
  • Tips to Help You Sleep Better!

Stay Updated

Archives

  • March 2023 (21)
  • February 2023 (28)
  • January 2023 (31)
  • December 2022 (31)
  • November 2022 (30)
  • October 2022 (31)
  • September 2022 (30)
  • August 2022 (31)
  • July 2022 (30)
  • June 2022 (30)
  • May 2022 (30)
  • April 2022 (29)
  • March 2022 (28)
  • February 2022 (22)
  • January 2022 (23)
  • December 2021 (19)
  • November 2021 (17)
  • October 2021 (14)
  • September 2021 (12)
  • August 2021 (15)
  • July 2021 (18)
  • June 2021 (19)
  • May 2021 (17)
  • April 2021 (16)
  • March 2021 (16)
  • February 2021 (10)
  • January 2021 (10)
  • December 2020 (9)
  • November 2020 (5)
  • October 2020 (12)
  • September 2020 (9)
  • August 2020 (6)
  • July 2020 (3)
  • June 2020 (8)
  • May 2020 (12)
  • April 2020 (14)
  • March 2020 (13)
  • February 2020 (6)
  • January 2020 (5)
  • December 2019 (7)
  • November 2019 (9)
  • October 2019 (9)
  • September 2019 (6)
  • August 2019 (9)
  • July 2019 (12)
  • June 2019 (13)
  • May 2019 (10)
  • April 2019 (13)
  • March 2019 (13)
  • February 2019 (14)
  • January 2019 (19)
  • December 2018 (13)
  • November 2018 (9)
  • October 2018 (11)
  • September 2018 (11)
  • August 2018 (23)
  • July 2018 (13)
  • June 2018 (22)
  • May 2018 (16)
  • April 2018 (23)
  • March 2018 (17)
  • February 2018 (13)
  • January 2018 (18)
  • December 2017 (13)
  • November 2017 (25)
  • October 2017 (21)
  • September 2017 (20)
  • August 2017 (7)
  • July 2017 (11)
  • June 2017 (12)
  • May 2017 (14)
  • April 2017 (9)
  • March 2017 (6)
  • February 2017 (7)
  • January 2017 (11)
  • December 2016 (10)
  • November 2016 (8)
  • October 2016 (9)
  • September 2016 (7)
  • August 2016 (12)
  • July 2016 (10)
  • June 2016 (10)
  • May 2016 (12)
  • April 2016 (17)
  • March 2016 (18)
  • February 2016 (8)
  • January 2016 (6)
  • December 2015 (4)
  • November 2015 (9)
  • October 2015 (8)
  • September 2015 (10)
  • August 2015 (13)
  • July 2015 (10)
  • June 2015 (12)
  • May 2015 (9)
  • April 2015 (13)
  • March 2015 (9)
  • February 2015 (6)
  • January 2015 (12)
  • December 2014 (14)
  • November 2014 (11)
  • October 2014 (6)
  • September 2014 (14)
  • August 2014 (14)
  • July 2014 (7)
  • June 2014 (3)
  • May 2014 (8)
  • April 2014 (5)
Digvijay Singh

How Digvijay Singh Reversed Chronic BP Issues & Lost Weight With GOQii

Do you feel that no matter what you do, you’re unable to lose weight? You go for walks, meditate and even eat right but that scale doesn’t budge while lifestyle diseases plague you. Our Player Digvijay Singh was stuck in a similar predicament.  Life Before … [Read More...]

Ananda Mukherjee Health Story

From Terminal Illness To Complete Wellness! Ananda Mukherjee Health Story

We’ve always advocated that lifestyle diseases can be managed with a balanced, healthy and holistic lifestyle but can they also help you manage a terminal condition? Our Player Ananda Mukherjee, with help from his GOQii Coach, was able to battle such a condition. Here’s how his inspirational Health Story unfolded. Going From Slender To Overweight  […]

Rishikesh Ayre

The Right Guidance With Gradual Change – Rishikesh Ayre User Journey

Do you want to make a positive lifestyle change but don’t know how? Does it take every ounce of motivation for you to move? Do you need a nudge in the right direction? These are all valid questions and you’re not alone. Sometimes, we want to begin something new but don’t know where to start. […]

Venkatrao Alaparthi Loses 20kg With Guidance From His GOQii Coach

Venkatrao Alaparthi Loses 20kg With Guidance From His GOQii Coach

While earning a good livelihood is important, is it taking more life out of living? Long working hours, being seated most of the time with no physical activity and bad eating habits can take a toll on your health over a period of time. If this sounds relatable, you might have a lot in common […]

  • HOME
  • HEALTHY LIVING
  • FITNESS
  • HEALTHY RECIPES
  • USER STORIES
  • KARMA
  • BUY GOQii

Copyright ©2016 GOQii